Teen gets upset at friend for reporting her mom to CPS after coming over to her house.
It's expensive to raise kids, and having the money and space to give everyone their own room is often impossible. However, that doesn't reflect how loving someone is as a parent, despite the fact that more resources can make for an easier life.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teen asked if she was wrong for getting angry at her friend who reported her family to CPS for not having enough beds. She wrote:
"AITA for shouting at my friend when she was trying to help me?"
I'm 16 (F) and the second of 7, 4 girls, 3 boys. Our sleeping situation isn't ideal at the moment because we live in a two-bedroom apartment. The girls share one room, and the boys share the other and our mom sleeps in the main area with the baby. I currently share a bed with my 6 yo sister, because my 4yo sister is a bed wetter. Myself and my mom are saving for a set of bunk beds but it's a while off yet.
Recently, one of my friends' parents weren't able to collect her after school, and since my place was the closest to school she came over. We went into my room, where my sisters were playing and she noticed the two beds and asked where I sleep and so I told her I sleep with my sister, and when she asked why I told her.
Well, anyways, she went home and told her parents who reported my mom to child services, who paid us a visit. They said each child needs a bed of their own and they'll be coming back twice a month for checks and stuff until we do. Me and my mom are now really stressed and I've been missing school to take extra shifts so the school phoned family services again which just made things worse.
I ended up going into school and getting into an argument with my friend, where I told her she had no right to tell her parents and get me into this mess and that she was a c*nt who needs to learn when to keep her mouth shut. She told me she was just trying to help me and I said she should have helped by not saying anything. She got really upset at me, told our other friends who now all think I'm an AH. AITA?
Calling my mom s#$t or bashing me because of my mother's decisions is really upsetting to me and I'd appreciate if you guys didn't, please.
People had a lot to say about this situation.
okIhaveANopinionHERE wrote:
NAH - I understand that from your point of view, your friend was trying to help, but you don't see her as helpful. HOWEVER, OP, I'm worried for you. Not because of sharing a bed with your sister, but because a family of seven is shoved into a two-bedroom apartment, and your family is dependent on the earnings of a 16-year-old.
I need to stress this to you: your living situation does not sound normal. That is why your friend told her parents and that is why they called CPS. If you are willing to share it, I would like to hear how your family got to this point.
Suspicious_Lemon9960 wrote:
NAH. Why is your mom continuing to have kids when she clearly can't care for the ones she already has? Like if she was a single mother of one or two kids and struggling -okay. But this lady is at 7 kids and still going (considering one's a baby). It's highly selfish for someone to continue having kids when they can't actually take care of them
Your friend did nothing wrong - that is definitely not a healthy environment for that many kids. If you can't afford enough beds, are you all being fed as much as you should? Have clothes that you need? etc
You are also entitled to feel upset about this because of course you love your mother even if she isn't taking care of y'all the way that is required.
EDIT: This is coming from someone with parents who have lost their kids to CPS for very valid reasons.
Dry_Investigator7741 wrote:
NAH you're understandably upset and stressed out but your friend didn't contact CPS. Her parents did. She has every right to confide her feelings, concerns, and thoughts to her parents. You don't really get to tell her that she can't.
KittikatB wrote:
YTA for the way you spoke to your friend. While it may not feel like it, she was doing the right thing and didn't deserve a tirade from you. You should apologise to her. Otherwise, you're NTA. However, the bigger issue is your mother. I don't know what her situation is, but she's not providing you and your siblings with the basic necessities.
That is a serious problem, and children's services do need to be involved. They will be able to connect your mother with resources to help her adequately provide for you and your siblings so you're not being forced to miss school to fill in the gaps. Where is your father (and your siblings' fathers if you don't all have the same dad) in all this?
asimpledruidgirl wrote:
NTA, but neither is your friend. All they did was talk to their parents. Personally, as long as everyone is clean, fed, and doesn't mind sharing space, I don't really see why sharing a bed would be an issue. Growing up, I knew siblings who shared a bed not because they couldn't afford a second bed, but because they just genuinely enjoyed sharing that space together.
Honestly, your friend's parents are kind TA for going straight to calling CPS on your mom without even so much as a conversation. All that to say, I am giving your mom the benefit of the doubt and I'm ASSUMING there's nothing else that would warrant a CPS call (not enough food, poor hygiene, etc.)
As far as the bunk beds go, you may try contacting local charity groups to see if they can help procure some donated furniture for you. Try contacting some churches, as well, as they often have a benevolence fund they'll keep available to help people in need in their communities.
Granted, most churches have seen an increase in requests due to the pandemic and rising housing costs, but it may be worth it to make a few calls.
This is a hard one, and it seems the consensus is people understand both where OP and her friend are coming from.