'WIBTA for throwing every wrestling match I am forced to attend?' UPDATED

"WIBTA for throwing every wrestling match I am forced to attend?"

No_Grand_4260

My (15M) school has recently restarted all of the sport programs after almost a year of no/limited activity. Before that I was part of the swim team, one of the smaller groups at our school. I love swimming and it really sucked that we couldn't go for such a long time.

With the restart, the school also made a new system. Every student writes down 3 different afterschool activities in order of interest (so 1. choice is your favorite, 2. your second favorite and so on). The teachers in charge of the groups then pick the students.

First pick is students who already belonged to the groups before lookdown, second pick is then random and third pick is if there are still places left open in the group. Since I was part of the swim team before and put it down as my first choice I would basically be guaranteed to get in.

But now the results are out and I was placed in wrestling! I never even put that on my list at all, so I went to the teacher and asked whats going on. Turns out the teacher in charge of wrestling specifically requested me for whatever reason...

Turns out my dad knows the wrestling teacher quite well and asked for me to be placed on the team. I know my dad hates that I prefer swimming, he always says its not a real sport and that I should do some sport that actually gives me muscles. He constantly tells me I'm too skinny for a guy and has made several attempts to make me go to the gym to work out.

I asked the teachers if I can still switch teams but they say no. I also can not just avoid the wrestling club because afterschool activities are mandatory.

So last night I had a huge fight with my dad, I called him an a** for forcing me to go to wrestling and that I will just forfeit every single match I have to attend. He threatened me, saying if I do that he will take away all my electronics and I will only be allowed to leave the house for school and nothing else.

My mom says I should have the right to choose whatever sport I want, but now that I'm on the wrestling team I should still do my best. Also not to call my dad an a**... but I don't want to participate in something I have zero interest in, was forced into even! Also I was really looking forward to swimming again and meeting my team mates...

Here were the top rated comments after this initial post:

ledasmom

NTA. That’s ridiculous and, also, your dad doesn’t think swimming gives you muscles????

ScorchieSong

Less “manlier“ sports like gymnastics and even areas like dancing can be just as good for the body as more conveniently physical sports like football and wrestling, and great for stamina, hand eye coordination and straight up perseverance. Look at Nightwing in the comics, background as a trapeze artist with an acrobatic movement style, and he’s one of the sexiest DC characters for good reason.

Ugly_Painter

NTA. Your father needs to watch some Olympic swimmers, performing competitively gives people well muscled bodies.

lilEve77

Wow, this is a really sucky situation, I am sorry. I can’t believe your school would force you to follow through with this. You are NTA for not wanting to wrestle and calling out your dad, but the fact is that, at the moment, you are on the wrestling team. I would ask for a conversation with the wrestling coach and calmly tell him your story.

Tell him that you are a good swimmer but that your dad doesn’t think it is manly enough and is forcing you to compete. Tell him that you are contemplating forfeiting every game. If the coach has any sense, he wouldn’t want someone like that on the team. Do everything you can to get out of it, talk to anyone you can: the principal, a guidance counselor, anyone.

If the decision stands, you have my sympathies, but try to make the best of the situation anyway. Forfeiting each game will make your team mates resent you and might make things even harder for you. Good luck and I hope you can make them change their minds.

Once the comments started to flood in, the OP decided to give a few more details:

Edit 1: Thanks so far for the support. Next week I will talk to more teachers, guidance teacher and also write to the principal. Guess I will also try to talk with my mom again and maybe convince her (also will mention what some people wrote that wrestling could potentially dangerous maybe that will convince her). Worst case I will go through with it and just put in zero effort, if no one listens to me.

Edit 2: So this has gotten a lot more responses than I thought. First of all, thanks to everyone supporting me. I talked to my mom again, without my dad nearby. She still thinks I should give wrestling a try but if I really want to change she will support me.

So next week I will go and talk first to my swim coach and the wrestling coach and hopefully get it resolved, otherwise I will go further to the principal. I can post an update next week and tell you guys how things worked out.

Some of you suggested I should go to the newspaper or something, but I really do not feel comfortable blowing things up like that. Slandering the school is gonna backfire like 100%.

I have also gotten a lot of creative things instead of just throwing the match. I would like to show my face in public sometime so no, I will ignore most of the really weird suggestions. Thanks I guess?

I also got a few question about the rule of afternoon activities being mandatory. So we have to do activities for 2 years total but we are free to choose when we do them during high school. We can choose between a lot of club activities offered by the school not just sports but all kind of activities (music, art, reading / writing clubs, gardening or even game design).

School club activities are always free and if you require financial assistance for like an instrument or so, I think you can also get financial aid. But I don't really know the details.

Additionally, if we attend a club or regular activity outside of school we can also get credits for that, just need work it out with the teachers. We also don't get grades or something, it is just noted on our final report. I also do not really know what happens if you don't complete them.

Here were the top rated comments after the OP's clarifications:

ParsimoniousSalad

Complain to your principal! This backroom deal between your father and the wrestling coach doesn't sound fair (to you or anyone else who trusted the voting system). Fight this placement! You deserve swim team! NTA.

