In a post on Reddit, a teen was confronted with a really tricky problem. He reached out for help, and then got the courage to confront his parents. Here's his story.
Both my older brother and sister went to the same college. My brother graduated two years ago, my sister is set to graduate in two years. Both had their college paid by our dad. Dad paid all their college expenses, including rent, food, their cars, pocket money, you name it.
My brother has a job now, his own place, lives together with his fiancee, and has his life together. My sister already has a good paying job, and my dad still pays for almost everything for her.
I got accepted to the same college, which was always the plan, and was looking forward to talk with my parents about the next steps, and ask them to help me the same they did for my siblings. I always assumed they had money put aside for my college the way they had for my siblings.
Dad told me that mom had 18 years to let me know and prepare me for the future, but obviously she never did. He said it was never is place to say anything since I am not his son, and didn't want to interfere with mom's parenting.
Apparently my grandparents know I am not dad's biological son, but they haven't bothered to tell me anything either.
My siblings had no idea, and they are as surprised as I am because there was never a hint of anything being off. I might be naive, but I always thought I had a great relationship with my dad. We go to see sports together, we go fishing together, he tutored me when I had difficulties with math (dad is an engineer), he taught me to drive.
I never got a hint he stores resentment towards me. I mean, he gave me my name, and has explained what my name means, and he was very proud of it. It's a story he tells from time to time. He likes to talk about stuff like that about me.
I feel abandoned and unprepared for what lies ahead. I am not even sure I will be able to go to college any more, I always assumed my parents will pay for it. I never had a job, and I am not sure what job I can even get to support me through college, I have no idea how to apply for loans.
All my mom has done is cry and apologize. But nothing of substance, she has no idea how to help me. I don't even know if I am welcomed home any more, it's all up in the air, I feel shame leaving my room, and if I will be asked to move out I don't know where to go. I don't have any savings, maybe $400 put together.
I am angry at my mom, I am confused about where I stand with my dad. There's a man out there who is my father that never wanted to have anything to do with me. I feel rejected and I have no idea what to do to fix this situation.
Anyone have any idea what to do here? Do I apologize to my dad? What do I say to him? Idk, I've been stuck in my room these past few days, reading and browsing Reddit. I have no idea what to do.
I did manage to talk with both my mom and dad, and I know where I now stand in relation with them, as well as my siblings.
The conclusion is that I am definitely going to college, it will be the college I have always wanted to go to, and I will have the same experience as my siblings. The money to pay for all this already exists, my family is not going bankrupt as suggested, my dad just had a mental breakup with all the issues around my grandpa and his fight with my mom.
What started the entire scandal was poor timing on my part, my parents just had a fight, and then I showed up 'hey, pay for my college'.
My parents were talking about us, their children, and mom said something to the lines of 'to think you wanted to split up when I came back pregnant', or something like that, I was not there, this is what she told me.
I guess dad was talking how proud he was of his children, and mom wanted to express her 'gratitude' for dad raising me as his own, and dad took it as 'the affair was the best decision I ever made' or something like that. And their fight escalated from there, and mom told dad something like 'what makes you think any of them are yours'.
I did talk with my siblings, and my sister raised a storm and rode it here while blasting my parents on the phone, ha ha. My brother was calmer, but made his feelings known in no uncertain terms as well once he got back home.
When mom had an affair years ago, and got pregnant with me, my parents started divorce. Mom moved in with the man she had the affair with, but after a few months that guy decided he wants nothing to do with it. He kicked mom out, and she had nowhere to go. Mom and dad got back together, after a lot of work, dad took me as his own, and that's my life since then.
I did learn where I stand with my family, and it's safe to say that I am loved, and I have options. I thought I am isolated, but my world is wider than I thought. Grandparents, siblings, my aunt, my cousins, all have my back.
I think my parents are human, and they make mistakes, and even though this was not their greatest moment, I think I will look at everything as nothing more than a weak moment in an otherwise wonderful relationship.
Here's what people had to say:
Sorry about your grandpa, but I'm relieved it ended on a good note. It looks like you've already sorted out how you are gonna deal with this from here. Thanks for the update and good luck!
If he truly will not help, apply for emancipation. That way you will qualify for grants and financial aid.
Seriously, get that DNA test. if your parents wont help with doing their own, ask your siblings.