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Woman hosts sister going through separation, gets told she's 'flaunting' happy marriage.

Woman hosts sister going through separation, gets told she's 'flaunting' happy marriage.


Small moments of affection are a regular part of living with a partner. A little shoulder squeeze here, a touch of the lower back, a quick hug to break up the work day - if you're in a good place with your partner, these are all relatively normal. However, when there's a third party around, the dynamic can shift.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her sister to find another place to stay if she keeps complaining about how affectionate she's been. She wrote:

'AITA for telling my sister she should stay with someone else if she doesn’t like how affectionate I am in my own home?'

I (24f) own a home with my husband Andrew (25m) that we’ve been slowly renovating for the past two years. We decided to forego spending money on a wedding or a honeymoon and instead got a cute (but very old lol) house. My sister Jenna (30f) and her husband separated a few months back, and she’s been staying with us until she can get back on her feet.

Things were mostly fine in the beginning, I’ve never had issues with my sister before, and she’s always liked Andrew so I never thought there would be any problems. Andrew and I have always been a snuggly couple. It’s nothing over the top, just forehead kisses, hand-holding, and arm hugging mostly. I will admit that now that I’m pregnant (due in late dec), Andrew has been way more snuggly.

If he’s not fixing something in the house, sitting at his computer working, or running an errand, then he’s probably either touching my belly or thinking about doing it lol. He’s excited about being a dad and I think it’s really sweet so I don’t mind. Jenna has been passive-aggressive about it since he started doing it. She’ll roll her eyes in annoyance or make a bit of a dramatic show of leaving the room.

It’s honestly been annoying but Andrew and I have mostly just ignored it. Last night when I was curled up on the couch not feeling well, Andrew brought me a drink, kissed my forehead, and then touched my belly while jokingly scolding our baby for making me sick.

Jenna kind of huffed, but she waited until Andrew went back to putting some furniture together in the other room before she told me that I needed to stop being such an insensitive jerk by “flaunting” my happy marriage in her face. I told her I was sorry that she’s going through a tough time in her own marriage, but I’m flaunting anything and it’s not like Andrew and I were doing it to antagonize her.

She said we were being inconsiderate and that as long as she’s staying at the house we need to keep our affections confined to our bedroom. Finally, I said that it was our home, so I wouldn’t be asking my husband to only act affectionate towards me behind closed doors, and that if it really was that difficult for her to see us together then maybe she'd be better off staying somewhere else.

Well, that upset her because she packed some of her stuff up and left shortly afterwards. Today I’ve been getting all kinds of messages from our mom saying how cruel it was of me to toss Jenna out, and I got a message from Jenna saying she still can’t believe how insensitive I’m being about this.

Andrew has assured me that I wasn’t being cruel or insensitive about any of it, but I still feel unsure so I wanted to get some opinions from people who are removed from the situation.

People chimed in with their two cents.

lady_rain_was_here wrote:

NTA. She's just jealous. It doesn't sound at all like you two are over the top, it sounds like you have a great marriage and you and your husband are cute. Your sister cannot tell you what to do in your own house. And you didn't toss her out, she chose to leave.

kimariesingsMD wrote:


Explain to your mother that Jenna was not kicked out, but decided to leave because she was angry that you wouldn't cave in to her unreasonable and entitled demands.

2Whom_it_May_Concern wrote:

NTA. She is making her insecurities your problem. I'm sure it is annoying and hurts her, but that is her issue to deal with. You are offering her a roof over her head and she is being ungrateful. She needs therapy. Also, you didn't kick her out.

You suggested that she may be happier elsewhere if she cannot handle people being nice to each other in their relationship. She likely is spinning it so it seems like you kicked her out. She is painting herself as the victim here. Put a stop to that and let others help her if they're so concerned.

Comfortable_Douglas wrote:

NTA as you said, it’s your house, so… why should your habits have to change? She needs to stop making it all about her. I could understand if y’all were straight-up nasty and getting your freak on in communal living spaces right in front of her, or even excessive PDA.

But that’s the thing…you’re not. It’s just innocent affection in the confines of your own home. Your sister needs counseling. Period. She’s not coping well with her separation at all and is choosing to project her pain rather than deal with it like an adult.

Disastrous-Nail-640 wrote:

NTA. You didn’t throw her out, she threw herself out. She doesn’t have the right to dictate how you and your husband behave in your own damn home. Tell your mother she’s more than welcome to house your sister and that you won’t stop her from doing so. But, that as a grown adult, you and your husband will behave as you see fit in the home that you pay for.

After receiving lots of responses, OP jumped on with an update.


I just wanted to answer a few questions I keep seeing. Jenna was staying with my husband and I instead of our mom because we have more space at our house than our mom does in hers. It's also a shorter commute to Jenna's job from here, so it was for convenience but I do want to make a point of saying that I love my sister and I wanted to be there for her while she was going through her separation.

She was also made aware that I was pregnant almost a month before she started staying with us. I found out really early on and she was the second person I told. I'm also not a huge fan of excessive displays of affection in front of others, and so I didn't really think that Andrew and I had crossed a line or been 'overly' affectionate in her presence.

Hopefully, OP and her sister are able to come to a place of mutual understanding.

Sources: Reddit
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