'AITA for having my son miss his high school graduation trip to watch his sibling?' UPDATED
"AITA for having my son miss his graduating trip to watch his sibling?"
My son just graduated high school and we were paying so he could go on a road trip with his friends. He was suppose to go Wednesday, but my wife’s mother and father got in a car accident. They live in another state so we had to drive about 4 hours. My wife was a wreck and wasn’t in the position to drive since her dad was critical. He pulled through luckily.
We have two other kids, 11 and 7. We can’t leave them at home alone and we couldn’t find a sitter to watch them on such short notice. We even tried our neighbors but he couldn’t do it.
So that left our 18 year old. He was pi&^ed to put it mildly but did it. I told him we would make it up to him, and if he could ask if his friends could move it back a week. They couldn’t sadly.
We were gone for two days, he pulled through. My wife stayed and I headed back. I paid him for watching the kids and went to talk to him about getting him on the trip. It was suppose to be two weeks and they should just be a state over.
He blows up about ruining his trip and there is no point going (even though there should still be 12 days of the trip). He called me a jerk and locked himself in his room. I need another opinion since this was emergency and he doesn’t seem to care his grandparents almost passed.
First, a couple questions for the father.
CartographerHot2285 asked:
Was there a reason you didn't take the younger kids with you? They're at ages where you don't have to keep your eye on them every single second, it shouldn't have been that much of a bother.
OP responded:
It would have been an awful option for everyone, especially since I was running around through most of it and wasn’t in the room for a good bit. Mom was having breakdowns and was not even fit to look after herself — and grandpa and grandma were bad also. Grandpa was basically mangled
Maybe the middle child could have handled it but definitely not our youngest, we didn’t leave that whole time, so basically 48 hours at a hospital
litt3lli0n asked:
INFO: If your son had already left for the trip, what would you have done with your two kids?
OP responded:
I have no idea, my wife couldn’t watch them she was a wreck and I barely slept the whole time since I was handling that hospital and other paperwork.
Maybe stick them in the hospital room which would be a horrible opinion for everyone. I definitely don’t want them to see grandpa/ grandma like that and their mom having a breakdown.
With that information out in the open, commenters felt free to make judgments.
Honestly YTA. I don’t understand why you couldn’t take your kids, it’s their grandparents who were in critical condition after all. And what would have happened if he already left?
NAH - what a terrible situation for everyone involved. however - if he is rejecting any potential resolutions to this, it's just because he's upset. i'm sure he cares that his grandparents are ok, but he cares MORE about the trip, which given the circumstances, is somewhat understandable.
I'd say NAH. In this kind of sudden and critical situation you didn't have time to explore any other options (although taking your younger children with you would have been the next best thing) and you also paid him for babysitting.
Your son is also not an AH for being really upset and angry about missing his trip. However, he's only got himself to blame for not going out to meet them for the rest of it after you offered to get him there.
YTA - People only get a few core trips like that in a lifetime. You should not have considered your son as an option as a babysitter. A trip like that isn’t a “privilege” as some people have commented.
How many more opportunities like that will your son ever have? Probably not many. I don’t think the flying to catch up was a very viable option and I don’t blame the son for lashing out.
Expect the relationship to be damaged for years to come. The fact that you offered to make it up to your son shows you do not understand. But it was a nice graduation gift idea to offer to pay for it.
WTF is up with all the YTA votes? It sounds like they did the best they could with a horrible situation. They looked for other sitters even including neighbors but no one was available.
Taking the 2 kids with them would have made a horribly stressful situation even worse especially since the where at the hospital for around 48 hours. Mom was in no shape to help look after them considering she is probably thinking her dad might be dying.
The 18 year old was the last option and was payed for it as well as them saying they will try to make it up to him. NAH - They did there best and the 18 year old is a loud to be upset but this was an emergency situation.
In the end, OP added a few edits to finish the story:
Edit: Well he called his mom, let’s say it didn’t end well, he basically said the same thing he said to me. Wife had a breakdown on the phone with him, she sent him the injuries and pictures of grandpa/grandma. He finally came out of his room and told me he isn’t going to go on the trip and the plane tickets aren’t needed.
Talked to my wife, never heard her that mad. Son confirmed what happened, he started yelling at her the moment the call started and she lost her sh*t when he called her selfish. On good news, grandpa has some feeling back in his legs which was a huge concern
For people saying we didn’t have an emergency plan. We do. First, my closest friend —vacation. Main babysitter — not available. Backup babysitter — not available. Last resort, grandparents — hospital. We tried to find someone, that's why we even asked our neighbor who I have a good relationship with.
This will be my last update. I had a conversation with my son about everything. Mom and him will have a conversation when she calms down. His friends are not a state over, they are about two down at this point and going to Mexico.
They probably will get to the boarder tonight, they were supposed to be going to California . He had his passport and everything ready. This is a f**&ng mess.
I haven’t informed my wife yet and will wait until she is calmer. I’ll leave off with this: I hope none of you ever have to deal with a situation like this and please remember your parents are human.