Uncle snaps at 10-year-old 'problem' nephew; says 'you drive the family crazy.'

Dealing with an unruly child can be the ultimate test of patience.

On one hand, they're a child, and they quite literally don't have the same impulse control as adults because of their developmental stage.

However, that doesn't mean a child can't push every single button in the book until an adult reaches the brink of their own sanity. Snapping at a child in a cruel way isn't the way to go, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, an uncle asked if he's wrong for telling his nephew that none of the family likes him.

He wrote:

AITA for telling my nephew the truth, that no one in the family likes him?

This involves me (25 M), my sister 'Diana' (31 F), and her son 'Darius' (10 M). I get along with my Diana fine, I won't pretend I like Darius. I think he's an entitled brat who has gotten away with crap far too many times.

I don't think Diana ever reprimanded him, and every time the little shit acts up Diana makes excuses. He's already been suspended from school for stealing, he's a bully to all his cousins, and I know for a fact no one in my family likes him at all.

Both of my parents cannot stand him. My mother, a woman who could find the love in her heart to babysit a honey badger, refuses to watch Darius at all because of his behavior.

My father will take all of the grandkids out to fish every few months, except for Darius because he's too tempted to throw him out into the lake and drive off (his words not mine.)

On Monday, I got a call from my sister who panicked because she got called into work. Darius was out of school and her babysitter was not available. No one else in the family will watch Darius so I told her to drop him off and I would watch him.

It was a nightmare. Darius was mad he had to spend his day off at my place. He refused to do anything I offered, made a mess in my bathroom, harassed my dog, and had a tantrum because I would not let him use my work computer to play games.

By lunchtime, I was frustrated beyond all belief. I made him mac and cheese and he demanded I take him to Wendy's. He refused to eat and eventually dumped his bowl of food on my floor. At that, I just kinda lost it.

I didn't yell or get aggressive at all. I just sighed and asked him if he realized that everyone in the family literally despised him.

I explained that he was at my house because grandma and grandpa cannot stand him, and in fact refuse to let him come to their house because he acts like a little sh*t. I won't lie, I got pretty brutal.

He started crying and locked himself in my bathroom until he came out and sat and watched tv till my sister came and got him. I told her what happened and I and her got into a massive argument as well.

She called me cruel and I told her that she's to blame and he would have learned eventually. My family is split on this. My dad thinks 'the little sh*t deserved it' while my siblings have mixed opinions.

My mother has told me she's staying out of this but if I feel the need to apologize do it and move on. What do you people think?

Commenters kept it 100 with OP.

Left-Car6520 wrote:

He's 10. He's been raised badly. He didn't just wake up one day and decide 'You know what, I'm gonna be a total AH to everyone'. This is your sister's failure, and as much he is a total little sh*t, it's not entirely his fault.

Because he's 10 and he's never been taught better. Did he need a serious talking to? Yes. Was your way the right way to do it? Not really. It's better to talk about behaviour and outcomes than make it about the kid.

Instead of telling him that his actions caused people in the family to not want to be around him (which I would applaud), you told him that his grandparents loathe him, himself. It's not very effective, because it doesn't give him anything to change.

Behaviours can be changed, but if you tell a kid that everyone hates them, that's them as a whole, not something they can change. It's not like telling an AH adult that everyone dislikes them cos they're an AH.

An adult can figure out what that means and deal with it. But a kid? Their family is their whole world and all the people they rely on, and you told him that basically everyone in his world loathes his very being.

That's what makes it cruel. I really don't want to call you an AH, cos I'm not sure I would have lasted even til lunchtime with that little sh*t! But it wasn't the right way. A regretful ESH.

MommyLovesPot8toes wrote:

NTA. You did him a huge favor. Obviously, nothing anyone has said or done so far has made any impact.

He NEEDS to know that his behavior is already costing him relationships and will continue to cost him relationships until he chooses to not act this way. Sometimes the truth is hard to hear, but when the truth is all that's left.

That's what you've got to do. Sugar coating it would not have gotten the point across and avoiding it sure wasn't, either. The pain and rejection be feels will - hopefully - be a huge wake up call. If it's not, he's going to have a very lonely life. I hope you've saved him from that.

Intrepid-Try6103 wrote:

NTA- Do you know how many grown AH the world would NOT have if someone like OP had just told them straight. The truth hurts, hopefully his eyes were opened, and he changes his behavior.

pawneesunfish wrote:

ESH. Sister and Darius for obvious reasons. But Darius is growing and has ample opportunity to learn and grow and change as long as someone is willing to invest in him.

Telling him everyone despises him is absolutely the wrong way to handle his behavior. You owe him an apology.

peggingpinhead wrote:

YTA. I get that the kid is impossible to cope with, I do. But you are the adult. He is the child. You can't say stuff like that.

Here is what you think you were communicating to him: 'Quit acting like a sh*thead. You are alienating your family with your bad behavior.'

Here is what he heard: 'You are a terrible person and everyone hates you. You are unlovable.'

minda_spK wrote:

YTA. Apologize to Darius, not mom. If it were me that apology would sound like: “I want to apologize that I got upset and said some things I didn’t mean. I don’t despise you. I don’t even know you.'

'Neither does the rest of the family because all anyone can see is you being mad, throwing tantrums, throwing food (etc).'

'I would like to get to know the real you better and would probably even like spending time with you if we can both stay calm and respectful. Things in my house might be different than home.'

The rules here are (insert). If you can agree to those we should try again.”nEvery horribly raised kid that becomes a decent adult has that one adult that sees through it. Be that person.

After receiving some feedback, OP jumped on with an update.

Edit: Ok, the early consensus is I'm an a**hole. That's fine. A little info. We've talked to Diana about this before. My parents sat her down and told her they will not watch Darius because of how he behaved and that she needs to do something else.

We've all had talks with her about him bullying his cousins. She has done nothing.

Hopefully, OP and Darius are able to have a more constructive conversation, or Darius grows out of his behavior at some point.