'AITA for leaving MIL's funeral after my husband lied to me?'
So, my MIL passed away 2 weeks ago. She lived hours away in her hometown, and we had to drive 6 hours to get there, and attend the funeral later. At first I didn't want to go, and the reason is because my BIL 'Michael.' He's my husband's half brother (MIL isn't his mom) Michael and I have had some issues in the past that I will not elaborate on.
I went LC with him then full on NC. I asked my husband if Michael was going to be there and he said it was a no brainer since he and MIL had a close relationship. I didn't want to go and my husband argued about it for hours, then came home later and said that Michael would not be there due to travel issues (he lives in another state).
I decided to go to with my husband, but later on I was shocked to see Michael walk up to us with his wife and daughter. I froze and looked at my husband because he had lied about him not coming. I did not confront him because they embraced each other and started crying.
His wife was watching as I turned around and walked away. I went to a hotel and stayed there. My husband called right after the funeral and was lashing out calling me ridiculous and unbearable for pulling this stunt and for walking out of the funeral and leaving him there alone.
I said he lied to me about Michael's presence at the funeral and he wasn't alone, apparently he had his family with him. He got loud saying that I was insane to expect his half brother to miss the funeral of his stepmother and told me to get a clue.
I felt so unset I started crying when he said that I was useless. I packed and went home, but he further argued that I showed no empathy or support by not only walking out the funeral but also going home as well.
We argued when he came home and I explained again how he lied to me, but he kept saying that it was illogical to expect Michael to not show up. He told me that I was a stuck up and need to get over myself.
AITA for leaving after I felt uncomfortable by Michael's presence?
It doesn't matter what Michael did and what issues we had, I put a boundary in place and saw that it was disrespected. A lot of family were calling me harsh for the NC, but that's a boundary I put and it should be respected no matter the reason behind it.
When Michael first saw me, he looked at his wife and she looked at me like she was watching my reaction. There were kids around and I tried yo stay as calm as I could.
I'm gonna go ahead and elaborate on these issues but will remain as vague as possible. The issues we had involved inheritance. FIL's inheritance. Michael and his wife wanted to keep the family home to themselves (since they have kids) and only let my husband have a small piece of land that was worth a lot less.
My husband didn't care, but I got involved and threatened Michael with court on my husband's behalf since it seemed like they were robbing him off and he did nothing to stop it. Michael called me a b&% on numerous occasions and said that my 3 miscarriages were 'karma' after he claimed I was driving a wedge between him and his brother.
Comments:
YTA. Your husbands mother died. Read that again: your husbands mother died
And before you try to justify (they weren’t that close, there was tension, what ever), it doesn’t matter. Because when a parent dies, most people remember the love and not the hate. The funeral was not about you, it was about your husband.
OP edited the reason and it's about inheritance. She got herself involved even though her husband didn't mind. So, I guess we can see a pattern of making everything about herself. YTA
EDIT: after asking for info, I now see that OP updated why she went LC/NC.I don’t think that helped her case….like, AT ALL hahahahaha.
YTA, unequivocally. I’m speechless; even if you didn’t think he was being fair to your husband, it’s not your inheritance to haggle over and you certainly don’t have a right to dictate who attends a funeral, especially when that person was his freaking STEPMOTHER. I’m honestly boggled!! If anyone has a right to ban you from the funeral, it would have been Michael or your husband, not the other way around.
I don’t think your husband should have lied to you, but he probably expected that you would do the mature adult thing which would be to just ignore Michael for the duration of the funeral and just be a source of strength for him, and then not speak to Michael at any wake/events after.
So you had a disagreement with Michael and are NC with him.
Your MIL dies, and you think that it is more important to throw a fit and refuse to attend a funeral than it is to support your husband?
You're not obliged to talk to Michael. You can just be in the same area and completely ignore him...