Sibling tells teen brother that he can't be 'childfree' because he's a child himself.
Until recently, the concept of being child-free was culturally frowned upon. People without kids were considered selfish, not 'real' adults, and lacking in a necessary component of grown life.
Women without kids were looked at as spinsters and failures, and men without kids were looked on as irresponsible bachelors unable to continue their legacy. But the tides are slowly shifting, as more people have opened up about their choice to not have kids, and the intense responsibilities of parenthood have been talked about more honestly and freely.
This means the younger generation has a clearer set of options as they consider their future, and whether child-rearing is a desired part of it. Unsurprisingly, teens, are often apt to express their ideals in absolutes, regardless of what their future actually holds.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, the OP asked if they're wrong for telling their younger brother he's not 'childfree.'
They wrote:
AITA for telling my brother he is not childfree?
My brother (Brandon) is 16 and decided he is childfree. Which basically just means he doesn't want to be around our 4 years old little cousin.
We have dinner at our grandparents every other weekend together with all our aunts/uncles and cousins. Brandon never liked our little cousin, and recently he decided that that means he doesn't have to talk to her or acknowledge her existence at all. Brandon will 100% ignore her and if she keeps trying to talk to him, he will stand up and go to another room.
The parents don't really care about it, they are usually busy talking to each other and don't pay attention to us. Last weekend, Brandon was ignoring our little cousin once again. She was showing him her drawings, when he stood up and went away. She started crying and I went after Brandon to call him out on it.
He said he was childfree and he doesn't have to engage with children if he doesn't want to. He is not rude or mean to her, so he is not doing anything wrong. I told him he can't be childfree when he is a child himself and he is being mean to our cousin.
He then acted like I committed the most atrocious crime for 'not believing he knows he will never want children' and has been sending me links about people knowing really young that they don't want children. But that's not what I meant at all, I was calling him out on being mean to a 4 years old little girl just because and I don't care if he will ever have children or not. AITA?
The internet swooped in with responses across the board.
TheWardenDemonreach wrote:
NTA, deciding you never want to have children is a completely different thing from not acknowledging children in general. He can decide he doesn't want to have kids and still be a nice person to other kids, especially his own family.
Swirlyflurry wrote:
NTA. Being “childfree” doesn’t mean you get to be rude to children. He doesn’t ever want kids? Fine. No one is pushing him to have kids - he’s 16! But he does not get to ignore children and act like they don’t exist. That’s not how that works or what “childfree” means.
Blackrock_38 wrote:
WTF is this? Childfree means you don’t have children yourself…not that children don’t exist! ???
I know, I AM childfree.
Your brother is hilarious. Also, you’re NTA. Get him to read this thread. The things kids think of.
delm0nte wrote:
NTA. Childfree people are fully able to enjoy the company of and interact with children. Your teenage sibling has some half-baked idea that he gets to be rude with no social repercussions for his boorish behavior because he has made a decision to not procreate. Let’s hope he sticks with the decision but fixes the bad attitude.
Available-Love7940 wrote:
Not giving a rating. However, I'm kind of on Brandon's side. Not in the way he ultimately dealt with it. He needs help learning how to deflect and get away from children without crushing them.
Am I a monster? Maybe, but I'm sort of a Brandon here. I do not like kids. At all. I didn't like them at 16. I don't like them at 50. But I've mastered the fake smile and redirect them to someone who is interested.
To be honest, the AH here are actually the parents, who don't pay attention to their kids. It sounds like, as many do, they're all 'Great, someone else can watch our 4 year old while we chat and enjoy ourselves.'
Your parents are AH for not reading Brandon's discomfort. The 4 year old's parents are AH for not making sure she's not making a pest of herself. Being 'family' doesn't mean free reign to do whatever.