Widow asks if she's wrong to skip sis's wedding for disrespecting promise to husband.
'WIBTA for not attending my sisters wedding because she took off my wedding ring?'
I am a 46 year old woman. My husband passed away about 18 years ago. Before he left, i promised him i will remain faithful to him for the rest of my life. To this day, ive never taken off my wedding ring. Even when i shower and exercise i leave it on. I have his on a necklace that I also never take off. This will all be important later.
my younger sister has always disapproved of this choice. She's tried to set me up with men multiple times and every time I tell her im not interested.
My sister is getting married for the 2nd time. She had a little bachelorette party but it was not a normal one. It was me, her, our other sister, and he friend at her house. it was a nice little time. Shes been married before so she doesn't really care about the experiences, she is just very in love with her fiance which is fine by me.
She was a little tipsy so maybe she wasn't all there when she did this but she blurted out 'OH my GOD YOU STILL WEAR YOUR RING??' and i said 'yeah i always will' and she said GIRL TAKE IT OFF ALREADY AND GET BACK OUT THERE.' i said 'im not interested'
She argued saying that i wear the necklace with his ring on it so i don't 'have to' wear my wedding ring. I ignored her and she took my hand and I honestly thought she was going to kiss it and apologize, but she took my ring off my finger and said 'much better.'
I grabbed it back from her and I know this wasn't the best thing to do but I was worked up and i yelled at her, I said 'Never do that again you hear me!?' and she said it was just a joke and i yelled again and said 'NEVER DO THAT AGAIN' and she said 'ok i wont jeez' and everyone went quiet.
I went home and cried. I feel really bad for yelling at her. I just couldn't control my anger. I felt so disrespected. I told her today I will not be attending her wedding, and now my mom and other sister are saying im a horrible sister and all that.
Be honest, am i the a**hole?
From the comments:
Ok_Degree7368 says:
I think she was drunk and being stupid and did a stupid thing which disrespected you and hurt your feelings. I do think you are overreacting by not attending her wedding. She did apologize that night and maybe you should talk to her and clear things up before the wedding.
If you don’t attend the wedding I do believe you would be the AH.
BoringInvestment926 OP responded:
she never apologized.
pinetree8000 says:
NTA about yelling, but YWBTA for not going to the wedding over this.
Also, being alone for the rest of your life because your husband died when you were 28 is a really bad idea. Please get therapy and get over this. You don't have to keep a promise to someone who is no longer living.
CanVegetable7392 says:
ESH. Firstly, my own spouse was murdered about 20 years ago, I'm 42. I can't imagine being frozen in that stage of grief for nearly 20 years, you've grieved THIS HARD longer than you were together. I use to feel like that too. I urge you to consider working with a grief counselor, there's a whole large part of life you're choosing to not have and you're barely middle age.
You're an adult, you can choose that for yourself. But its very Victorian. Literally, that's how Queen Victoria mourned. No one removed her ring, or veil. Your sister - she crossed a definite line. She can't force you into moving to a new stage. She got drunk and was a major beech tree. Its not unforgivable but enough to warrant a stern talking to.
She SUCKS. You - you suck. You're choosing the memory of your late husband over forgiving your living sister. Her actions warrants a TALK, an adult, heart to heart discussion. Not boycotting a wedding. You sound pretty judgemental in your description but I guess that's because you're still hurt.
PothierM says:
Her method of mourning is hurting literally no one. She has every right to live as she chooses. Why does she suck because she chooses to, in her mind, honor her lost love in this way?
Horsesh*t. She’s not choosing her dead husband over her living sister. She’s refusing to allow her living sister to disrespect her life choices and violate her boundaries. This wasn’t a one time event, this was an escalation of a pattern where the sister disapproves of her lifestyle and pressures her to date despite her clear disinterest in doing so.
International-Bad-84 says:
I give husband a pass for asking, because he was young and wanted to cling to life, or know he would be remembered. But he was wrong to do so.
Aradene says:
I think this is boarder-line ESH. Your choice is your choice, and your sister was the AH for disrespecting it regardless of what her or anyone else’s opinion of it is. You are 100% entitled to continue wearing that ring and keeping your commitment to your late husband, and that choice should be respected.
But I am concerned about your reaction to the ring being removed for less than a minute. She didn’t drop the ring down the drain, swallow it, put it on her own finger etc..
I whole heartedly admit I can’t imagine the pain of his loss, and the commitment you have to his memory screams volumes about how much you love and miss him. But I worry that this reaction to a minute of not wearing the ring isn’t healthy