Far too many parents want to parent on their terms, without thinking about how their behavior affects their kids long-term. If you abandon a child, but then demand they treat you like a parent years later, you may just get a taste of your own medicine.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teen asked if he was wrong for telling his dad he's not interested in having a relationship with him. He wrote:
My(16m) dad(47) cheated on my mom with and married my former babysitter(26). He hasn’t visited us for four years, resulting in termination of his parental rights for abandonment, before finally starting to visit. He spent a lot of time begging my mom to tell me to talk to him.
It was my aunt who told me that he only started to visit after finding out his wife is infertile and can’t give him a new child. At first, I put up with his visits since my mom said that I should at least be civil to him but then he brought his wife over and she complained about our dog. She said dogs are vicious and dangerous, and that I shouldn’t be around one since I’m ‘a kid.’
Note that the dog is well-trained and very friendly, even by Golden Retriever standards. My mom refused to say anything even as this woman called her a bad mom so I told my dad’s wife that this is our house and if she doesn’t like our dog she can leave cause it’s not her place. Dad then told me I should be nicer to her if I want a relationship with him.
That was when I told him I am not really that interested after he abandoned me for years and only showed up again because he could not make another child to replace me and my brother. Later my brother(18) said I didn’t have to be so cruel to him even though he did abandon us. Was I too cruel?
Awww, his replacement child bride could not give him another child. So terrible./s Nah OP, you spoke the truth. I guess he will get another twenty-something. Let's hope he is now the infertile one. NTA.
NTA. Good for you. I wouldn’t have had the guts to say that at that age. If you saying that is all it would take for him to turn his back on you (again), that’s all you need to know. Perhaps tell him that if he wants a relationship with you, he and his wife need to not judge the life you and your family built without them.
NTA. F#$k him. 4 years of not going giving a s#$t about his own kids - unimaginative and unforgivable as a father. Tbh, I’d just go no contact with dad as he clearly hasn’t made his own children a priority in his life. He doesn’t deserve to get to know you as you mature into magnificent people.
NTA, it wasn’t BS and unfortunately for others the truth hurts. I can understand why your brother may have felt to come to his defense because I have similar issues within my family where my sister is less forgiving than I am. Affairs happen, children suffer, the parents get old and sometimes they own their mistakes and sometimes they don’t.
Some want to make up for the damage, sometimes the damage is not repairable and this can also change dynamics with siblings because like I expressed above your brother is willing to build a relationship, and sounds like he has forgiven to a certain extent and his defensiveness shows that.
You are less forgiving and there is nothing wrong with that, you don’t need to put up and shut up with it, you have feelings and they are just as valid as your brothers. In relation to your question, no you wasn’t cruel.
UPDATE: I talked to him again and he said his wife expressed 'a valid concern' and that having a dog isn't such a good idea so I told him I don't want to talk to him anymore. He looked quite shocked and asked me if I'm choosing my dog over him. I told him yes. Already blocked his number and mom agreed it's for the best, and that she doesn't want to play nice anymore.
OP is doing the right thing for himself, and that's what matters.