Woman asks if she's wrong for not taking in grieving BIL who tried to sue her.
AITA for only taking my nieces in and not their dad after my sister passed away?
My F,33 sister F,36 passed away a month ago because of cancer. It's devastating and words can't express how we feel. Her husband struggled to pay off debts and has asked me and my husband to take him and my nieces age, 13 & 16 in for some time. I have to say that I'm not on good terms with him.
We've had more than our fair share of disagreements in the past. He tried to sue me and my husband for my own mother's house which I'm living in with my husband and daughter. but he claimed he needed money to pay for my sister's treatment and, this was the only way to get it after we (my brother and I) refused yo help. It's a long story but we're not on good terms.
I agreed to only take my nieces in but not him. He tried to negotiate this saying his daughters are grieving and need him, their remaining parent to be around. I said he could see them during visits and that was it. My husband agreed with me at first. My brother inlaw showed up with my nieces days ago and I only let the girls in but turned him away after he tried to talk me into letting him stay.
We had a huge argument and the girls went inside crying after their dad left repeatedly saying the want him. My husband is backing out of this saying we might be making a mistake separating the girls from their dad when they're grieving.
My aunt berated me saying I messed up entirely here. I argued that it's my home and I don't feel comfortable with him staying after what he's done. She called me selfish and bitter and said I'm making it more difficult for the girls who just lost their mom.
Now the girls are quiet but my 16yo niece keeps arguing about wanting her dad with them. My husband still thinks we're making a mistake and getting the girls to resent me to what I did to their dad who's grieving.
Comments:
amore-7 says:
NTA. They might be grieving, but it’s your house and you’re doing them a favour. If people have an issue with it they can take them all in.
Lidia70 says:
Just a reminder: you're own daughter is watching every bit of this.
Jambomo says:
YTA - You actually sound really cruel. You wouldn’t help with the care of your dying sister, now you’d separate her children from their dad.
You are saying he tried to sue you, how far did that actually get? Even with that though, you can see he did that out of desperation and a desired to save your sister because he loved her. Don’t you care about the people she loved at all?
alien_overlord_1001 says:
YTA seriously you can’t see that? They just lost their mother and you are taking their father away? And separating him from his kids? If you are in the US I don’t even want to know what the medical costs must be. Your nieces will not forgive you for this.
I think you also missed some important info - why do you have your mothers house? Did your sister not get a share of it?
Out0fit says:
Nah you’re good.
EastSeaweed says:
Okay, so I don’t think Y T A for not wanting him in your home. But I don’t think they should be separated. To me, that means they need to find another place to stay. BIL should not have abandoned his daughters while berating you and telling them how horrible you are. If you’re so horrible, why did he leave them in your care?
diispa says:
YTA. You Obviously aren’t absolutely required to help him, But he is your family, and he needs you. It sounds like it might be time to put the past behind you all and settle down to grieve together.