'AITA for telling my cousin, 'At least I have a dad who loves me'?'
"AITA for telling my cousin, 'At least I have a dad who loves me'?"
I (16f) was a surprise. My dad (60m) absolutely never had the desire to be a father and even had a secret vasectomy when he was 21 after a pregnancy scare with his then girlfriend.
He kept it a secret when he got it because he knew his family would never let him hear the end of it and he was later proven right when a woman he stopped seeing told his family as revenge.
They considered my dad as someone who didn't value family and started inviting him to gatherings less and less and wouldn't let him near his nieces and nephews 'he hated children so much.'
For almost twenty years my dad [lost contact] with his family and only started re-establishing contact when I was born. My dad was completely surprised when my mom (50f) discovered she was pregnant and thought that I wasn't his since they were just dating and not actually serious.
There was a DNA test and I was definitely his. Growing up my parents always told me that while I wasn't planned I was always loved and I have no doubt in my mind that my father loves me.
Now that my dad is getting older the possible reality of him not being able to be around for my adult life is setting in and making the occasional morbid joke is how he copes.
One day while him and I were with his family a random joke about doing a séance to summon his ghost to walk me down the aisle was made and while we all laughed my cousin 'Vicky' (20f) decided that that would be her thing and would constantly make jabs at how old my dad was and all the things he wouldn't be there for either physically or mentally, because of his family's history of memory loss.
Now my dad and I can take the random joke here and there but Vicky always makes a mention of it in every interaction like she's getting paid for it and it's getting really annoying. She's even doing it in a way that makes it seem like it's DEFINITELY going to happen instead of it just being a possibility which I know is starting to get to my dad.
She makes and posts memes in the family group chat, shares articles about the increase of diseases and physical problems men get as they age, and how when/if I have kids I'll be forced to change his diapers too.
It was really pissing me off. I confronted Vicky about this once but I was brushed off saying that it was just a joke and reminded me how I laughed at the seance joke that started it all. One day Vicky made a joke about how much of a burden my dad will be in my 20s and I snapped.
I told my cousin that while my dad may not be around for my adult milestones at least I'll know that he died loving me unlike her who's dad is alive and well and wants nothing to do with her. Vicky immediately cried and told everyone in the family what I said. They feel what I said was intentionally hurtful while Vicky was making a joke. AITA?
Responses to Questions:
1. I don't know all the details but from what I've gathered over the years, Vicky is an affair baby and when Vicky's dad was given an ultimatum, he chose his wife and signed away his rights and they (Vicky's dad and his wife) moved away.
2. I have told the rest of the family my side but they still think I'm in the wrong because Vicky was just trying to be funny while I was trying to be hurtful.
3. Right now my dad is in good health and is trying to keep it that way so he can live a long time but he still worries about the future because of the family health history.
4. As far as I know I'm the only one who told Vicky to knock it off with the 'jokes.'
More comments:
cwbakes A**hole Enthusiast
NTA and don’t let her comments get to you. My dad was 46 when I was born and I had the joy of him in my life until I was 35. Go make memories with your dad for a long time to come!
Thank you!
Ask them to explain what's funny about her jokes? What's funny about your fathers death? About him losing his memory? Hearing it over and over and over again? Ask them what part was the joke? What part is funny? Cause you're not laughing. Your dad's not laughing. Are they laughing? Do they think it's funny>?
I will seriously consider that option however I don't think it will work because I did laugh at the séance joke so they'll probably think I won't have a right to complain now.