Uncle snaps at niece for taking banana; says he'll call the cops; family leaves BBQ.

Navigating unhinged extended family members can be an impossible task, even when you're mentally prepared for what lies ahead. There are some people that simply cannot hang in any capacity, and cutting them off creates even more drama.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for causing a mass exodus from her uncle's BBQ after he snapped at her daughter. She wrote:

"AITA for causing a mass exodus from my uncle's BBQ?"

My (F32) uncle (M71) and his wife (F69) recently hosted a family BBQ at their home. This is normally a rotating thing so everyone in the family takes turns hosting. My uncle is a very...difficult man to get along with, and I mostly went because it is important to my mom (F66).

He is very rigid in his beliefs and will make it very clear to you if you have done something to offend him. Once that has happened, there is no chance for redemption regardless of whether you are family, friends, or a stranger. While at the BBQ, everyone was standing around and my daughter (F6) helped herself to a banana from the fruit bowl.

Now obviously, you shouldn't take anything that doesn't belong to you without asking, but she is six and manners are still being learned. Not saying she was right in this. That being said, my uncle lost his mind. He called her a thieving brat and started thr*@tening to call the cops. I stepped in and he told me to pack up my stuff and go because he didn't want th#$ves in his home.

He told me that neither myself, my daughter, or my husband (M33) would ever be welcome again because clearly this was a taught behaviour. I was furious. I told my uncle that this intolerance was why he has no friends, and why we only visit his home out of obligation. I told him that without my mom's family values, there wouldn't be anyone at the BBQ.

In the middle of this, he pulled out his phone to call "Mr Police" and ask how a little girl would survive in prison. My daughter was beside herself, so I gathered her and my husband, and we left.

Apparently, after we left, my uncle was ranting and raving, and eventually my cousin (F24) - not his child - told my uncle that he was lucky he didn't try with someone else in the family because I was still polite in what I said. She told him that she refused to eat at the home of someone who thought it is okay to b*lly a child.

As my cousin left, apparently quite a few people followed, and suddenly it was just my uncle and his wife left. His wife has been calling me telling me that I humiliated him in his own home and I can't expect his generation to be PC. She has also told me that he has been moping ever since because he feels like an outcast in the family, and that I shouldn't have been so harsh.

I am glad I stood up for my daughter, but I never intended for everyone to leave as a result of the banana. Now I wonder if I was too much? Was I the AH?

The internet was thoroughly invested in OP's family chaos.

Active_Collar_8124 wrote:

NTA. His behavior is beyond absurd. Obviously, b*llying and thre@tening a child is awful, and you were right not to tolerate it. Your kid did nothing wrong. Anyone would assume that food set out at a family barbecue is there for guests to eat. I'd never expect anyone to ask me for food I'd put out.

Your uncle is obviously pissed that you called out his s@#$ty behavior, and everyone agrees with you. He's likely unaware that he's actually sad, because men of older generations were taught only to express anger.

stroppo wrote:

NTA. I don't see how "being PC" has anything to do with this. He blew up at your kid for a minor infraction. Heck, he was the one that told you that you, your husband, and kid were no longer welcome! The fact that all those people left proves that they all felt as you had, but did not have the nerve to speak up before. And they all confirmed you were not too harsh!

Sounds like you're free from having to visit him again at least. If others want to make peace with him that's their business. But you have nothing to apologize for. Expecting your family to treat you with decency and respect is not "being PC." The fact is, the uncle sounds like a big b*lly. If he doesn't want to accept the consequences of being a b*lly, that's his problem.

hellonala wrote:

NTA. Accusing a six-year-old of being a thief for having a banana at a relative's house is pure absurdity. I’m sorry your daughter had this experience, that is not okay. I would cut all contact with them personally.

Heloise_Morris wrote:

NTA. Your daughter ate a banana at a family BBQ. Now when I host a picnic, I do not expect my guests to ask permission to eat the food. As a matter of fact, I'd be mortified if they did. I have no idea what's wrong with you uncle but he's going to die a lonely old man unless he gets his head out of his rear end.

You did not cause a mass exodus from the BBQ, your inhospitable, hostile uncle did that all by himself. Kudos for you for remaining gracious and polite despite his venomous attack on your child. And shame on your aunt for trying to normalize his nastiness.

hierofantissa wrote:

NTA, it was perfectly normal for yr daughter to take the banana. She did not demonstrate any lack of manners at all. You guys the invitees have to ask permission every time you grab a chip from a bowl? Sounds like a very weird BBQ. You said what all your family has been biting their tongues not to say forever. You are the HERO. & uncle reached the FAFO part of his life. Let the mofo mope.

OP is for sure NTA, it sounds like her uncle needed the serious wake-up call if he wants anyone to stay in his life.