'AITA for not letting my broke SIL wear my wedding dress? My MIL called me selfish.'

"AITA for not letting my SIL wear my wedding dress?"

My (28F) husband (30M) have been married for almost six years now. At the time of our engagement, neither of us had much money, so there was no way I could have afforded the wedding dress that I wanted to wear. Thankfully for me, my mother is something of a seamstress, and offered to help me make my dream dress.

We spent over a year finding the pattern, picking the fabrics, and making my beautiful wedding dress completely from scratch. It’s the first big project I’ve ever sewn, so I’m quite proud of it. Making it also brought me much closer to my mother, as the whole project was sort of a bonding experience.

It also holds a lot of additional sentimental value as my dad passed away while we were making it, so I sewed a heart shaped cutout of one of his shirts into the lining of the dress in order to keep him with me on my big day. This dress not only brought me closer to my husband, but my family too. It means so much to me.

My SIL (F23) just got engaged recently, and is in a similar situation with her wedding. She just got out of college and started work as a teacher. Between her loans and a relatively low salary, she doesn’t have very much money to pay for her wedding. Dress shopping has been a bit stressful for her, as all the dresses that fit her taste are just so far out of her budget.

This all leads up to Tuesday morning, when she called up my husband and asked if I would be willing to let her borrow my dress. She mentioned that it could be her “something borrowed.”

My husband says that he would have to ask me first, because it wasn’t his to loan out. His sister told him that it wouldn’t be a problem and I’d barely miss it as it was just sitting in a box anyway. He still said he would have to ask me and forgot about it.

He finished his work day and picked me up from my job and we came home to his little sister trying on my wedding dress and his mom clipping it in the back to fit her better. Seeing somebody else in my dress totally blindsided me. I was stunned and asked what they were doing, and my MIL said that they were planning alterations since SIL is significantly smaller than me.

I told them that there is no way I would be loaning my dress out to anyone. It not only represents my love to my husband, but the bond with some of my family as well. This escalated into an argument that ended in my MIL calling me a selfish b$#@h and leaving with SIL.

My husband thankfully grabbed the dress during the argument so they didn’t grab it when they left. I was really upset, but thought about it after I had some time to call down. I don’t have any uses for my dress, and I do love my SIL. I feel as if I maybe overreacted and shut them down too quickly. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say:

From Otherwise_Window:

NTA. What the f**k. I might see their point of view in asking if you and she were the exact same size, but expecting to make alterations? Hell no. You might want to make arrangements for that to be secured until after the wedding.

Edit: I just checked with my wife (who does this professionally). Alterations to a wedding dress would have to be permanent. You could not make temporary alterations for someone significantly and have it fit right for them.

From MaddyKet:

They aren’t just borrowing it and giving it back as is, they want to alter it. It has sentimental value. NTA and if they hadn’t been such jerks and you were so inclined, maybe you guys could have a bonding moment sewing her dress. But f them. Also, do they have keys? Get those back! Bring that dress to your mom’s or a friend’s bc clearly those two have ZERO boundaries.

From LetThemEatHay:

NTA. The amount of entitlement in them is on another level.

Also, WHY DO THEY HAVE KEYS TO YOUR HOME?!

From [deleted]:

NTA AT ALL!!!! "we came home to his little sister trying on my wedding dress and his mom clipping it in the back to fit her better. Seeing somebody else in my dress totally blindsided me. I was stunned and asked what they were doing, and my MIL said that they were planning alterations." The total entitlement here is astounding. I am PISSED and it is not even my dress.

Look, I am sorry that your SIL is in a bad way financially. However, her doing this, after asking your HUSBAND instead of YOU about borrowing the dress and then being so dismissive with " it wouldn’t be a problem and I’d barely miss it as it was just sitting in a box anyway" forfeited ANY good will to loan the dress. I swear, if you let her borrow this, after I die, I will HAUNT you!

From naranghim:

NTA. They clearly didn't respect you enough to wait for your husband to ask you. You need to hide the dress and change your locks since your MIL obviously has a key to get in and even if you ask for it back, she could make a copy before returning the key and the dress could disappear next time you and your husband are out.

Also due to your SIL being smaller than you it is possible that the heart shaped cut-out of one of your dad's shirts could be removed and thrown out. Your SIL doesn't care about you, or your relationship with your family.

She doesn't respect you and basically admitted it when she told your husband he shouldn't ask you because "It won't be a problem." She won't treat your dress with the respect it deserves and if that section of lining has to be cut out, she won't tell you

From GuacwardSilence:

You are so far from TA it isn’t even funny. Your husband told your SIL to wait until he spoke to you and instead she completely disrespected that, showed up to your house with her mother, and was ready to walk out with YOUR dress and alter it.

Your SIL and MIL are being entitled, selfish jerks. It’s YOUR dress and it’s very very special to you. If she’s tight on money, she can go to a consignment shop or buy a sample dress.​​​​​​

CASE CLOSED.