No_Grand_4260 OP responded:

Umm I can try to request a talk with the principal. We can't just walk in and talk to him. Have to first go to a teacher, then secretary and so on. But yeah I will complain to my teachers. This isn't fair...

Ellamation

Hi wrestler here. While I don’t recommend ‘throwing the match’ as it can be dangerous if not done in a safe manner and you don’t know your opponent. I do recommend refusing to get on the mat. What are they going to do, carry you?

Also, email the principal, wrestling coach and the swim team coach. Point out the back door deal in this email, and then state that you are politely refusing to participate in any sport other than swim as you were apart of the team and that was you #1 so that should be priority.

molobodd

NTA. But there are plenty of a**holes in your story; dad, coach, and mom. I forced my kids to do stuff when they were your age, but only after they themselves had asked to join an activity. We had a one-semester rule. If you yourself want to play soccer, you don't get to come and go to practice as you wish because of Xbox or quit mid-season.

Also, wrestling isn't just any sport. It is a combat sport that isn't for everyone. To force a young man to wrestle against his will is more bonkers than to force someone to swim. But don't call your dad an a** if you want him to listen to your argument.

lilinette12

Holy sh*t NTA Your father needs to learn something swimming is one hell of a f*cking workout, its an Olympic sport for a reason, sure you don't get super buff like a body builder but you do get muscles from that, swimming takes alot of energy as well its not an easy sport.

Also you should fight this, as it was not your choice to begin with and this was a backroom deal. You stated this was NOT your choice if its not on the paper why are you there? The teacher asked? No they stated one of 3 wrestling is not one of your 3 choices, so are they saying your choice doesn't matter? Or will they honor your choices?

4 days later, the OP returned with a formal update:

So I wanted to write an update after the situation has been resolved. First things first: I am back on the swim team. For now.

Today was a really weird and awkward day. First opportunity I went to talk to my swim coach and explain the whole situation and that I'm not willing to stay on the wrestling team. He was pretty mad at my dad as well as the wrestling coach, so he took me to the secretary, explained the whole thing and asked her to change the list.

She was in turn quite mad, because apparently the whole system is a big mess. I'm not even remotely the only student who was misplaced. So then the secretary called in my homeroom teacher. There was a lot of accusation. I was just standing there feeling awkward. Really weird to see three adults being mad at each other.

In the end, I was basically told by all three to just ignore the whole thing and that I can just join the swim team if I want to. I figured that was it, until the end of school day then the wrestling coach had me come to his office. He gave me a long talk about how disappointed he is, how he had high hopes for me bla bla bla. I told him I really don't care and that he was a jerk for just ignoring what I want to do.

To sum up: Wrestling coach is mad at me, homeroom teacher is mad at me for complaining, swimming coach is mad at school and my dad is probably gonna freak out when he hears that I won't wrestle. Oh well...

Lastly I want to thank all the people that encouraged me to stand up for myself. You had a lot of good advice. And some really weird advice. And some really terrible but funny advice. Thank you all!

The OP added this last note one the same day:

Mom told dad about the switch as he came home from work. He has so far completely ignored me, not a single word. Actually a nice outcome, I guess.

Two days later, the OP added a final update.

I wanted to add a last point here. Last night, I had a talk with my dad and my mom. It was... awkward. Dad apologized for the wrestling thing but also said he wants me to grow up strong so that I can defend myself. He says swimming won't help me when I get in trouble. I was really confused about that because I never have been bullied or gotten in trouble or something like that.

Mom later told me that my dad used to get bullied a lot in high school, so he started working out in college and that helped him a lot. I guess he wanted me to do the same. It's really weird at home at the moment, but I guess he is not a complete a**? Still kinda but I don't know...

Here were the top rated comments after this latest update:

5thPLL

In regards to you comment about it being odd seeing all the adults mad at each other: The only adult I can see is your swim coach. Everyone else is behaving like a bunch of manipulative mini dictators who are bummed they got caught out screwing with a young adult who knows his own mind by now.

That’s why it looks so weird. If your dad flips, show him the original thread. And if your dads reads this: you are the epicenter of the mess. It’s entirely your fault, don’t take it out on your kid.

mg_squirrel

I think the secretary is just an overworked bureaucrat who had the responsibility of setting this while system up thrust upon her, so I don't think she's to blame at all. It sounds like from her perspective, see gave instructions to the people involved and those people likely didn't follow her instructions either by negligence or malice.

That kind of a scenario is par for the course for all these systems we're coming up with to "solve problems caused by Covid." Haphazard plans poorly executed by people without the power or time to enforce their rules, manipulated by people who have their own ideas about how things should run.

snootnoots

So OP’s dad was apparently trying to protect him from (hypothetical) bullying at school by… bullying him at home. Right. Dad needs therapy and a reality check.

Indifferent_Jackdaw

Father of the year, puking his undigested trauma all over his kid. Hope OP is thriving.

Strong-Bottle-4161

Lmfao id go back and complain about the wrestling coach coming and complaining about you leaving. He’s already p*ssed, might as well let him stay p*ssed.

No_Grand_4260 OP responded:

Ehh I could but don't want to poke the bear. I can swim again and that's enough for now.