Woman tells SIL to stop treating her brother like he's 'her husband.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my SIL to stop treating her brother like he's her husband?"
Okay, so I actually don't know why I said it the way I did. It's just what came out in the heat of the moment. So, my husband (Tim) and I (both 26) live on the same property as my SIL (Tim's sister- 43), her husband and their daughter.
We had been given a parcel of land 2 acres from the house by Tim's mother and built ourselves a tiny home when we were 20. SIL and her husband moved in to MIL's home as a caregiver 4 years ago and MIL passed 2 years ago. SIL was given the house in her passing.
Now, last summer SIL would call Tim up and ask him to do things around their house. Like mow their lawn, feed and let their dogs out, clean their barn, watch their kid, etc. Which was weird to me considering her husband doesn't work, so he could do the tasks she was asking Tim to do but never did.
He sits on the couch all day binge eating and watching YouTube/playing video games and instead of SIL talking to her husband about his laziness, she instead just started expecting Tim to take on her husband's house duties.
If he says no or simply doesn't get around to doing it (because he only has Sundays off and wants to hang out with me because we have a baby due soon) SIL will get cranky and start pulling guilt trips.
Like she was p*ssed 2 weeks ago because Tim didn't come up and take down the tent that THEY set up for THEIR daughter so all the stuff inside got soaked, molded and ruined and 'she lost so much and this could have been avoided'. At this point Tim told her he wouldn't be doing anything else for her.
Now, yesterday my SIL called me and asked where Tim was and when he was due home (he was at a buddies house for the first time in forever). I told her he wouldn't be back until later that night.
She then asks me to call him and have him come back home early because she 'really needs him to fix her car and if he can't, she needs someone to babysit so she can bring it to the shop'.
I originally just said no but she pushed and started getting manipulative (ie: 'if my car doesn't get fixed I won't be able to get to work to support my family') so I said 'stop treating your brother like he's your husband and get your own husband to get off his a** and do something for once'.
She immediately told me I was disgusting for viewing it like that and that he husband 'has a bad back' and can't do much of anything (first I'm hearing of it). I reiterated that it's not our problem. Her brother is not her husband OR her father and she needed to stop treating him like he was. She hung up after calling me disgusting.
Here are the top rated comments from readers:
NTA - good for you for standing up to her.
NTA but also Tim needs to say something. If SIL husband has a bad back then SIL needs to hire someone to do those tasks. Tim needs to put his foot down and say “no” or expect to be paid.
NTA, tell your hubby to stop doing things for her, hes at least partly to blame for enabling this weird codependency. And cut her off from help.
NTA Tim told her two weeks ago that he wasn't helping anymore but she didn't listen. Even with a bad back her husband should be able to care for the child for short time. If he can make them he can take care of them.
No your explanation for what you said adds up nicely. I don’t see anything wrong
NTA, have her buy your land and house from you and get away. There are different degrees of back issues. He can still do simple stuff I am sure.
If BIL is on the couch all day, it’s no wonder he has a bad back. Tell SIL the back will get better once her husband gets off his ass to actually BE a husband. Good job standing up to her, now it’s DH’s turn to stop entertaining his sister’s BS. NTA.
NTA, and you're completely right. She has a husband, she also has the ability to hire services to handle most of it. It's time she did that instead of taking advantage of your husband.
NTA - she said it was disgusting only to deflect. It was obvious what you meant, that your husband is taking on the role your sil's partner should have.