No one likes to feel left out of a plan that they made, even if it's not personal.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teen asked if she was wrong for telling her mom that her new tattoo hurt her feelings. She wrote:
My (16F) mom (47F) and sister (21F) got matching tattoos. This has been the plan since my sister first turned 18, and I was aware of this. Their plan was to get matching suns, and when I was 18, I’d get matching moons with my mom. All of this was fine, until my mom and sister came home today with their tattoos.
They had half of a sun and half of a moon. I smiled and said they were pretty, and tried leaving. My mom asked what was wrong and I told her that her getting a moon with my sister hurt my feelings as that was always the plan for me and her. She suggested that I get the same tattoo they got and all 3 of us could match. I said it isn’t the same now that my sister has it, and it took the novelty away.
She called me dramatic and said we’d find something else to get, which is true, but it still hurt my feelings that she got the moon with my sister. So, AITA for telling my mom that her tattoo hurt my feelings?
NTA. They put you under the impression that your sister and your mom would have a special tattoo and that you and your mom would have a different special tattoo. They combined both of them without even telling you. You’ll probably get over it a lot with time but you have every right to be upset.
NTA. I would say n a h because maybe this was a case where what seemed like a set-in-stone plan to you wasn’t in their minds, but calling you dramatic is mean. Even if it was a miscommunication you have every reason to be upset based on your understanding of the plan.
A considerate person would have said “oh no! I didn’t realize that that meant so much to you—I’m sorry and we’ll come up with something new to replace that plan.” All that said—this is a moment in time that feels big now but does not need to long term.
The best thing you can do is feel your feelings and then do your best to let it go. Choose a new tattoo, get a tattoo all on your own without matching with your mom, whatever.
NTA. Your mom did something special with your sister and is acting like you shouldn’t have anything of your own to share with her. I mean this - please do not get that tattoo. And do not go to get a tattoo feeling hurt or uncomfortable or hoping that this tattoo will CHANGE how you feel.
You are more important than that, and you deserve better than to be used like that for someone else’s story.
NTA. They could’ve waited 2 years and all gone together. The plan to have one special tattoo with each of you would’ve also worked fine, but they compromised that and now if you went to get the same tattoo later it won’t be the same experience because you aren’t getting it together- you’d be getting it alone to catch up on the trend.
Part of the bond of matching tattoos is the experience of getting them done together- not just the fact that they match. They took that part of the experience away from you and that’s hurtful. You have every right to be upset.
NTA. I thought about this and I figured out the part that really bugs me is how not special mom is treating getting a tattoo with OP. She’s acting like it’s just another piece of skin art. No big deal. No reason to even be upset. Just choose a different one from the book and we’ll get that.
OP made it seem like this was a meaningful bonding moment she was looking forward to sharing with her mom once she gets older. It sounds like it’s Tuesday for mom.
OP is NTA here, her mom is being very dismissive.