'I think my sister just ruined our dad’s engagement to an amazing woman and I hate her so much.' UPDATED 2X
"I think my sister just ruined our dad’s engagement to an amazing woman and I hate her so much."
I am really angry right now at my stupid entitled brat of a sister. I want to use a different B-word but I don’t think I can post with it, just know it is the one I mean. I wish I could type out just how much I hate her right now, so maybe this will help.
There’s so much I want to yell at her, or just get off my chest, but we’re at our grandparents' place and I can’t lash out at her like she deserves (and she knows it too). I don’t know how much of it is relevant but here goes hoping I’m less angry when I’m done.
BACKGROUND
My family is me and my twin Sebastian (16M and he’s writing this with me), our sister Lisa (17F), our dad Sean (41M) and our (former?) future stepmom Amy (36F) (fake names obvs).
Our mom died 9 years ago. Dad didn’t date for 5 years, then briefly dated a disaster called Riley, then took another break from dating. He met Amy around 3 years ago, introduced us 2 years ago, we all moved together to a bigger house a year ago, and they got engaged 6 months ago.
Before Riley was even in the picture, we weren’t thrilled dad had started dating again but we went to therapy as a family to work through it. We made peace with it for most part, but then Riley came, and she was just the worst. She was rude, jealous of our mom’s memory, gold digger, didn’t like us, she was all around horrible.
The three of us kind of made an agreement that we would not allow anyone to erase our mom, we would never allow anyone to adopt us, and we would be polite but keep our distance from whomever dad dated. It felt like we were honoring mom that way, without stopping our dad from moving on. We also started calling the three of us + dad “the Core Four”.
Getting to know Amy though, and then moving in together, we have done a 180 on that (me and Seb more than Lisa). Amy is just good people. She is crazy smart and nerdy (has like 3 degrees (one in psychology which explains a lot) and we all play DnD together), she is successful, artistic, athletic, deadpan hilarious.
She has an energy like when we’re around family and they’re all loud and crazy, she talks and people just shut up and listen. Don’t know how best to describe that, like she is wise and kind and patient, but also an absolute sigma BAB.
She is cool to hang out with, and she loves our dad. She also sets him straight a lot, we kind of default to her as our neutral 3rd party when there’s a disagreement, and she is very good at navigating that. She is just really cool.
She is also genuinely interested in our lives and hobbies, she has at least one thing with each of us. Seb and her do artsy stuff and they both play tennis, she plays video games with me, she and Lisa read A LOT and go book shopping like every few months, the house is filled with books, she is teaching Lisa how to drive, they are both K-pop fans etc.
I honestly think they clicked more quickly and naturally, and vibe the best (whenever Lisa allows it). Amy also never stops us talking about our mom, she respectfully encourages it.
There are a few pictures of mom around the house still and she’s totally ok with that, like she is not threatened by mom’s presence at all. She once helped Seb make a painting of a photo of the five of us (Dad, mom, Lisa, me and Seb) for our maternal granddad’s birthday. Even my mom’s family like her, my aunt (mom’s sister) and her have become good friends.
She asks them and dad about mom when we mention something we all used to do, and we found out a few months ago that she also lost her dad when she was 12. I think that settled a lot of things for Lisa, who I know sometimes uses our mom to try to spite Amy (though again, Amy would either kill her with kindness or just move on).
Dad loves Amy, and she makes him happy. Like, she is his balance in a way. They go so well together. Our dad is awesome, patient, smart, strict but kind, goofy sometimes, he has his own hangups but he is slow to anger and always open to discuss anything with us. He doesn’t yell at us (much), but he is supportive and overall has been a great dad.
She and dad made it very clear she has absolutely no intention of replacing mom, that she’s a person of authority in the household without being a parent, that she’s open to whatever relationship we want to have with her and it’s a 2-way street. She has never demanded or pushed for anything other than “basic human-to-human respect and kindness”.
WHY LISA SUCKS
While we are really doing well and getting along great, Lisa sometimes gets whiplash and randomly regresses to Riley-time, especially after Amy and her spend time together having fun. It’s like she’s trying to rile Amy up to justify why she thinks dad dating is a bad idea.
She snaps at random stuff just to bump heads, only it’s not working very well because… Amy is just not bumping. She isn’t engaging Lisa when she’s like this, she will maybe set a boundary (like “I will not engage with you when you act like this”) and after that is completely uninterested in Lisa’s outbursts, and lets our dad handle it.
