Woman bans SIL from house after she adds ingredients to her tomato sauce. AITA?
"AITA for banning my SIL from my house over tomato sauce?"
I(28F) have an older brother(32M), he is married to SIL(33F). I get along with her well, except for this one point: if you don't keep an eye on her, she will get into the kitchen, and add seasonings to whatever is cooking. She thinks she is fixing stuff, but not all foods need turmeric in it.
This Saturday, I received 40lbs of tomatoes. It took me the whole weekend to turn it into a sauce that I was planning to can. I can it plain, then add whatever seasonings and herbs it needs, depending on the recipe.
They came to take a bag of spare clothes for one of their kids, and in the 5 minutes it took me to get it, she managed to get into the kitchen, add salt, pepper, turmeric, olive oil, garlic powder and Italian herbs to all 5 of the pots that were simmering on the stove.
And when I asked her what she was doing, she had the audacity to say 'this sauce needed some taste, I added it for you'. Like I've never told her to not touch what I was cooking before.
I was so angry that I knew I couldn't be calm talking with her. So I simply walked to my brother, told him to take the clothes and his wife, and that she is no longer welcome in my house.
She had followed me, was shocked, started apologizing, but I just ignored her. I added that he should come by tomorrow to take the sauce his wife ruined, because otherwise it would be thrown away, and that I expected 40lbs of replacement tomatoes.
They left, he came back with the tomatoes, an apology letter from her, and an apology carrot cake (my fav). But I told him that I stand by my decision. Now my parents got involved, since I am the one that usually hosts, and since she is not allowed in my house, I told them to make alternate plans for Memorial day.
My husband says that I am in the right, but my parents say that my reaction is way overblown. So AITA?
In case there is any confusion, I am not planning to host for memorial day and not invite her. I said I am not hosting. My parents or my brother should host, and I will attend as a guest. I might be angry, but I don't want her excluded.
Here were the top comments from readers who responded to the post:
If you don't keep an eye on her, she will get into the kitchen, and add seasonings to whatever is cooking.
She managed to get into the kitchen, add salt, pepper, turmeric, olive oil, garlic powder and Italian herbs to all 5 of the pots that were simmering on the stove.???? Like WTF?
This is so boundary disrespecting, disrespectful and INSULTING to what you're cooking. And it wasn't even for HER!! NTA for being furious. I do think she's learned her lesson though.
NTA. It is never okay to add something to someone's food without their consent or knowledge.
So NTA. She's crossing boundaries, poking into something where she doesn't belong. There's all kinds of wrong with messing with someone else's cooking - what if you were making something for someone allergic to turmeric?
Good on your brother for replacing the tomatoes, and on her for apologizing. That said, you're still in the right for banning her from the house, especially if that has happened multiple times and you have been clear with her that it's not acceptable.
If you are thinking about letting her back in, I'd make sure the apology is a real apology first. Not 'I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt', but something which takes responsibility for her actions. 'I added seasoning to your giant tomato sauce project without asking; this was out of line and I shouldn't have done it. It's my fault, and I'm sorry. In the future, I'm planning to not enter your kitchen unless invited.'
NTA 'I won't be hosting her anymore since CLEARLY she doesn't like my cooking. But I'm sure she and brother will be happy to host since she so eager to demonstrate her skills in the kitchen.'
NTA garlic is alkaline, that would entirely change the processing times to safely can the tomato sauce! she has no idea what she is messing with, the safety of your preserves for the next year! You are entitled to hold to your boundary even after her apology. A cake is a nice gesture but by no means is it enough to buy your trust back.