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Woman excludes 'exhibitionist' cousin from birthday party, cousin freaks out, calls family. UPDATED

Woman excludes 'exhibitionist' cousin from birthday party, cousin freaks out, calls family. UPDATED


Every adult is entitled to live their life how they want so long as it doesn't harm others. But once your actions affect others in deeply uncomfortable ways, it might be time to reassess.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her mom she's not inviting her cousin to her birthday because of her cousin's "habit." She wrote:

"AITA for telling my mother I will not invite my cousin to my birthday because of her 'habit?'"

My (23F) mother (51F) is berating me for not wanting to invite my cousin (24F) to my birthday party. The thing is my cousin and her boyfriend have this "habit" (kink, really) and they do not stop sneaking off to have sex, sometimes semi-publicly, sometimes in public. I was invited to her birthday six months ago, it was it a restaurant, and when they brought in the cake, they were nowhere to be found.

My uncle (mom's brother, and her father) sent me to look for her. And I found them having s*x in his car, in the middle of the parking lot, and she saw me and smiled and waved, laughing with her boyfriend.

This was not the first time something like this happened, as I later found out that my uncle sent me because he didn't want to catch his daughter in the act again, and her friends already knew of this habit so they refuse to engage in their fantasies of being caught.

I took my things and left, and my mother scolded me because she said my cousin was upset and embarrassed that I just left with a disgusted face, and that her friends backed me up, some left too. I told my mom what happened, and she told me I should have endured to not cause a scene, but I told her that I am a grown woman and I could have left even without a reason.

Now, my birthday is in a week, and I made plans for a weekend out in my grandmother's beach house, and she has given me permission to use it and bring my friends. I sent out the invitations, and when my cousin found out (because my uncle told her, having heard it from my mom) she was confused as to why she didn't receive one.

I told her I love her, but I didn't want her there because my friends are bringing her boyfriends too, as am I, and I don't want them to have to endure her and her boyfriend's kink, because it will make us uncomfortable. I told her it is one thing to have s*x, and it is another to engage other people in their s*x life without their consent.

She was furious, saying that I was excluding her, and that she would do it on my birthday, but I laughed and told her she did it on her own birthday, so I didn't believe it, and I would rather not risk her ruining my party. So she went complaining to my mom about it, and she tried to force me, and since I live on my own and pay my own bills, she couldn't.

So she went to my grandmother to try and convince her to not let me use the house, but I had already told my nonna everything, and she dismissed her. So now my mom, my aunt and my cousin are all bothering me about it. I think I have a right to invite whoever I want, but maybe I was too harsh?

Me and my cousin were really close friends, but these past months I've been pulling away from her and I feel a little bad? So, AITAH?

Redditors had a lot to say in response.

forgetregret1day wrote:

Ewww. I’m all for a healthy s*x life but the minute you need to shock other people with it, I draw the line. It’s beyond inappropriate to have sex in the middle of a party in such a way that you want other people to “catch” you.

That kind of kink infringes on other people’s rights and I think you had every reason to leave her off your guest list and tell her why. Maybe suggest your mom host your cousin & BF that weekend so she can play this weird game. I’m just astonished that everyone is trying to pressure you to invite these people knowing their history. NTA.

OP responded:

She's telling me that she has promised to not do it, or just not bring her boyfriend, but I know my cousin.

She is very bold and impulsive, and her relationship is relatively new, so she might try to flirt or hook up with one of my friends' boyfriends, because she has cheated before, on her longterm boyfriend (which I know is unfair, and she might not do it, but I do not want any drama on my birthday). And it makes me feel a little selfish.

messyposting wrote:


"My mother scolded me because she said my cousin was upset and embarrassed that I just left with a disgusted face."

What the hell did she expect you to do? Grin and give them the thumbs up? Start mast*rbating at the sight? Try to join in? Leaving with a disgusted face is the normal reaction to walking in on a family member having s*x. Avoiding that family member is the normal reaction to finding out that that family member has been attempting to expose you and others to their s*xual activities unwillingly.

Your cousin is gross, immoral and out of line. Having a k*nk is fine. Engaging in the k*nk with aware and willing third parties is fine. Forcing the k*nk on nonconsenting third parties is unacceptable. Forcing the k*nk on your own family members is just disgusting. Why exactly does she get off on being seen in the act by her own relatives?

Cersei needs to grow up and learn to k*nk responsibly, and your mom just needs to grow up, period. Definitely keep this weird girl and her boyfriend away from your party.

