I (27F) and my husband (31M) are both vegan, and have been since before we met, this is a big part of our lives and identity. My in-laws have a tradition of taking it in turn to host Christmas, and this year, our first year married, it will be our year. Every year the family gets a large turkey and other meat / dairy products.
About a week ago my SIL asked me if I had brought a turkey yet, I explained no, instead I had some Quorn substitutes. She acted sort of uncomfortable and a few days ago her and my MIL confronted me and said that it was fine for me not to eat meat but if I was going to host I needed to at least let her buy and prepare the turkey to bring, I said no.
My husband spoke to me and said that it was very important to him and his family to have a 'real' turkey, I said it is my house and I can decide what I do and do not want in it. My husband and me argued and he said that it is his house to and he is allowed to let his family stay and enjoy Christmas dinner.
I told him that no one is coming in to the house with anything unless we both agreed, he called me selfish and I refused to let us host. As of now SIL is going to host and while my husband is going I am choosing not to do so, he is saying I am being selfish and forcing my beliefs onto his family. AITA?
Here's how people judged OP:
YTA Not for not wanting meat in your home. I get it. This is very important to you. However, you should have declined hosting Christmas on the grounds of your vegan beliefs. Instead, you decided you were going to just use subsitutes for meat and cheese without telling anyone.
THAT...is not something you can do when you are part of a blended family. It's immature and selfish...and now you will be spending Christmas alone because of it and have possibly alienated your husband's entire side of the family Are your beliefs on veganism really worth all of this?
Would have not been simpler to just explain to the family 'hey I don't want meat in our home, so we are pulling ourselves out of the running for hosting, but we will happily pick up some slack on sides and decorations and cleaning since we won't be hosting. Is that ok?'
Also...if you want people to be respectful of your beliefs, you have to be respectful of theirs. And I get that it is hard to do that when you make your veganism a part of your identity, but situations like this are going to continue to happen as long as you put your beliefs and your identity before that of other people
Christ on a cracker, OP:s actions are textbook 'this is why people hate vegans'. How can she not see that herself?
I actually love a lot of the Quorn products lol but I completely agree with you. Christmas dinners are just not worth having battles over when you know what the long held established standards have been.
OP, YTA here for all these reasons. MIL offered to pay and prepare for the turkey. I can (kinda) understand not wanting it in your home, but this is extreme.
You knew your guests wouldn’t be happy if they showed up to only vegan options, but you planned to bombard them. Now you you’re trying to pick a fight with your husband and make him choose between you and his parents and siblings? This doesn’t end well for you.