Mom tells stepdaughter she 'should be lucky I treat you as my own.'
Jearshsbd OP asks:
'AITA for telling my stepdaughter she’s lucky I treat her as my own?'
I 44F have 2 to children with my husband (2) boy and (3) girl and a bonus daughter (18F) Emily.
My stepdaughter has been living with us for 6 months this past year. She moved in because she told us her mother kicked her out since they didn’t have a good relationship, and her mother said she was too problematic.
Since her moving in, I’ve been very welcoming and I’ve spent more than enough money to help Emily get on her feet. This includes work shoes, comforter sets for her bed, hair products, clothing and underwear.
We told her that she could live here as long as she needed, but since her moving here she’s become a burden to both my children and I. My children and I are used to a regimen of waking up, spending time with my husband, him dropping them off at daycare, and then he goes off to work.
When he gets home, I cook, clean and we spend the rest of our night with the kids.
My stepdaughter has become has become entitled, and whenever she needs anything financially she will ask either myself or my husband. When I bought her work uniform, she kept the job for 3 weeks and then quit because she “didn’t like her co-workers”.
She has taken most of my savings. She has taken time from my children away from my husband, and used that time for herself, and has been extremely unappreciative for what I’ve done for her. I told her she needed to figure out a living plan because she is 18 and a legal adult and that she needs to start adulting.
She mentioned how she was in school (online) and I told her that wasn’t enough since there are more hours in the day and she can do more than just be lazy all day and use her computer as an excuse.
She told me that I am jealous of her relationship with my husband and I reminded her that she’s living in our home rent-free. I told her that she should be lucky that I treat her as my own because not everyone would do so with their stepchild.
My husband thinks I am wrong for saying this to her and that what I did was harsh, but I don’t see how when she is 18 years old and she is grown. She doesn’t appreciate anything I’ve done for her. I try and try but she just has no goal or ambition for her life no matter how hard I encourage or push for her.
Comments:
Daskesmoelf_8 says:
what do you even mean with her taking away time from the kids?
Jearshsbd OP:
I have small kids, with her being here and being so needy she’s taken quality time that the kids spend with him when he’s off work with her. She intentionally will talk with him for hours to take time away from my kids.
Dittoheadforever says:
YTA. It doesn't sound like you have done anything extraordinary for her. You've bought her clothes, food, put a roof over her head. Most parents would do all that, big deal. So she's disrupting your routines, too bad. She has a right to speak with her dad and hang out with him as much as her siblings do.
As for her asking for things, you all can say no. And if necessary, Dad can set aside time for her after his younger children have gone to bed.
Such_Stranger1843 says:
Are you going to kick your own kids out when they turn 18? Or only her because she’s not yours?
Jearshsbd OP:
Yes but most adults that age are in dorms, already paying rent to live in or have roommates and pay rent there. When I was her age I was paying rent while living with my mom so she has no excuse.
Impossible_Focus5201 says:
So you provided her with basic necessities and she isn’t bowing down to you, she’s spending time with her father, and she goes to school and for all these things she is a burden? She’s a teenager being thrown around because no one wants her, and instead of trying to help, you’re adding to HER burden. YTA.
Jearshsbd OP:
And it doesn’t seem a red flag to you that no one wants her? If Michelle (her mother) kicked her out then there’s reason enough being. I’ve been more than kind, spending money, giving my savings etc to make sure she was set and comfortable.
Even bought her a brand new $75 comforter set so it could match the decorations in her room, she needs to be thankful, I am not her mother so I am not obligated to treat her as such even though I did but even with this being said I still took on the mother role and she’s been nothing but unappreciative. I can count on one hand the amount of times she’s said “thank you”.
michelleinAZ says:
It’s harsh because she isn’t taking time away from his kids - she IS his kid. This is something dad needs to handle. YTA.