Mom tries to keep stepchild from pre-paid family vacation; 'I'm still seeing red.'

Blended families don't always blend easily, and there is always major potential for favoritism. One mother came to Reddit for advice:

'AITA (Am I the A-hole) for expecting my stepdaughter to be uninvited from the trip?'

Illustrious-Foot-361 writes:

My husband and I have neen married for about a year. We have 2 kids. 15F Ella who is my daughter from a previous marriage, and 14F Anya who is his daughter.

We have 50/50 custody of both girls but the custody plan is in a way that each week we have one of the girls and we usually don't have them at the same time which I think is a good thing. Anya skipped a grade so she is in the same class as Ella.

A few days before Christmas Ella came back home crying. She told me that Anya and her friends have been making fun of her.

This is not the first time she has bullied my daughter. She mocked her for being fat (she is just a little overweight) and made fun of her for not having any friends.

When I heard the whole story of what happened I was so mad. My FIL has been planning a trip for the entire family, completely paid, and even though Anya wasn't supposed to be with us in that week, she was invited. I decided I don't want her to be anywhere around Ella.

I called FIL and explained everything to him and asked him to uninvite Anya. He basically told me that if we have a problem with his granddaughter then we can just skip the trip and didn't listen to anything else I said. I waited for my husband to come back home and told him everything. He said 'he'll handle it'.

I asked him if that means Anya is uninvited and he said no but he will find an appropriate punishment. I was fuming.

I made a Facebook post explaining what had happened and said if Anya is there then Ella and I will not be going.

My SIL messaged me and called me an a-hole and told me to delete my post and said I'm delusional if I think they'll uninvite their niece so that 2 strangers would join the trip.

We didn't go. I'm so angry that I'm still seeing red. Am I an a-hole for expecting them to uninvite her?

Who is the jerk here? Is it OP, Anya, the FIL, or someone else?

Reddit ruled YTA (you're the a-hole) and didn't hold back.

OldDominionSmoke says:

YTA…this isn’t your vacation, your FIL can invite who he wants and he’s inviting all of his grandchildren. Also, way to make it about you and put it on Facebook.

Alarmed_Jellyfish555 agrees:

It's so bizarre to me that OP thinks it's solely up to her to decide how Anya is punished. But absolutely baffling to me that she thinks she can dictate who someone else invites on their vacation.

YTA. Yes, the stepdaughter is also an asshole for bullying. But I'm not voting ESH (everyone sucks here), because I'm solely voting in response to OP's main question. Also, the unreliable narrator vibes are strong with this one.

Brainjacker agrees:

YTA and delusional for thinking your demands and social media posts were going to help you in any way. Nothing of what you did addressed the actual issue or will make life better for your daughter.

And OP responds:

You know what would have made it better for my daughter? A nice vacation without her bully. But instead she had to sit at home and see her bully make posts about her trip and how much fun she is having.

yet_another_sock points out:

Yeah, ofc people are going to fixate on how completely delusional and self-absorbed it is for OP to expect her FIL to uninvite his grandkid, and it is. But I do want to emphasize how fucked up OP's Facebook habit is.

OP wanted to stand up for her kid, good. She wanted to do it by telling her FIL to spend his money on his brand-new stepchild instead of his grandchild, delusional, but OK, whatever. She thought the appropriate way to do this was... broadcasting her self-conscious teen's hurt and humiliation to everyone she knows??

Dragging her kid into her public shaming campaign in such a way that her extended family are even more likely to ostracize her? That poor kid, man. I suspect that the root of her confidence issues and social isolation ultimately has very little to do with her stepsister or her body.

Sweet_Persimmon_492 asks:

INFO: where is your husband in all this? Why isn’t he doing anything about his daughter’s behavior?

OP answers:

Of course he is doing something. He is enjoying his time in his expensive oversees trip with his daughter.

From Reasonable-Pen-88:

You say ‘we’ have two kids, but from what you write it sounds like you and your husband have one kid (your bio daughter), and your husband has a kid who you tolerate and refuse to parent at best, but also who you actively bully/exclude and publicly humiliate on occasion. You’re not just a bad parent, you are an abusive one.

It amazes me that you’re surprised Anya thinks bullying is acceptable - after all, she’s just copying your behaviour. YTA, and I hope that your husband gets you out of his daughter’s life ASAP before you do any more damage.

hannahsflora says:

Anya's bullying of Ella is absolutely not okay and should be handled, but you are the bigger asshole in this scenario by deciding that the only appropriate punishment is to disinvite Anya - your FIL's biological grandchild - from a trip that you're not even paying for.

And putting all of this on social media? You seriously put a 14 year old on blast on social media? You should be ashamed of yourself.

And OP said back:

That kid has been constantly bullying my daughter. It would be good for her to see the consequence of her actions. No one likes a bully.