It doesn't feel like it's out of spite though. Best I can describe it is Amy is living her life, legit happily and willingly making offers and openings to all of us, Lisa included, without making a big deal out of it. When Lisa doesn’t participate and/or says something snarky or downright rude, Amy just shrugs and goes on with her life.
If we ask her if she’s upset or angry at Lisa for lashing out, she says she understands how Lisa must be feeling, that everyone is allowed a tantrum every once in a while, and that she knows Lisa is a good girl and she will come around on her own.
And true enough, when Lisa then calms down and apologizes (with or without dad’s mediation), again Amy doesn’t make a big deal out of it and they pick up where they left off.
For example: We were having dinner and Lisa was arguing with her and dad, and said she didn’t want what Amy cooked because it smelled “disgusting” and started insulting Amy’s country where the dish was from, even though she usually loves it.
Amy just said “suit yourself” like she could not care less, served the rest of us, and sat down and started eating and talking to Seb and I. Dad took Lisa to talk and after they came back, he asked Amy if it would be ok for Lisa to still sit and eat with us.
Amy said “sure” and continued chatting. Lisa apologized for her comments (without dad prompting her) and Amy just smiled, said “thank you” and kept talking to Seb like nothing happened. When the conversation naturally drifted to something related to Lisa, Amy just spoke to her normally.
The issue is, the very few times Amy does respond in kind, when she’s tired or has had enough, nothing we say gets to her, like she stops caring. Like she gets suddenly quiet and throws something back at you, and you just never expect it, because overwhelmingly she is the calm and mature one when there’s an issue.
Seb calls this “SABA - Sneak Attack by Amy”. If I could pick one flaw of Amy that would be it. She is just brutal sometimes when she’s had enough, or something bad happens at work, and it just comes out of left field. She destroys you and doesn’t even blink. It is immensely enjoyable to witness when she goes SABA on our behalf, but not so much when we trigger it.
To clarify, Amy is like, ridiculously patient 99% of the time, and incredibly effective in managing conflict. She also can recognize when she’s close to that line so she either steps away or warns us, and we usually understand and back off, and then she follows up on her own and she always says thank you for waiting to talk.
If she goes too low when SABAing, she always apologizes and makes amends. We are quite good at communicating as a family for the most part (thanks to her mostly), but once in a while when we push and Amy goes there it’s not good.
Sometimes it’s just snark, like once I told her “fuck you” mid-fight, Amy just shrugged and said “your father does that enough, I’ll let him know he has your blessing”. Seb was yelling about a missed practice (his fault), she yawned mid-sentence and got up, he was like “wtf where are you going!?” and she was like “I’m not interested in a baby throwing a tantrum”.
It is worse with Lisa, because Lisa goes personal when she’s angry. But when the SABA line is crossed, Amy just doesn’t care. Lisa once asked “how does it feel to know you wouldn’t be here if our mom was still alive?”
Amy thought about it and said “I would probably be living my best life in the Bahamas with a rich European prince and no brats to bust my balls, so much better”. Another time Amy was having a pregnancy scare, and Lisa said something like “you will never have children of your own” and Amy just said “I hope not, I like my lady tight, and so does your dad”.
It always shocks us when she goes SABA because she is usually kind, considerate and patient. The Core Four have discussed all of this in therapy, and Lisa acknowledges she’s just scared and angry at the idea of Amy replacing mom, though we all point out just how uninterested Amy is in that role.
I personally don’t feel like she would ever replace mom, and we joke sometimes about calling each other “mother/son”. When Lisa acts out, there are always consequences from dad, things are discussed in therapy, and for a while everything is calm again. The therapist suggested we add Amy to our sessions once in a while, but Lisa is not open to that “yet”.
Dad is also bringing up more often whether Lisa should get individual therapy but she doesn’t want to. Legit Lisa and Amy get along so well when Lisa isn’t behaving like this.
WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY
Yesterday the three of us (Seb, I and Lisa) spent time with our grandparents and cousins, helped them with the snow, then grabbed dinner, and came home late. Dad and Amy were talking about wedding stuff in the kitchen, and we overheard dad discussing adoption very loosely, like if Amy would ever be up for it if we wanted to at some point as adults.
