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Teen asks dad to exclude stepsister from their bonding trip, he invites her anyway.

Teen asks dad to exclude stepsister from their bonding trip, he invites her anyway.


Sharing a parent is hard enough with a sibling you grew up with, so step-sibling relationships can get very intense. Particularly if it feels like one kid's needs are getting prioritized over another's. This can really come to a head during holidays and vacations.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teen asked if she's wrong for demanding her stepsister doesn't come on her father-daughter family trip. She wrote:

"AITA for refusing to let my step-sister come to a father-daughter trip I'm having with my dad (and some other family members)?"

My (15F) parents divorced when I was 3, my dad quickly remarried after that to my now step-mother, no kids between them, tho my Step-mom (whom I'll call ''Dora'') has a 16 y/o daughter (Sam) who quickly bonded with my dad because her bio dad has never been in the picture, he loves her and treats her as his own, but we're not close and we don't really like each other so anyway.

She also lives primarily with my dad while I spend Friday night to Monday morning at his house and around 3-5 weeks during school break. Now my paternal family is really outdoorsie, we like to do a bunch of things around that Sam is included and we just ignore each other during them while enjoying our time with others.

However, my dad, grandad, aunt and I have a special treasure hunt we do around Christmas that it's really special to me. It's like the only real time I have with my dad because, while Sam is not as b#$%hy as some I've read here, she really likes to demand both my grandad and dad's attention and since they consider me ''tomboy-ish'' they kinda ignore me to coddle her which sucks.

My dad asked me around my 10th birthday if he could invite Sam and I said no. I've been saying no ever since and while he doesn't like it, he respects it, he does other stuff with her without me and I don't complain.

This year, however, Sam is very adamant on going and I just don't want to, my dad is pressuring me to let her come as well as Dora. My aunt and grandma are insisting he just leaves this thing untouched between us but my dad doesn't want to hurt ''his little girl's feelings.'' NGL, that stung so I said that if he really wants her there, then he doesn't have to pick me up for Christmas this year and to just leave me be.

I called my mom to pick me up and my dad tried to console me and apologize because I was crying but I just asked him to leave me alone and got to the porch to wait. Sam and Dora insist that I'm and AH and I'm acting selfish but the way I see it it's not like that, this is the only real thing I have with my dad, I have to do everything else with him and Sam or else I get a nasty look.

I get that dad loves her, I don't care, but why do I have to share the only thing I have?

People had a lot to say about this family dynamic.

Advanced-Awareness71 wrote:

NTA. Your father is TA. His wife and her daughter are likewise TA. As represented, this has been, for your entire life a you-dad thing. Your father is willing to surrender this last activity to pacify his wife and the child he provides care to 24/7/365, while only taking care of you 2 days/week + summer.

Clearly you understandably feel pushed out as his only daughter in favor of someone he has not, apparently, adopted. You understandably treasure what little father-daughter time you can get, but he wants to destroy that. I’m sorry your father seems to have put you in second place rather than at least equal to his wife’s daughter.

He is a major AH. I would not be surprised if, after reaching the age of maturity, you cut contact with him. He will lose any remaining father/daughter traditions with you, in favor of his wife’s daughter, like walking you down the aisle. Fortunately, your mom is there.

SuzieQbert wrote:

NTA. You're not asking her to be excluded from everything. You just want this one special tradition to remain untouched. Maybe remind your dad that because they have him full time, and you only have him half the time, they already have moments with him dedicated just to them.

Why don't you also deserve that level of focus from him? I hope you can find a compromise that leaves you feeling cared for.

potatopo-ta-to wrote:

NTA. I think simply because not only did he refer to his stepdaughter as his "little girl" when she's NOT his biological daughter and you are.

"Since and while he doesn't like it, he respects it, he does other stuff with her without me and I don't complain."

Plus it sounds like they do a lot of stuff together without you and you never complain, so I feel they don't have a right to pressure you to let them join when you've never pressured them to let you join their bonding time.

"This is the only real thing I have with my dad,"

You also said she LIVES with him, she's basically his kid. You only see him four times a week. She sees him every day, he should be trying to run away from her not pressure you to bring her. It's not your fault you have a dad and she doesn't. She sounds like a living centipede. And shame on your grandparents for not paying attention to you and coddling someone who refuses to join the activity.

mdsnbelle wrote:

“Dad, your little girl is right here, and your repeated asking is hurting MY feelings.”

Unless…how uninvolved is Sam’s dad? Have you ever met him? Has your mum?

Is it possible that your dad and Dora’s quick marriage was because he had something going on before either of you were born and your mum found out about it when you were three? Is it possible you really are hurting your dad’s little girl’s feelings and it was a Freudian slip?And…it looks like my gummy just kicked in. Also, NTA.

Serious-Day5968 wrote:

NTA. Your father lives with Sam, she can have him any other day of the week. Dora and Sam are both being greedy with your dad's attention. I would sit with him and explain to him exactly how you feel. If he can't respect that then you know exactly where he stands and it's up to you If you want to spend Christmas with him or not.

Clearly, OP is NTA, her dad needs a serious wake-up call before he loses her forever.

Sources: Reddit
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