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Woman asks if she was wrong to not let grieving brother-in-law join her in bed.

Woman asks if she was wrong to not let grieving brother-in-law join her in bed.


In a post on Reddit a woman had an awkward encounter with her BIL. She reacted negatively to it, and the BIL pushed back. Here's her story.

My sister (f35) passed away 2 months ago [OP is f30]. She has 2 kids (3&5) and I help take care of them by either visiting BIL's house or have them come over to mine.

Days ago, BIL left the kids with me for the day then called in the evening asking if I could have them stay with me for the night. I of course agreed. The kids and I fell asleep while we were reading a story and then at 1am. I woke up to some noise.

I opened my eyes and saw my BIL slowly climbing in bed. I freaked out asking what he was doing. He tried to calm me down then said that he saw the kids were with me and wanted to 'join us'.

This did not sit right with me...I was confused I asked how he thought this was an appropriate thing to do and he again said that his kids were there so he didn't think I'd mind him being with them.

I felt extremely uncomfortable I got up and asked him to please leave the room but he objected saying 'I can't keep him away from his kids' I told him that I'd have the kids join him in a minute. He eventually walked out. He had the kids get dressed and took them home after calling what I did 'unnecessarily cruel' and 'rude.'

Next day I tried to call to check on the kids but he was still upset saying they were asleep after I interrupted their sleep by refusing to let him join us in bed. I hung up and felt so many things all at once. I told my mom and she said I had to apologize for how I behaved towards my grieving BIL. AITA for saying no?

Here's what people thought:

Odd_Hold2980 thinks NTA, but still totally fine.

NAH. I can totally see why they were both puzzled by the others behavior/reaction.

He probably just wanted to cuddle next to his kids and didn’t think that was weird. Believe me, when my kids are in bed between me and my husband, he seems a million miles away. If it was me in this situation, unless the BIL was trying to spoon me…I’d be like “Yeah, grab some bed.'

tteoat want's to give the BIL a pass because he's grieving.

I mean his wife just passed he might just wanna sleep close to his kids and I imagine you were you one end then the 2 kids then would have been him? I don't think he was trying to be a creep.

SandBrilliant2675 thinks he's trying to do more than sleep.

NTA. Absolutely-effing-not. That man is trying to slide right into bed as if you are his dead wife/your sister and he doesn’t see a problem with that.

That is not a mistake, that was a tactile move to see how far he could push you boundaries and see how much you’ll allow during a vulnerable time (half asleep). One does not simply climb into bed with you wife’s sister because “she’s withholding me from my kids if she doesn’t say yes”.

Firm boundaries need to put in place now. This situation needs to be discussed. You were right to have all alarm bells go off. NTA. I am sorry for your loss.

erinkjean thinks it may have been a mistake.

Nta. He may not understand what he did, but he knew well enough to react by being cruel and humiliating to OP to cover his own embarrassment at what he tried to do.

Everyone seems to have sympathy for OP, but there's not agreement that he did anything wrong.

Sources: Reddit
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