Wife turns off living room camera for privacy, husband who wants it on 24/7 flips out.

Reddit is famous for suggesting divorce after any AITA dispute, but...

When a woman posted about her situation on the popular forum, that advice seemed more than appropriate.

AITA (Am I the as*hole) for turning off the living room video camera when I'm home alone or I'm hanging with my kids?

u/GamerCzech writes:

About 4 years ago when my husband of 10 + years and I bought our house, we got a security system. Included in the bundle was an indoor-only camera. While I liked the idea of having it monitor for movement when we weren't home/sleeping, my husband wanted it on all the time, even while we were home. This made me somewhat uncomfortable but I came around to the idea.

We'd use it almost like a baby monitor to check on our 3 and 6 year olds when we were in the bathroom and heard crying or whatever. Our 3 year old was non-verbal at the time and sometimes his older brother would craft up some crazy story as to how he got hurt 😅.

We'd occasionally use the camera to figure out what time we put the pizza in the oven if we forgot to start a timer, or to figure out who stole the cookies from the cookie jar.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago. One day I'm chilling at home by myself while the kiddos were at school and I just kinda realized it's weird to have a camera recording me chilling and watching shows. So I turned it off. I've mentioned multiple times that I don't think we need the cameras on, but in retrospect I should have had a convo with him before turning it off. This made my husband upset.

Now if I turn it off, he turns it back on.

We've had multiple conversations about it. I feel like the kids are old enough now that we dont need to monitor them like this anymore. And using a camera to prove/disprove their honestly is not the best parenting.

But he wants the camera on 24/7.... even if we both are right there watching the kids. But I feel like that argument is an uphill battle. So I simply don't want the camera recording me when I'm home alone or when it's just me and our kids.

He claims that me not wanting the camera on is not respecting him as head of the household and he will repeatedly turn it on anytime I turn it off. If he's at home then he notices it's off right away. If he's at work he'll turn it on in a few hours (no, it doesn't notify him that it was turned off). I feel like it's weird and controlling. But I don't have any other good reason for not wanting it on.

I feel like it's weird and controlling. But I don't have any other good reason for not wanting it on.

He wants to still use it to monitor the kids and use to figure out what time something happened. Sometimes he'll use it for things like helping the kids figure out where they put their book when they got home or something. We live in a pretty safe area and have a doorbell camera too, so I don't think home invasion while we're home is his concern (he's not mentioned that as a reason).

His opposition to me turning it off when I'm home alone is that then I don't turn it back on, so there's no footage if we 'need' to look back. AITA (Am I the as*hole)? Should I let this go?

What do you think? Is OP's behavior reasonably suspicious and her husband has a right to be worried? Or is there something seriously wrong with their relationship and her husband?

Reddit ruled a unanimous NTA (not the as*hole) and had a lot of questions.

LoubyAnnoyed says:

NTA. And you should probably be paying more attention to the massive red flag that is “the head of household“. Those are the words of someone that doesn’t value you as an equal partner in your marriage. Not sure what your work situation is, but the non-paid domestic work of women needs to be recognised and regarded equally with the financial contributions made.

RelativeExistence disagrees:

NTA but neither is your husband. You’ve had it for FOUR Years?? and all of a sudden it’s an issue for you? I wouldn’t trust your reasoning either. It makes sense to not want to be watched, but not after being perfectly fine for four years. His reasoning of being head of the household is bogus, but I see why he wouldn’t trust you when this is a sudden decision.

Ornery_Tip_8522 wonders:

He’s the head of the household? In all seriousness, do you have a relationship dynamic where you obey him? The idea of a camera recording you and kids seems invasive. His response was uncalled for. Can he see the live feed from his work? NTA.

And OP GamerCzech replies:

We married young so maybe I was more submissive in the past? Yes, he can watch the feed live from anywhere via his phone. And he can turn the camera on from anywhere via his phone.

No-You5550 asks:

What does your husband think he is going to catch you doing cheating? Is he cheating and thus he suspects you might too? Or is he just a overbearing boss. What ever you got a bigger problem than the camera.

And OP GamerCzech answers:

😂 maybe. I'm literally an open book and have always told him if a stranger hit on me or winked at my at a stop light or something. And I literally go no where except work, church, and occasionally my best friends house (by my own choosing). I do wonder if it's because he already has cheated in the past and thus he feels suspicious for nothing.

Okay... so that^ changes everything.

zortlord responds:

Whoa, whoa, whoa... back that up... you said he cheated in the past? Cheaters have a huge tendency to project cheating on their partners because they're cheating. Like seriously project. How sure are you that he's being faithful right now?

you-dont-say1330 says:

Oh sweetie. I spent 15 years with a man who abused and accused. I couldn't talk to a boy ringing out my groceries without being accused. Guess who was cheating all along? Get some privacy. Talk to a counselor. I beg you. Do you want your children learning this from him?

mittenknittin asks:

He's checking up on you. Why? There's that analysis of how people use the word 'respect.' Some people use it to mean to treat someone as an authority. Other times it's used to mean treat someone like a human being.

And some people will use both and say 'If you don't respect me, I won't respect you' and they mean 'If you don't treat me like an authority, I won't treat you like a human being.' Is this one of those situations?

Wolfpawn writes:

Because of course the only reason that you would want something not to be watching you 24/7 is because you would do the things that he would do without a camera watching. Such is the mind of these people.

Reading her post I knew somewhere it had to do with the need to guarantee that she was not cheating either from her past actions or his. He's a bona fide a bully and abuser with this mindset. She's not allowed have a say in the running of her home that she lives in and that she is a equal partner in.

No_Performance8733 adds:

It’s also helpful when you’re the cheater to know your wife is at home so you know she’s occupied and you won’t get caught...