Lisa immediately lost it, burst in and started screaming at him about mom, that she hates him, that he is only thinking with his downstairs, then turned to Amy, started insulting her, wished her unalive, and said “I will never want a [bad word] like you to be my mom”. Amy just very calmly said “what makes you think I would ever choose you to be my daughter?”
That one hurt Lisa, like we could see the physical recoil. Dad took her up to her room and they talked for a long time, there were raised voices, then Lisa was crying, but couldn’t tell what was being said. Amy stayed down, talking to us, clarifying the adoption conversation was entirely hypothetical.
We asked her more questions, she was responding slowly and quietly. She didn’t answer us when we asked about wedding prep or how she was feeling. She was shaking and trying to keep it together, I have never seen her like this. We were quiet for a bit, then Seb told her what she said was a very low blow, and she smiled sadly and just said “maybe so”.
When dad came down Amy got up in slow motion, put on her coat, gathered some stuff and was out the door in like 2 minutes. Dad was almost crying, trying to get her to stay and talk. It was late, snowing, she was whispering “Not tonight. I have to leave. Be there for your sons. I’m sorry” over and over and she started crying and she got in her car and left.
We sat down with dad, he was a mess, he let us know Lisa will be getting individual therapy on top of family therapy and it was non-negotiable. He asked us if we felt we needed individual therapy as well.
Seb said no, I said I’m not sure right now, and we tried to talk a bit about what happened. He asked how we are feeling, but he was a wreck and then he started tearing up, so we just hugged him and he cried so hard. He cried so much.
I have not seen my dad cry so hard since mom died. He kept telling us it’s ok and he didn’t want us to worry, but he was just crying and I had no words, I just kept saying I am sorry, and Seb was telling him it will be ok and Amy will be back and we will all work it out, and he kept saying “no she won’t, not this time she won’t”.
He then started saying he was sorry, and asked if we knew he loved us, and then he asked if he had neglected us, if we felt he didn’t love us enough after Amy moved in, if he was a good dad.
I wanted to p_nch Lisa so hard in that moment, for making him doubt that even for a second. As if moving on from our mom after almost a decade, and landing someone he is genuinely happy with and who IS A GOOD PERSON, is a sin.
Amy wasn’t in the house today. Dad has red eyes and he looks like he has aged 10 years. He said good morning, I asked if Amy came home last night, he said no but not to worry and she is safe. He spoke very quietly, made us breakfast. When Lisa came down, he just gave her a look and turned around, didn’t speak to her.
She started crying, saying she’s sorry, and went to hug him. He stepped back and told her “I don’t want to hug you right now” and his voice was just shattered. She just lost it and kept crying and apologizing, kept saying she really likes Amy and she wants them to get married and for him to be happy.
She said she loves him, and kept asking if he still loves her, and dad said “I will always love you as my daughter, but I don’t love you as Lisa right now”. I think that’s the harshest thing he has ever said to any of us. I didn’t think he had it in him. I am glad he said it, I am happy Lisa kept crying. She deserves it.
We are back with our grandparents, dad said he’s trying to get Amy to come to the house and talk in person. We haven’t told our grandparents all the details, nor do they know all the vile shit that Lisa says to Amy, because I know they will be so disappointed in her.
I hate her right now. She’s pretending to read in the corner but she flips a page every like 10 minutes. God I want to yell at her so bad, like tear her a new one and let her have it, I'm practically vibrating. If she ruins this for dad, for ALL OF US like… I hate her so much right now.
That’s it.
I don’t feel better.
I hate her.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Oh man OP. thats awful. Im so sorry. I hope it can be fixed. Have you and Sebastian reached out to Amy? Pls update if there is one . I am rooting for you.
Logrolling_In_ON OP:
We're left on "delivered" :( It snowed A LOT on Friday and I honestly don't think she has anywhere to go. Dad said she's safe and they are in contact, but I'm worried. No I am so beyond worried, I am scared she won't want anything to do with him or us anymore. Another person said here like me and Seb are holding this together, not true.
Amy has been holding this fucked up family together for so long, and now she's gone and none of us know how to feel or act. And I know we're not a fucked up family but it feels like we, collectively, just finally broke her, she is the best thing that could have happened to dad.
