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Woman argues with DIL on NYE after she calls her mom, DIL says 'your other DIL calls you mom.'

Woman argues with DIL on NYE after she calls her mom, DIL says 'your other DIL calls you mom.'


Nothing says "Happy New Year" quite like some good old family drama.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for kicking out her DIL on NYE after they got in an argument over the title "mom." She wrote:

"AITA for kicking my DIL out on NYE for calling me mom?"

I have two kids, my eldest son and his wife are called Ed and Edna (for this post), and my youngest son and his wife are called Sam and Cat.

Context I have known Edna her whole life. When she was 7 her mom got diagnosed with cancer so I started to help out with raising her.

Her and Ed were best friends so it was easy. When she was 10 her mom passed away so I took over all duties of raising a daughter. She started to date my son in college and they got married later on. I genuinely look at her as my daughter because I basically raised her (her dad drank himself to death when she was 19) with my family.

Like she would spend all the holidays like school breaks and go with us to holidays etc. When they got married they bought the house four houses down and has been living there. Now Cat is very sweet she can cook well and we bond in the kitchen and we get along great. But I really don’t like being called Mom by her I don’t know why but I just don’t.

I don’t like it when people or children call me Aunty or nicknames ect. I don’t mind Edna calling me Mom because I feel like I raised her and earned that title. I have talked to her and my son many times about this. It makes me uncomfortable and she says it shouldn’t. That it is awkward for her to call me by my first name.

This New Years dinner she made it a point to call me mom in every sentence and I was annoyed. I pulled her aside and told her to knock it off and she said it’s not fair that Edna can call me mom but she can’t. I told her that i raised Edna so it makes sense. Edna has no family other than us but you have a huge family with a mom that loves you very much.

She said that she feels like I’m rejecting her from the family and I told her if after all I have done for you and this is the thing that makes you feel isolated then you need help to be grateful. (For context among other things I paid half of her college loans and helped her pay for the house they live in.)

She said that I’m a b#$ch and Edna can be my favorite DIL and it’s creepy that I will babysit pups and not my grandkids, and she and Sam won’t ever come back. I told her to get out and be a brat somewhere else. Sam got involved and dragged Cat away. Cat lives 6 hours away and I can’t drive well and they don’t have a guest bed for me to stay the night. I pay 25% in childcare tho.

Edna and I have spa days once a month a tradition since she was a teen. So when Cat comes we all go for a spa trip and I always pay. Sam sent me text asking me to apologize because it’s such a small thing and that Cat is serious about her threat. I left him on read because I didn’t think I need to apologize. Even my grandchildren call me by my name. They rarely call me grandma and they like calling me by my name.

Actually, Edna doesn’t call me mom often. She does sometimes but she always uses my name because she knows I’m comfortable with it. If Cat called me mom once, I wouldn’t mind. It’s just every single sentence that was directed to me ended or started with mom and I feel so uncomfortable AITA?

People had a lot of things to say in the comment section.

Zealousideal-Law-513 wrote:

ESH. I disagree with the people saying you’re playing favorites.

I think the distinction that Cat and some commentors are missing is this: Edna isn’t being allowed to call you “mom” because she married your son.

She is calling you mom because you were, functionally, her mom. Cat is getting frustrated because she is looking at it like “we are both SILs, so we should both be able to call you this.” Instead of saying "she can call me that because I raised her” a better way to explain things to Cat would be to say “she can call me that because I felt like her mom, even before she was dating my son."

It has nothing to do with them being married and everything to do with her having been my daughter since she was X years old.” Also, people are getting on you about playing favorites, which is also nonsense. Of course, you’re going to have more of a bond with a girl you helped raise. What matters is that you make an effort to have a good relationship with both of them, which you seem to be doing.

So Cat is an AH for not grasping this and respecting your boundaries and for using her kids as threats/leverage. But you’re also an AH for this transaction. The response to “I feel rejected from the family” should not be to talk about money and paying for things and gratitude.

Vodoe wrote:

NTA, everyone who says otherwise is insane. You have an absolute right not to be called mom if it makes you feel uncomfortable. your DIL was looking for a fight by pushing past the boundary to get a rise out of you.

The response to somebody feeling emotionally rejected is to hug them, tell them of course you love them, this is just a thing for you, etc. I hope you do make up with Cat, because Ben is right - you were right to be angry at her in the first instance, you’re going to lose this war, and with it, perhaps your son and grandchildren.

General_Ad_1285 wrote:

JFC what a bunch of needless drama. ESH. You're needlessly up tight about being called mom. Your DIL is obviously passive-aggressive. Just f#$king apologize and move on. Your relationship with your son and his kids is far more important than your ego.

WeirdDnDLady wrote:

YTA. I was about to say otherwise, but making it seem transactional was a huge dick move. From what I have seen in the comments, you've said you're not overly affectionate and that's what bothers you. Okay? So actually explain that. You've set a boundary and haven't explained it. Should you have to?

Probably not, but sometimes you have to in order for the person you're setting the boundary with to grasp why. You also, by action, have shown you favor E (whether you do or not is irrelevant if your actions show anything else) and honestly, yes, it's rather weird someone you consider that much of a daughter, married your son. That is a level of oddly creepy emotional incest I won't even get into.

This is one hell of a hill you built to die on due to poor communication and, whether you meant to or not, you created this situation and you need to fix it. By all means, keep that boundary if you feel the need to, but explain to her exactly why you would prefer it that way and for the love of all that is f#$king holy, do NOT make it sound conditional if that's truly not the case.

Clearly, no one can agree on a verdict for this one, so we need more takes in the comment section.

Sources: Reddit
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