Widow asks if he's wrong to skip sister's Christmas because her friend wants to date.
'AITA for telling my sister I will no longer be spending time at her house while her friend is around?'
I (48m) lost my wife 20 years ago to sudden health issues after the birth of our fifth child. I have chosen not to date or seek another romantic partner, and that is something I have been vocal about with family and friends. I do not want to date and please do not attempt to set me up.
Almost a year ago my sister's best friend lost her husband. Within 7 months she was reaching out to me to talk and almost right away told me she wanted us to be together. She said we would understand each other and her kids needed a dad and she would be a good mom to my now adult children.
I told her that I was not interested in a romantic relationship and if she wanted that, she needed to find someone else.
She has not backed off. She has attempted to introduce me to her children and she has asked to meet my children. One day she showed up at my house when my youngest was home and she was trying to convince him we had something going on between us. She made both my son and I very uncomfortable.
Two months ago I purchased a smaller house for myself which I call my grandpa house because I am about to be a grandpa and can have my grandchildren over, but it's less daunting when I'm alone. She wanted to know why I was making big life changes and downsizing when her kids are still young.
My sister is aware of what is going on. I have told her. I have asked her to help me get her friend to stop. She thinks the idea is a good one and encouraged me to give her friend a chance because 'two widows together makes sense'. So she has been no help.
She was supposed to host a big family Christmas this year and she's also someone who throws regular dinner parties. Her friend is always there now and so I told my sister I would no longer be attending these gatherings while her friend is invited. My sister told me I was being unfair expecting her to not include her friend.
I told her she is welcome to include her but she makes me uncomfortable so I am deciding not to include myself. She also believes I am being cruel to her friend who knows I always attend and now she sees me not and that Christmas will be the biggest insult. AITA?
From the comments:
topps_chrome asks (as did a bunch of other people):
Have you slept with this woman? I only ask because you said you told her you wanted nothing romantic with her.
JulesDaddo OP responded:
No, I have not slept with her/kissed her, anything.
JasmineVK writes:
NTA - This woman is harassing you and has some serious issues. If the roles were reversed, you’d be considered a creep. Even though it’s been 20 years, I’m still sorry for your loss.
JulesDaddo OP responded:
Thank you. I still miss her very much. I wish our children still had her and I wish I did too. But she won't be forgotten. ❤
mackenzie9462 writes:
Absolutely NTA. In fact, you may want to consider limiting contact with your sister because she’s not only allowing this delusional behavior but it sounds like she’s actually encouraging it.
Friend honestly sounds like a ticking time bomb, make sure you have a good security system or a camera or two at the very least and nobody in the family has any spare keys that sister could make copies of and/or loan to friend.
JulesDaddo OP responded:
I have an excellent security system installed. I didn't think of it in terms of her but given her relentlessness perhaps it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on what goes on when I'm not home a little more.
InevitableAnywhere30 writes:
I immediately wanted to recommend OP get a restraining order against this woman. She's absolutely awful. And his sister isn't any better.
Life_Is_Good199 writes:
NTA I say this with all seriousness please consider getting a restraining order. This woman is grief stricken and absolutely nuts. She's already shown up at your house and she seems to have a very unhealthy obsession with you. Stay vigilant. If she shows up at your house again call the police.
Just-Spirit8426 writes:
First - sorry for your loss. People don't understand that even if 5, 10, 15, 20, or a lifetime pass, some people are still very much in love with their partners and don't want to seek other relationships. Second - you are not the AH!