Woman treated horribly by stepfather turns table when he asks for her help.
Blended families can be a great thing, or they can create years of lasting trauma. In this story, a woman grows up to be stronger and more self reliant because of what she was put through by her stepfather, and then gets to throw it back in his face when he's the one asking for help. Here's her story...
I'm 29F. When I was about 10, my mom married my stepfather. I have an older brother Luke who was 15. My stepfather had Amy and Ada who were 12 and 11.
We didn't come from a privileged background. My mum was a min wage worker and my dad was absent. Our stepfather had a very good income. Their deal was that they wouldn't combine finances, and they would each contribute equally to the household, and then each takes care of their children with their spare money.
So my mum never had anything for us, and my stepfather was spending big on his kids. This included holidays which Luke and I were excluded from (stepfather would pay for mum, but not us).
Luke and I also shared a room even though Amy and Ada had their own rooms and we had a guest room, because step father insisted that he was paying more towards the house so my mum's share would only get her one room for the kids. Luke and I were constantly teased for this situation by the three of them as we grew up.
My mum always said that we should be thankful because if it wasn't for our stepfather we would not be living in a nice home in a good neighborhood.
Anyway, Luke and I became determined to be able to take care of ourselves so that we wouldn't need to take nonsense from anyone. We have both done quite well with our careers and finances and we are in a very good place.
Since turning 18 and moving out my relationship with the three of them has been very limited. I wouldn't call us friends, but we can exist peacefully if we are in the same place.
I visited my mum recently and my stepfather mentioned that Amy wants to buy a house now that she's pregnant. He asked me if I'm able to help out a little with the deposit. The house is £500k and she needs a £150k deposit. She has £100k so far–£25k on her own, £25k from her mum, and £50k from stepfather.
He was asking if Luke and I can help cover the extra £50k, and he said he'd pay us back as part of the inheritance eventually.
I said no. He insisted that Luke and I both own our houses outright and with our incomes we should be able to help. I said whether I can or not is irrelevant, my answer is no. He reminded me that Luke and I each gave £10k to our cousin for buying a house as a gift, but Amy is my sister and he's offering to pay us back.
I said that was our choice then, and this is my choice now. He insisted that we should be willing to help out our family if we're able to, I replied back 'like how you helped me and Luke when we were kids?'
Everyone just went quiet when I said this. After a while, he said if we went back in time he'd have done things differently, and treated all four of us equally. I said that's good of you but doesn't make you entitled to my money now.
He said he knows he's not entitled, that's why he's asking and promising to pay it back. I said the answer still is no, he's not entitled to a loan either.
My mum later told me I could have turned him down without being an a**hole or bringing up childhood which he already feels guilty about. AITA?
Here's what people had to say:
MeasurementNovel8907 writes:
NTA. He made the rules, he has no right to complain about you living by them. He could have chosen to help you out at any time, and she's frankly already been given more for the house than most people ever get from their family.
692MPLMN OP responded:
Yeah seriously she can just buy slightly cheaper house.
largely_silent writes:
The person who really deserves your anger is your mum. Your step Dad doesn't owe you anything, she should not have entered into this marriage knowing you would be treated like that.
692MPLMN OP responded:
Yeah, he doesn't owe me anything and I don't owe him anything either. Goes both ways.
Alarming_Work4005 writes:
Absolutely NTA. And I think you did turned him down without bringing up your childhood, but he kept pressuring you, so it’s totally understandable that you told the truth.
692MPLMN OP responded:
Exactly I only brought up our childhood after he tried to guilt me about how we're family and should help each other. Initially it was just a simple rejection.
maroongrad writes:
NTA. He needs to know how badly he screwed up. And he didn't do anything to try and make up for it either, did he? Nope. Not until he wanted YOUR money for HIS kid that bullied you. Nope. Not a cent...unless you get a loan, notarized, for a freakin' ridiculous amount of interest.
692MPLMN OP responded:
No he didn't do anything to make up for it, he has only mentioned a few times that we wished he had done things differently. And only after Luke and I had become completely independent and successful so only when he knew we wouldn't need or want anything from him.
False_Love773 writes:
Going on vacations without your children is the only explanation one needs to know what kind of mother this is. There is no justifying that. No sympathy for that. No understanding for that. Nope.. nothing