Setting the record straight doesn't always go over well. Especially, if you're going against what your parents envisioned for you.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teen asked if she was wrong for telling her parents they should start saving for her sister's care. She wrote:
My parents have my sister (14f) and me (17m). My sister is autistic. She's very verbal and has issues with social cues and generally isn't very easy to be around. She says pretty mean things to people and she's the worst to me. She does not have any kind of filter and I struggle to be around her.
Sometimes I have to leave the table when we're having dinner or leave the house when she starts because I want to so badly explode on her. My parents always tell me I need to understand, it's the autism, she's learning, she's working with therapists on the behavior. They will tell me over and over to be understanding.
On more than one occasion my parents scolded me for walking away and I asked them directly if they would rather I tell her to f#$k off. My parents said I shouldn't think that about my sister. I told them they don't even know the half of it. They were "appalled" by that.
But I don't want to be called a dumb f#$k or told I'm ugly, to have her laugh at me when I do badly at math (I have dyscalculia), to have her make fun of me because I was upset my boss was hospitalized and he was pretty sick for a while. She's mean to a lot of people to the point I don't even bring my friends around the house or her ever. But like I said it's worse with me and it's all the time.
The other side of things is my sister cannot be left unsupervised for long. She goes into her own world and will not eat or use the bathroom when needed. There were times she had extra tests done to see if anything else was going on. But nope. She also needed to be hospitalized before to help her with issues that came up as a result of her not using the bathroom and/or eating.
My sister will shut down regularly and it has put her in some dangerous situations. She will always need more help and won't ever be capable of living entirely on her own. My parents' plan was always for me to take care of my sister when they are no longer able or when they're gone. I didn't mind before. But now? No. I'm not doing it. I do not have the patience to love her through all her sh#$ty behavior.
It was always there but it gets worse the older she gets and I would not be a good fit. I could not just take it and I don't want to. I don't want to take care of her. I wish I didn't have to see her every day as it is. A week ago today my parents were telling me I needed to learn to be more patient and understanding with my sister because I would take care of her one day.
I told them they need to start saving for her future care because I won't do it anymore. I told them I will not deal with that every day for the rest of my life. I told them I want a family one day and I would not expose my kids to her. They were angry and told me she's my sister and I need to do better.
The past week has been strained with them telling me I'm treating her worse right now than she ever has. AITA?
"My parents plan was always for me to take care of my sister when they are no longer able or when they're gone. . . . A week ago today my parents were telling me I needed to learn to be more patient and understanding with my sister because I would take care of her one day and I told them they need to start saving for her future care because I won't do it anymore."
"I told them I will not deal with that every day for the rest of my life. I told them I want a family one day and I would not exposed my kids to her. They were angry and told me she's my sister and I need to do better. The past week has been strained with them telling me I'm treating her worse right now than she ever has."
The main thing to understand is that they are scared. Terrified, in fact, of what will happen to her once they aren't there. They have no idea what to do and that is why they took the easy way out of deciding that they'd simply sacrifice the rest of your life. It's a tough situation, but ultimately they are the ones who brought her into the world, not you. They need to come up with an actual plan for long-term care, etc.
NTA. I hate these sibling 'keeper' stories. You are still a child. Why is it your responsibility to take ab*se, but they won't comfort you, the abused? I'm aware that autism has effects on people differently, but honestly, at some point, they should've already been setting money aside for an at-home caretaker. They're being super selfish, while trying to rob you of your own life.
What if at some point in the future, you have your own family, still have to take care of her and she starts being verbally ab*sive to your kids? Are they just supposed to suck it up because auntie is just having a bad day?
NTA. Absolutely not. Your parents are major AHs thinking they can dump that responsibility on you and just expect you to suck it up and deal with that kind of verbal ab*se for the rest of your life. Why do they think YOUR needs don't matter? That's insane.
NTA. You have your own life to live. Your sister is THEIR responsibility, not yours. Get your exit ready- get good grades, sign up for as many scholarships as you can, and go to university somewhere very far away. Do not come back for breaks or holidays.
Work if you are able to save up enough money to move at 18. Get notarized copies of all your important papers (birth certificate, ss card, passport) and store them somewhere save from your family but accessible to you. You got this! Good luck!
NTA. You’re not the long term solution to your sister’s care. Your parents need to figure out what’s best for your sister that doesn’t have a negative impact on you - and most importantly, while they can ask you to take care of your sister, they can’t demand you do it.
OP is NTA here, her parents are putting an unreasonable expectation on her.