Man lets phone die while partying; wife has emergency and 'flips out.' AITA?

'AITA for flipping out on my husband via text after he let his phone die during a family emergency?'

So I (34F) and my husband (35M) had a plan this weekend that he would be the next state over for a college reunion while I stayed home with our 1 year old baby. All is fine and well until yesterday right before he was leaving for the party that was at a bar and I got an unexpected call from my parents who also live out of state.

Husband is obviously partying his A off.

I am a nurse so they were asking what they should do with my grandma who called them stating that she couldn't feel her foot and that she was in excruciating pain. I told them to take her to the ER immediately and they said she couldn't walk so I told them to call an ambulance.

This doesn't sound good.

I called my husband right after and the last update that I gave him before his party was that they were transferring her to another hospital for emergency surgery for a life threatening condition. I was waiting anxiously at home when the surgery was taking way longer than expected (>3 hours).

My husband hadn't checked in at all. I got a text from a number that I didn't know that was a drunk selfie of some guy and my husband, with zero context. I texted my husband and said that I was worried sick about my grandma and didn't appreciate getting texted drunk selfies from random people. Heard nothing.

After an hour I texted the random number and asked if my husband's phone had died and he said 'Yes 😂'.

Whose phone dies anymore?

Here's where I may be TA, I texted back 'Cool, my grandma is still in emergency surgery 😂'. I never got a reply to this. About 4 hours later when my grandma survived and was transferred to the ICU I texted my husband how much he had let me down.

This turned into a fight where he believes that he he did no wrong because 'I knew he was looking forward to this party for two months and he couldn't do anything anyway.' I blew up and told him how irresponsible it was for him to get drunk and let his phone die while I was alone with our baby during a family emergency.

Should he have been more engaged?

He apologized for not 'checking in more,' to which I corrected that he didn't check in at all (not even the next morning) and he says that he 'did his due diligence in making himself reachable' and I said that a random number texting me a drunk selfie does not count as him telling me that his phone was dead and that's how I should reach him.

He said the name of the bar in passing a few times but I couldn't remember the name and I did not know the name of his hotel. He says I'm just overreacting and it's not a big deal because 'it's not like he could do anything from another state' and that he did no wrong.

Seeing his friends was important to him and a lot of them he hasn't seen in 15 years and that he shouldn't have to disrupt his plans to 'cater to me.' I didn't ask him to take the next flight home just be available or communicate that he wasn't.

She's pissed, but rightfully so?

I told him that I was afraid and he could have at least checked to see if I was okay and that it also isn't okay to let your phone die when someone else has your child even without an emergency. So, AITA for flipping out on him?

ETA that the emergency happened right before the party so he was sober at that time and aware that the situation was touch and go. I called him immediately after I had my parents call 911.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

SirGatekeeper85 writes:

I keep flipping between ESH and NAH. It does suck that you couldn't reach him, but I can't imagine you failed to understand what would happen if he went to a meetup out of state? He should've been available, but at the same time should he REALLY be on call? If you feel that way, why did you okay it in the first place?

PrettyHateMachinexxx OP responded:

We also had a baby at home and have no family here. I just needed some emotional support. I did react emotionally but I wouldn't have if he had given me a shred of communication.

Ok-Cat-4975 writes:

I get the feeling you would have spammed him all night if you could have. Giving you access only through a friend was a genius way to hold you at bay while still being available in a real emergency.

PrettyHateMachinexxx OP responded:

I waited 4 hours for a response before reaching out to the random number.

OkRisk2232 writes:

YTA, what were you going to do a state away from Grandma? What was your husband supposed to do? It sounds like you weren't comfortable with him going and used this as an excuse to be pissed. Of course, he was having fun. It's a reunion. Did you have a contingency plan for incase, like IL or friends? I think you are hard on this one.

PrettyHateMachinexxx OP responded:

I wanted him to have fun but the bare minimum would be to be reachable in case of an emergency and there was a known emergency.

Interesting-Ask7455 writes:

I’m sorry it’s 2023. Why are we still letting our phones die? Amazon has thousands of portable chargers. Not to mention, significant others should care (and with that care worry) about one another. Even if there wasn’t a family emergency, was he not gonna text you when he got back to his hotel room so you knew he made it home safe?

Too many people in the US don’t make it home safe these days. Could he have done anything about the emergency from another state, no, but he should have checked in the next morning, at the very least. Going with NTA

PrettyHateMachinexxx OP responded:

He is a major techy as well and always has battery packs and chargers.

Interesting-Ask7455 writes:

I hate to go there, but are you sure his phone actually died then?

PrettyHateMachinexxx OP responded:

That didn't cross my mind. I hope he's being truthful.

jrm1102 writes:

I think we’re really over using “emergency” here. There was nothing emergent for OP or OP’s husband to deal with. OP was stressed and is deflecting that onto her husband - and it sounds like she was pissed he was on the trip even before grandma’s surgery.

PrettyHateMachinexxx OP responded:

My grandma being air lifted to another hospital for emergency life saving surgery while she is still in the ICU counts as a family emergency for me.

I paid his expenses for him to go, I wanted him to go. I just wanted him to show concern for me and our family too in an unforeseen, unfortunate circumstance. Emergencies happen. Just a text letting me know that he was unreachable.

It was so stressful not knowing how to reach him while also navigating everything for my grandma long distance. My family was relying on me to help them with all of the medical stuff and it was a lot.

jrm1102 writes:

YTA - sorry, but I never get this outlook. What exactly did your husband need to do here? If you needed him home, you should have told him. Otherwise why does he have to ruin his night.

PrettyHateMachinexxx OP responded:

A simple 'hey, my phone is dying here's where you can reach me' would have sufficed.

werealldoomed2022 writes:

You guys are heartless, individualistic a**holes. They are a family, he is a partner and a father first, the least he should have done is check in as soon as he knew what was happening and apologize for missing communication earlier. This is the minimum expectation for an adult partner with a small child at home.

NTA wishing your grandma a speedy recovery. I can only imagine how alone and scared you must've felt and then the disrespectful drunk selfie on top of that. Your husband should be feeling mortified and needs to properly apologize and show support.

Various-Gap3986 writes:

Thank you - for the first normal, healthy response on this thread!