TO ALL OF US and Lisa just messed it up, I've spent so many years without a mom figure around, just us and dad, and I WANT AMY, I want her as a stepmom, fuck I want her as a mom I'm ok with having 2 moms. I don't feel guilty saying this, maybe it's because I'm more angry than sad, but I don't care.
I think that might be it, guilt... I wonder if maybe, just maybe, your sister is struggling with that. Maybe she enjoys spending time with your father's partner, then somewhere during that interaction, she feels guilty that she's happy with that person, or maybe she's confused about how to feel, what to feel.
That's just my guess... BUT I'm glad she'll have more time with therapy, hoping they get to the root of what actually is causing the outbursts. Hope things work out well for your family, all the best.
Sometimes you just decide enough is enough. Lisa might just have pushed Amy too far. Your sister needed therapy long before this. (All by herself) And don’t blame this on Riley. She’s long gone. This is all on Lisa. If you’re serious about getting Amy back then you need to make it a group effort with all of you and your dad. And Lisa should be leading it with an apology and a genuine effort to do better.
To you Amy is rolling with the punches but in reality, while she is rolling with the punches she feels every single one of them and what your sister said broke the camels back so to speak. This will take time for Amy and your family. I hope you guys come through better than ever. But I also hope Lisa realizes that even though she is a child, that doesn't mean she gets to use Amy as a punching bag.
Four days later, the OP returned with an update.
I didn’t expect to get as many responses with my previous post, nor did I expect that I would be back here. But it actually really helped. I don’t have too big of an update yet, but a few things are happening. Not all of them are positive but I guess at least there is a sort of plan? This is a little rushed, I'm sorry if it isn't formatted well.
It was brutal reading so many comments speaking so bad about Lisa, like I know I said I hated her and I did in the moment, still do for a lot of this, but she’s my sister and I do love her as well. So I think seeing so many people angry at her made me very angry and defending her. Seb as well but I’m writing this alone so.
A few people were telling us to give her some grace and I really tried but I was not in any place to even look at her. Seb did talk to her though, I was present but I didn’t want to engage, I was mostly there for him.
It went like, we’re very angry at you but you’re still our sister and we love you and dad too etc. but you have to stop thinking you can do or say whatever and we’ll still like you just the same and will always be around.
She was saying that family is forever and sticks by everything together no matter what happens, they don’t just up and leave, and then he told her that that’s not true, it’s actually kind of crazy stupid to think your family will put up with you no matter what you do.
She was like, you’re supposed to stick together against the nonsense that comes our way and he got angry at that and told her SHE is the one bringing the shit in the way, and no matter the family relationship we won’t stick together with an intentional shit stirrer so unless there’s something else going on, right now she is the one in the wrong so either fess up or fix yourself.
I brought up an aunt we have, dad’s first cousin, who is not part of the family anymore because she was a major gossip and she lied all the time, and nobody likes her, nobody invites her around, her siblings don’t talk to her, don’t have her over, because sure they are family but she is always bringing shit and drama in our lives so she was pushed aside.
And we were like, don’t be the person we have to push aside. But if there’s something going on with Amy that we don’t know you have to tell us. She was saying there isn't anything that would make sense right now.
We kind of discussed SABA and the Core Four and truly we didn’t really see some of y’alls point on Amy being offensive or a creep, because a lot of people called us out (me and Seb) on also being horrible to her as well, fueling the fire, and well that was a slap.
And we kind of shut up about it because it was like, sure being told your dad fucks me is messed up but you all were like, we should have never said “fork you” to her in the first place, and then we (me, Seb and Lisa) realized we have each said it at least twice so she has heard it SIX TIMES at least.
And she kept talking to us about it and we kept using it until that reply of hers, and well it worked because we haven’t said it again so yeah sad that we sort of have that knowledge/image in our heads now, but also sad that it had to come to internet strangers for us to realize it worked.
It was really humbling for me and Seb to realize sure this time Liza was the one that crossed the line, and usually it is her that destroys the boundaries, but the two of us haven’t exactly been great at her either.
I admit I cried A LOT reading some of the comments, like hard crying because you were very real on how awful I have been to Amy, not just Lisa, like I didn't realize it I think it was just how we sometimes fight with dad and cousins and it hadn't registered how it must have been for Amy who was always in mediator/peace-keeping position.
