Teen spends birthday with BF and dad, mom's upset, she says 'why would you care now.'
Adjusting to a blended family is a lot of work for a kid no matter what. But it's extra challenging when your new step-siblings are obviously favored, and there's a new family culture of unfairness and neglect.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teen asked if she was wrong for snapping at her parents after they scolded her for "missing" a birthday celebration. She wrote:
"AITA for telling my family that they never cared about my birthday before why should it matter now?"
My (18f)'s parents divorced when I was about 6, it was 50-50 custody split with my mom wasting no time to get remarried to my step-dad. My step-dad had children already: Alex (15m), Violet (16f), and Mabel (17f). I was relentlessly bullied by them for various things I couldn't control: Having a speech impediment, having less expensive clothes, only being to see my dad on weekends, etc.
My mom and step-dad didn't do anything to stop it and essentially told me "kids will be kids" then kept it pushing. My mom would lightly scold Violet and Mabel if they hurt me while "playing" but wouldn't do anything more. I had to watch as they got far more expensive gifts for birthdays and Christmas and actually what they wanted from their wishlist.
All while I got the bare minimum of necessities and would only get something I actually wanted from my dad but he could only go far due to making 2x less than what my step-dad makes. I appreciated it nonetheless. I didn't even get to properly enjoy my cake or rather cupcakes that my mom made to "cut down on cost" because my siblings ate it before I could get seconds.
I was never allowed a party because my friends were "too messy and loud." Around age ten, I pretty much stopped expecting them to put effort into my birthday and just kinda let it pass by whenever I was with them. Yesterday was my eighteenth birthday and I decided to spend it with my friends, boyfriend, and dad.
I was pretty much was out all day and came back at around nearly 10pm, my mom was waiting for me with my step-dad and pretty much blew up on me for not spending the day with them. Apparently, they prepared a small celebration for me that got wasted because I wasn't there. They were both going off on me for being inconsiderate and ungrateful.
In the middle of their little rant I had snapped that they never f#$king cared about my birthday all these years, why should this one matter now? They were in shock and that gave me an opportunity to go to my room and sleep. I woke up to texts from my grandparents and aunt saying that I was disrespectful for saying that and ungrateful for anything my mom and step-dad did for me.
Edit: Just to be clear I put my step-siblings' current ages within the post, not the ages when they were bullying me. It made sense to me when I made this post but I understand how it could be confusing.
The internet had plenty of thoughts to share.
firefly232 wrote:
"I woke up to texts from my grandparents and aunt saying that I was disrespectful for saying that and ungrateful for anything my mom and step-dad did for me."
Consider texting them back with everything you've said here. Do this in a factual way. Start with the fact that you haven't had a birthday party and have had minimal effort from them. Point out that if they wanted to do something with you, they should have told you, should have made arrangements. Ask them if they were aware of this all through the years...
"My step-dad had children already: Alex (15m), Violet (16f), and Mabel (17f). I was relentlessly bullied by them for various things I couldn't control: Having a speech impediment, having less expensive clothes, only being to see my dad on weekends, etc."
"I didn't even get to properly enjoy my cake or rather cupcakes that my mom made to 'cut down on cost' because my siblings ate it before I could get seconds."
It's unkind of your mother to allow the continual b*llying to take place. And it's clear that your stepdad was OK with treating you like a second-class citizen all these years and your mother let this happen. NTA.
Vegetable-Cod-2340 wrote:
NTA. You stood up for yourself. I would ask the grandparents and aunts where they were when you were getting bullied and treated like crap! OP you don't have to deal with people that abused you or people that enabled that abuse.
Be prepared as you put space between yourself and your ab*sers, they will suddenly care and be confused why you have to ‘hold grudges,' but you should continue to put your mental health first and if that mean going no or low contact with those people, know that it's okay to put yourself first.
teresajs wrote:
NTA. You're an adult now. Just move in full time with your Dad.
the_greek_italian wrote:
NTA. Ask your grandparents and aunt when the last time your mom and stepdad held a birthday party for you. Ask them if they ever remember a time when they watched you and your stepsiblings open presents and you got less compared to them.
Tell your side of the story, and if they still don't believe you, go to live with your dad. You're 18, after all, so I believe you can leave your mom's house now.
Lucky_Log2212 wrote:
NTA. It is sad that the truth always seems to make people sooooo uncomfortable. Those other people can think and feel however they wish, the fact remains that they can't and won't acknowledge the fact that they were crappy parents to you and is trying to save face.
But, they really know you are right, and they know that they treated you badly, but want to be given prizes because they provided a roof over your head, food to eat and a place to lay your head. But, they deserve nothing else in the form of a thank you. You are not ungrateful, you are a realist and it is a shame that they got their just desserts. Tell them, "I treated you like they treated me. Sucks, doesn't it."
OP is NTA here, this is just a simple matter of the truth being a tough pill to swallow - one her mom and stepdad don't feel ready to.