Woman invites ex stepmom to her baby shower but not her bio mom. AITA?
Sometimes, a mother's role isn't based in biology but in connection.
One woman writes about how she wanted to invite her ex stepmother to her baby shower as they had formed a very personal and meaningful bond. However, she did not want to invite her biological mother. As you will see, she explains why and updates us a year later after heeding the advice from Reddit readers.
'AITA for not inviting my mom to my baby shower?'
So background : I (21f) and 7 months pregnant. I got pregnant after my antipsychotics canceled out my birth control; it took months of therapy for me to realize the blame isn’t on my son and I’m somewhat happier. My son is also my parents' first grandchild.
My baby shower is in April just 3 weeks before my due date, my aunt is planning it and is making the invitations; so far it’s all 3 of my aunts, siblings, grandparents and any cousin who can make it. Along with any of my friends who wanna come.
I asked my ex stepmom (dad left her for my mom 5 years ago) if she wanted to come; this woman helped my grandparents raise me and treated me like her own, I love her (she said yes btw).
My mom on the other hand… before she came back 5 years ago, I hadn’t seen her for nearly 10 years. So I decided not to have her or my dad there because I want that day to be about my son and I without the drama.
Well my dad found out and thinks it’s “sh*tty of you to leave out your own mother when it’s her first grandchild.” I replied with “if y’all were actually there to raise me, I’d reconsider inviting you. But since you decided to ignore your four children, imma guess you’d do the same to your grandson.” They haven’t spoken to me since.
What makes me wonder if AITA is that my little sister (15) has taken their side (I love my sister and so her bashing me hurts). Everyone else is on my side. And so I brought it to Reddit to ask for unbiased opinions.
Here were the highest rated comments from readers after this initial post:
NTA. She wasn't there when you needed her. Even if she was, the invitation is totally in your hands. You're not obligated to invite anyone.
NTA, 3 weeks before your due date you don't need unnecessary stress. You explained yourself very clear and they should honour it. Maybe your parents are pressuring your sister to make you change your mind.
NTA. It's your baby shower. You get to invit whoever you want. They may be your parents legally speaking but you don't think as them as your parents. They may not like it, but that happened because of their own decisions.
It seemed like this would be the end of the story but, a FULL YEAR later, the OP returned.
'Update: AITA for not inviting my mom to my baby shower?'
Hi everyone! It’s been a year since the first post, and in honor of my son turning one today I thought I’d give you all a little update!
First, my baby shower went off without a hitch. My ex stepmother ended up backing out at the last second due to her own personal problems at the time, and she convinced me to invite my parents. For the most part they behaved, don’t know if they were completely sober at the time but my aunt and brother kept an eye on them.
Second, my son was born May 16th at 9lbs 15oz and 21in long. He’s such a healthy beautiful baby I couldn’t be prouder. For those who had a concern about my mental health: while I still struggle I’ve been taking my medication, continuing therapy and leaning on family.
My mom still hasn’t met her grandson. I have a strict rule stating no drugs, and you have to be completely sober around my son. They thought I was joking till I blocked them; my dad is currently 6 months sober. Mom is leaving for a sober house today. I’m proud of the first step.
Lastly, I want to thank everyone in the last thread. Your energy and thoughts carried with me throughout the party and it ended up being amazing. Thank you all!
Here were the highest rated comments from readers after this long overdue update from the OP:
OP made a good choice. One loving stepmom over two biological deadbeats.
This is a good update. I wonder how much of sisters reaction was due to age gap. By my maths, little sister wouldn't have had any memories of mum before she came back, so hers was the miracle return, for the older siblings, they remember the original abandonment.
'9lbs 15oz and 21in long' GOOD GRIEF GIRL! You birthed a whopper of a baby! Are you okay??? Congrats on your new arrival and I'm so glad things are going smoothly. <3
The OP responded here:
Lol I had a 20 hour labor - 7 hours in I asked for an epidural, 15 hours later I had to have a C-section cause his big head got stuck. Whoever said the first baby is the best, lied and I just wanna have a talk.