We went to family therapy on Tuesday and found out a few things about dad and Amy. They had actually known each other for a few months before they started dating, so they met close to 4 years ago via common friends. Dad’s situation with Riley was discussed at some point and he liked Amy’s perspective and approach, so they started hanging out, and then like 6 months after that started dating.
They had been going to therapy together right before she was introduced to us. Every Thursday with her, every Tuesday with us. It was Amy’s suggestion to help her navigate meeting us.
We then talked about what the next steps are, but first what happened was dad told Lisa again that he does love her, and he wants to understand and help but he won’t always like her, and she has to understand this, and us too, that he will always love us because he is our dad.
Not out of obligation, but because that is where the source of his love stems from but sometimes as human to human he doesn’t always like us for how we’re behaving. He was sad he had said that to her but if I'm honest I think he deserved to say it and she deserved to hear it.
We told him we love him too, and Amy as well, and we’re sorry and me and Seb admitted that we have been pretty bad towards Amy. We kind of worked on this (Lisa said she wasn’t ready to talk about what happened and she wanted to talk to her own therapist first and her first is tomorrow which really pissed me off, we have been in therapy as a family for years but now she will talk after she gets her own therapist?
Like what have we been doing here all this time?) Anyway we talked more about Amy and dad’s relationship and me and Seb’s relationships and we concluded that we’re kicking back hard still.
With Riley she was so horrible we didn’t feel it would make a difference if we were arguing with her because she was just bad and we would fight all the time and there was no point because she would just scream back and it lead nowhere.
With Amy, it was kind of working backwards in a “we feel safer being worse with her because she actually cares” situation. Like, she’s acting more like a mother figure than her.
She talks it out with us and even when she pushes the issue to dad we still have some kind of normal parent/kid arguing before it gets to that point. Which is why SABAs were just so unexpected and just shut everything down because Riley would say stuff like that ALL THE TIME and we didn’t realize just how triggering some of the stuff we were saying to Amy was, because Riley was always saying that stuff.
So I am not exactly sure what that means yet, still processing it but we apologized to Dad for also being problematic, not just Lisa, Lisa’s is just more explosive, and she did apologize as well.
We talked about about next steps right now which is a bit complicated. Dad and Amy are both on the lease for the house, but not only is she paying more than him (like 60/40) but our landlords are close to Amy so if it came to it (which dad assured us they are not broken up yet), we would be the ones that had to move.
I know my dad isn’t poor, he’s a senior SWE in Big Tech, but Amy works in finance and is on some non-profits and has like global income, so she apparently covers more of the expenses (which includes all of our hobbies etc).
She doesn’t want to come home right now, she discussed with her work to go on a business trip for 2 weeks, or if that doesn’t pan out she will go to her home country, just to give everyone some space etc.
Dad said that scared him, too much distance for too long, and he offered to pay for an AirBnB close by, but he said she said we all need space to recalibrate, and that he should focus on us without worrying about bumping into her at the grocery store.
Dad and Amy are in low contact but are talking, which he said is good and a good thing to take some time and space and I could tell this was a bit bullshit because he looked broken when saying that, I think he thinks it’s over and he is losing hope and is scared she will realize she doesn't have to live with how we’ve been treating her (like you all said).
He said “she isn’t someone that takes disrespect lightly” which I told him she is the absolute queen of dealing with disrespect given how she has been so patient and kind and careful with us, and he seemed to agree but I think there’s something else going on there but he wouldn’t say.
Anyway she will travel for a bit. She did tell him to tell us she loves us and she is sorry she is leaving like this, she isn't checking messages at this time, and they will meet on the 26th to discuss.
They had a romantic weekend planned for the long weekend and we would stay at our grandparents, and Amy moved the reservation to dad so we are taking Friday off and the Core Four will go to a cabin and just chill a bit away from the house. Lisa is sleeping today and tomorrow at her best friend’s house, her suggestion, and I am also sleeping tomorrow at my cousin’s and we leave Friday morning and back Monday night.
That’s all that has happened for now, I don’t know what to expect at this time, I am just happy that Lisa will be doing individual therapy and that we are at least talking to each other a bit.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Seems to me that although your sister dealt the worst of it, you and your brother haven’t been angels towards Amy either. Reflection on your behaviours is a step in the right direction and I think a sincere apology for your own actions is in order too. Just because you see Amy as a “safe” person to let loose your emotions on, doesn’t make it right for you to use her as your emotional punching bag.
