Woman confides in sister about exclusion from family trip, sister 'doesn't want drama.'

Family drama is the gift that keeps on giving, and once there's a sense of "sides" it truly explodes.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teen asked if she's wrong for telling her older sister the reason she's not included in family things.

"AITA for telling my sister her childhood is the reason she’s not always included in things?"

I’m 18F. My older sister is 26. We are are half sisters, as we share the same dad. We are the only kids to our dad. Our dad and her mom were once married (I wasn’t born obviously) and when they divorced my sister lived with her mom 99% of the time. She grew up 4 hours away from us. I only saw her a week out of the year growing up. She would attend some holidays with our dad's side of the family.

Once she graduated high school, (9 years ago) she lived with our dad and I was seeing her all the time. That’s when we built our relationship. My mom and dad live in the same city so I’ve always lived 50/50 with my parents. So we have an aunt and uncle on our side that I basically grew up with. Ever since I was 6 I’ve been staying summers with them out of state up until this year.

They also have a son I'm 2 years apart from. They tried to have my sister for summers when she was a child but because of whatever she never got to. The past 9 years my sister is finally around enough, just like I’ve been my whole life. I graduated this year and had a party our dad's side attended. My uncle (our dad's brother) booked a trip for us to go to Hawaii. His family and me.

And I didn’t know my sister didn’t know. I didn’t want to bring it up at all. When our cousin brought it up at my party my sister asked out loud “you guys are going to Hawaii???” And it became awkward as hell. Our uncle and aunt kinda rushed in a room and I just quickly said yea and walked away from the topic.

I saw my aunt take her in a room and talk to her, I didn’t know what they talked about nor did I ask- until my sister reached out to me yesterday. Basically, she said she’s had time to think about that day and said our aunt told her that she’s an afterthought because they didn’t get to build a relationship with her when she was young. And because of “lost time” things are kinda the way they are.

My sister said to our aunt that since she’s been around the family more now it’s ridiculous she excluded over such a thing she had no control over. She told me that she doesn’t appreciate them playing favorites and excluding her and making excuses for it. Also that she didn’t care about not going to Hawaii, it’s the point. When they claim they wish they were closer to her.

She said that they are potentially putting a wedge between us by doing things like this, and that as her sister, I should know how she feels. I told her this had nothing to do with me, and that our Aunt has a point with her childhood being the biggest reason things are the way they are. I also told her she was wrong for thinking our aunt was playing favoritism.

She told me it’s a shame I don’t see an issue with this. And that she looks at me differently for siding with my aunt. Which I’m not even doing. She said she clearly can’t talk to me about how she feels and it’s crazy how I’m siding with someone that really hurt her. ugh just drama. AITA?

People had strong opinions.

He_Who_Is_Person wrote:

YTA.

"They tried to have my sister for summers when she was a child but because of whatever she never got to."

If the sister was never included because she chose not to be, OP would have said that because it would justify her response. She doesn't say it. She says that instead. That reads to me like OP is trying to obscure the fact that her sister had no say in family dynamics; that whoever had custody of her kept her away. "The past 9 years" would have been since she was 17.

Well, which is it? She chose to absent herself and thus was the cause of her exclusion? Or is it that a custodian wouldn't let her, in which case it's not remotely her fault? I have to guess it's the latter because she apparently tried to re-integrate when she turned 17 and probably wouldn't have been able to do that on her own accord beforehand.

I think it would be extreme AH behavior to blow off her upset as mere "drama" if it's the latter. She says the sister has been around / trying to rejoin the family; that the family wants to build ties. If that's the case, excluding her sends an unnecessary fuck you. And since OP chose not to make this clear, I'm going to have to draw that inference barring new information.

Don't be surprised if she drops out of your life entirely. Then again, you sound like you wouldn't care.

Select_Abrocoma8179 wrote:

YTA. Your sister was telling you that she felt sidelined in the current situation. Which she was. She was telling you that as her sister she expected you to speak up for her when she was excluded from family things. Which you didn't. You said that you didn't know initially that she wasn't invited on the trip, but when you found out rather than acting like an adult you tried to avoid the situation until it blew up in your faces.

She's been around for a decade. Which is more than enough time to forge meaningful relationships if anyone but her was putting in the effort to do so. Your aunt and uncle were astoundingly sh#$ty here. This was clearly favoritism, and you acting like it's not is just pathetic.

Emeraldgyal wrote:

YTA so your uncles FROM YOUR DAD'S SIDE WHO IS ALSO HER F#$KING DAD IS EXCLUDING HER??? And you can’t see how f#$king TERRIBLE THAT IS?? Horrible sister.

angel9_writes wrote:

Someone told your sister to her face she's nothing but an after thought for things that were outside her control when she was a CHILD and you said -- Yep, that's true.

YTA.

Frequent_Plant_5610 wrote:

YTA for vacationing in Hawaii in general after everything that’s just happened there and also for thinking it’s OK for your uncle to exclude your sister that’s just mean.

OP is clearly TA here, hopefully this thread serves as a wakeup call for her.