Woman tells twin that if she wasn't such a 'pick me girl' she'd date nicer men.
My (20F) sister Kim and I are identical twins. We were very different growing up and still are. I hate to say this but Kim is the definition of a 'pick me' girl, always spewing misogynistic nonsense on how women are weak and should abide to men.
How she’s so short and petite so she can’t do anything on her own without a big strong man around. How all the girls are trying too hard by wearing makeup while she is pretty naturally so they all hate her for it. You get the gist.
Kim and I attend the same college but study there in different departments. In one of my classes there is this guy named Dave, Dave is your typical handsome frat boy that most girls in our college have a crush on including Kim.
Over the summer I’ve started working in a small coffee shop near campus to earn some extra cash. During that time Dave became a frequent customer there and was pretty friendly toward me since he recognized me from class.
After a while he admitted that he’s attracted to me and asked me out so we can get to know each other. Knowing that Kim liked him I decided to reject Dave and instead offered to set him up with her, we are identical so if he asked me out based on attraction it really shouldn’t matter. Dave agreed and I gave him my sisters number.
I knew they met up for a date during the weekend, but didn’t have the time to ask Kim how it went since I was sick. Today during my shift Dave approached me and asked if I could return to Kim the lipgloss she left in his car, since he knew the brand was expensive. I asked him why he didn’t return it to her himself and he said that he didn’t want to see her after how the date went.
I was confused and so I asked him if the date was really that bad. He explained that they went to a nice restaurant where my sister didn’t stop harassing and criticizing the waitress for wearing too much makeup and looking “easy”.
After that fiasco was over she proceeded to say some stuff that I can only imagine are usually said in an Andrew Tate podcast. Dave who was apparently raised by a single mother and has 5 sisters was horrified, so he excused himself to the bathroom, paid for their meal, Venmod Kim some cash for an Uber and left her at the restaurant alone.
I was embarrassed for Kim, but totally understood why Dave walked out on her so I apologized on her behalf and took the lipgloss with me. I returned it to her 2 hours ago and she didn’t stop complaining on how awful Dave was, how he wasn’t a real man.
At some point I just cut her off and told her that she had a chance of a nice date with a guy she liked but ruined it all because she couldn’t stop being a misogynistic pick me even for one second.
I’m now back at my apartment and Kim hasn’t stopped texting me demanding I apologize but I don’t feel like it. AITA?
Q&A:
IanDOsmond asks:
Explain to me why you should even give a half a gnat's fart about hurting Kim in this situation?
throwaway6103911 OP responded:
Because she’s my sister?
nowandlater asks:
Please, tell me more about us 'frat boys'. I'd love to hear what you think you know about me
throwaway6103911 OP responded:
I mean.. I don’t know anything about you, you’re a stranger from the internet so I have no idea why you took anything I said personally.
But I had some pretty bad experiences with frat boys and frat parties my freshman year of college, so I guess I just developed a bias towards some frat boys which caused me to be more cautious of them.
And while I do regret judging Dave a bit too quickly (something I’ll make sure to apologize for next time I see him) I don’t completely regret my developed caution since it saved my ass many many times.
snarkisms says:
NTA but the part of this post that bothers me the most is that you set up a guy who asked you out with your identical twin sister. Do you often give things up to her? Is this a pattern? Because this is so incredibly unhealthy.
throwaway6103911 OP responded:
I don’t usually give up things for her. In this situation in particular I knew that he was her hallway crush for half of the school year and it would’ve hurt her if I went out with him. I on the other hand, found him attractive but didn’t develop any sort of feelings beyond “hey you’re a cool dude”
I also thought that he only asked me out because he liked the way I looked so naturally I thought the best course of action was to set them up, that way everybody will be happy. My sister gets to date the guy she likes, Dave gets to date a girl he’s attracted to. Win win situation.
smacksaphone19 says:
She passed Dave on to her sister because she knew her sister already liked him and didn’t want to hurt her feelings, not because she was judging him for being a “jock” type. She says it in the post.
throwaway6103911 OP responded:
Well I’ll admit it was a bit of both. I explained it better in a different comment but to sum it up I knew Kim liked Dave and Dave looked like the type that’ll like Kim more than he’ll like me. If Kim didn’t have a crush on him I would’ve probably agreed on the date but seeing that she clearly told me that she liked him I thought it was a no-brained setting them up at that time.
Kim is known for liking frat boys and the stereotypical frat boy mentality, so at the time settling them up seemed like a great idea. And like I said, I already admit this was a mistake on my part and will take accountability and apologize for it.
descentbecomesafall says:
I think I'd probably have to do some dramatic hair cut/dye job combo so I couldn't be mistaken for her if it was me. Jeez. NTA.
throwaway6103911 OP responded:
lol I have been dyeing my hair black since high school for that reason (we are both naturally blonde)
FordWarrier says:
NTA. You are two separate people who happen to look alike. That doesn’t mean you think alike. If her misogynistic attitude bothers you, tell her it bothers you and you don’t want to listen to her diatribe’s anymore and you won’t apologize for speaking the truth.
Maybe you should go out with Dave once and show him that identical twins are only identical on the outside.
throwaway6103911 OP responded:
I’ve had multiple conversations with her about it and she doesn’t usually bring up the topic when she’s around me. She generally doesn’t act like that 24/7 but whenever there is a guy around she just goes into overdrive.
I guess this type of behavior worked for her in the past and since Dave looks like your typical frat boy she thought he’d like it too.
As for going out with Dave, he did ask me to reconsider his offer but told me that if I’ll reject him again he won’t push for something I don’t want. I don’t know whether I should accept it or not, he seems like an amazing guy but I know it’ll hurt Kim.