They're pushing her away and using her as a scape goat. You can tell by the back and forth within the post. "We get it, but we don't want to take any responsibility so, she's still at fault." Quite frankly I hope the sister can get away. The father should have stopped her quite crude remarks ages ago, and clearly the other two have learnt from the woman. Its easy to judge when you aren't being the one attacked constantly.
So you guys were being absolutely terrible to a woman who subsidised your life by paying more rent and for your extra curricular…Honestly, I’m on her team at this point. Your dad didn’t work on any of you and your behaviour. There seems to have been no consequences prior to this for all your nastiness. I’m glad she’s left.
A little over a month later, the OP returned with a related post.
A month ago there was a massive blowout in my family, my dad, my dad’s fiancé (Amy) and my sister got in a huge fight and horrible things were said. Amy left and we’re all in therapy right now to try to get her back, show her that we know we have been really irritable to her (not just my sister who had that fight, my and my brother too) and we’re really sorry and we really do want her in the family.
We said in therapy we will all write letters to her about how we feel, apologize, grovel really and I’m totally ok to do that because we were kinds horrible, not gonna lie it’s a rough time.
So on top of the letters of apology, my sister started gathering nice quotes from books she and Amy both liked and she’s making them into like, small cute notes in a jar and a journal, I’m not sure exactly but it’s sweet.
She’s basically doing more things than just the letter, and she’s using something she and Amy always bonded on (books) and something about K-pop that I don’t get but I assume Amy will appreciate.
Twin liked the “extra stuff” idea and he’s drawing a comic with Amy and us, because he’s talented like that and she helped him with ideas, a drawing tablet etc. He told me the idea and I think it’s really nice (we’re going to be baby porcupines apparently or something else prickly) and well, good for him.
I’m stuck because I don’t know what to make, I want to do something extra too that is special to me and her but the way we connected most was we played video games together and I was trying to teach her Python… what am I supposed to do with that? Like, I don’t want to just buy merch or commission something from one of the games, I would also like to make something but I can’t draw or do something artsy.
The only thing I can think of is, I play guitar but I can’t exactly write a song, it’s cringe and I can’t carry a tune anyway so that’s out. I’m good with my hands, like I am good at fixing stuff but I don’t have any idea how to use this to my advantage here.
I’ve been looking around the house and I see stuff that she likes, but no idea what to do with it. She has like, a ton of cookbooks because she likes to try new things so I thought “ok should I bake her cookies?” I don’t know when/if she will be back (we haven’t seen her since she walked out, my dad is the one in contact) so I can’t really cook her anything, and that’s just too easy tbh.
She has some succulents on the kitchen window, I was like “can I make her a little garden in the yard” but yard is still frosted up and I don’t know if she’s into gardening, I don’t want to give her an obligation :S She does A LOT of scrapbooking, she is learning Chinese, I know shows she likes and her fav colors etc. but I can’t do anything with this!
So I would like some ideas on what I can do, something that like, takes some effort and would show her that I didn’t just buy something, I want it to show that I do care and put some serious hours on this like my siblings.
The idea is to give her those extras with the apology letters when we meet in person, but I don’t know when that could be! Her birthday is in April so that’s like, the last date I give myself to give her this extra thing.
Advice or ideas?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Have you guys talked with the therapist about the gifts, because none of this feels like a gift...it feels like emotional blackmail. A gift should be about celebrating the person and your twin is making a comic with her in it...with you guys...hey remember us! Come back to us!
Logrolling_In_ON OP:
Yes our therapist highly encouraged this. Amy told our dad she's got us some souvenirs from her traveling which kicked our asses into gear so yeah if even when she was away she was thinking of us a bit.
So, you can bet we're going to show her we're thinking of her as well and doing the work and PUTTING IN EFFORT not only in therapies but actual free-time we have to make her something meaningful. Now do you have any gift advice or not?
May this dynamic never find me.
shame it took years of mistreatment and a massive blowout for them to realize they need therapy.
"Amy left and we’re all in therapy right now to try to get her back..."
I don't think the OP gets it and fair enough they're a child. I reads like the purpose of therapy in this story is to manipulate Amy, the person harmed, into doing something that will ease the guilt of the therapy-user for being a terrible person.