OP responded:

Not Cersei. 😭 I have to say, not to defend her, that involving relatives was a miscalculation when it was her father, and me...well...she admitted that she thought it wasn't such a big deal since were really close up to that point. But yeah, it's pretty gross, so I don't want to expose my friends to it.

a_person1852 wrote:

If someone's kink involves NON-CONSENSUAL actions of another people then the k*nk is s*xual ass*ult. Doing it in public and getting off on people catching you in the act is no different than a guy in a coat flashing someone walking by. If they get off on it than there are actual groups where you can set it up a bunch of scenarios to fill your k*nk.

If cousin really needs it so the other person is clueless then her kink is messed up and disgusting. Even more so that she likes doing it to family members.

Cursd818 wrote:

NTA. What is wrong with your mother? Your cousin is sexually harassing people. Depending on the jurisdiction, it could even classify as s*xual assault. Its certainly indecent exposure, which is a crime. Her behaviour is creepy, predatory, and disgusting- imagine if a child discovered them while they were doing this?

If my mother was siding with someone who was repeatedly s*xually harassing me and others, I would not speak to her for a long time. Why is she supporting a perv over her child? If she agrees with that behaviour, maybe she's also not safe to be around.

OP responded:

I don't know if this is oversharing, but my cousin looks a LOT like my mother's deceased sister, and that has made both my mom and my uncle enable her entitled behaviour sometimes. It's not an excuse, I just want to provide some context, I know it's f*cked.

A few days after posting, OP jumped on with an update.

Okay, so first of all I want to thank everyone who has wished me a happy early birthday, I really appreciated. And there's some things I want to clarify. For some reason some of the people who commented seemed to believe my mother is invited to the party, she's not. We will have our own mother-daughter day after. Some people also had a problem with my nonna having a beach house?

Like, weird thing to focus on, but okay. Some people were really rude about the way I handled everything, or to my mother, which I didn't really appreciate, but I've been told that "that's reddit for you" so I guess I should have known when posting here. It's a little bit of a disappointing update, but well. I showed my mother my post, and she was appalled (I had to translate everything for her).

She wasn't all too happy that I decided to share a family matter with internet strangers, but when I told her that my cousin was sharing something much more private to the public she dropped the issue. She apologized for trying to pressure me into inviting her, like I said in the comments she only knew that I caught her one time.

But there was some miscommunication because she had thought I just caught her in the bathroom of the restaurant, not the parking lot (which is still bad, but least there's doors). I told her over the phone and she's a little hard of hearing, so I believe her.

She called my uncle (her brother, cousin's father) and tore him a new one after she learned that he sent me to find cousin knowing what I would find, and for not saying anything when she and his wife were bothering me, knowing the reason why his daughter is not invited. My cousin has blocked me on everything, and I don't really care, but it's weird did I do?

Oh, and it turns out that my aunt DID know what her daughter is up to, she just thinks that it's her private issues, which is kind of ironic because...well. Me and my mother have decided to leave it for now as it is, and we've gone LC with them. She is really weirded out. That's all for now, thank you all for all the kind and helpful comments.

Redditors were fully invested in the update.

binger5 wrote:

What are the odds the cousin and her bf will show up and f#$k on the beach?

seajay26 wrote:

Cousin needs to be careful. All it takes is the wrong person spotting them then the police will be involved. Especially in a restaurant car park where there might be families with kids.


Her blocking you is no loss to you. Take it as a huge win. She's been lucky so far by not being caught by the right people who will call the cops on her and then your uncle and aunt will just have to deal with her behavior. I still can't believe they sent you out to look for her knowing full well what she was doing.

If they don't want to see her getting it on in public then they shouldn't expect others to enjoy what they find when they catch her in the act. I wouldn't be surprised if she's not invited to many things by her friends either. They just probably hide it better so she doesn't find out.

But you have right to invite who you want at your birthday party or any event that you host. Your uncle and aunt have no right to be mad or make demands to include their daughter. If they want to host events they can but they better let people know that any event they host or she goes to comes with a free show.

CantaloupeFamous9526 wrote:

Thank you for updating, but you should probably prepare yourself since she may show up anyway. If she knows where the house is and figures out when you are going, I wouldn’t be surprised if you find them on the beach near the house.

Clearly, there's no universe where OP is TA in this situation. Hopefully, she's able to enjoy her birthday in peace now.

Sources: Reddit
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