One autistic aunt was fed up with the mess that her neice was making when she came to stay for her birthday. Her brother said it was just her ADHD and it shouldn't be a big deal if she's a little messy. They were there for her birthday after all. But the OP says she had enough and now she is wondering if she is the AH for making kicking them to the curb instead of celebrating her neice's birthday.
My (34F) brother “John” (29M) has a kid “Emily” (12F) who has ADHD. The plan was that they would stay with me at my house for a few days so that they could celebrate Emily’s birthday with me.
John told me beforehand that, due to Emily’s ADHD, she would bring some fidget toys with her, and I said that that’s fine, as long as she wouldn’t leave them lying around or make a mess (I like to keep a tidy and clean house - my home growing up was always filthy and I couldn’t stand it).
When they arrived, I saw that one of the ‘fidget toys’ John had told me about was that horrid slime stuff, and she was playing/fiddling with it when she walked in.
I absolutely detest it, it just makes a sticky mess, so I asked her if she had brought anything else to fiddle with, and she said she forgot her bag of fidget stuff so she only had this.
I didn’t want her to be in distress, and I myself have autism so I also have things for stimming with. I offered them to Emily to see if she wanted them instead, but she said no because she only really likes to fiddle with her own stuff.
I told her that’s okay but her slime isn’t allowed to leave the room she’ll be sleeping in, because that room isn’t carpeted.
On the second day of their visit, she went up to me, crying, saying she’d got some of the slime on the floor. I expected it to be on the floor of her own bedroom, where I could get it off relatively easily, but she led me to MY bedroom, and it was stuck in the carpet.
I told her to leave the room, and that I would deal with it, not shouting or raising my voice but probably with clenched teeth as I was pretty angry at not only a violation of the rules I had set up but also of my privacy (she’s visited before and knows that my room is out of bounds to her).
I managed to clean it, but the dye in it left a stain. I told John that while we could still do all the activities we’d planned, he and Emily had to stay in a hotel for the rest of their trip, as I couldn’t trust that this wouldn’t happen again. I offered to pay half of the costs, but John declined.
It still was a good trip, and Emily had fun on her birthday, but John is nevertheless angry with me for forcing him to pay for a hotel just because Emily made a mistake. AITA?
NTA - why couldn’t her father have gone to the store and got her a new fidget toy of her own that she could have used in your home? She’s 12 and she knows she’s not meant to be in your room, that alone would be enough for me to ask them to leave.
If she wasn’t willing to use the OP’s fidget toys, she might not have been willing to use a new one. But really, how could they forget something so important to her?
NTA, your house, your rules. You were accommodating and they disrespected your rules. This is more on your brother, he should know better.
NTA. Not only did she break your rule of keeping slime in her/her dad’s room, but she went into YOUR bedroom. Emily still had a good trip and hopefully she’ll be able to better follow rules next time.
NTA. To me, the rest of it doesn't matter - she's 12, she's old enough to know better. She knew she wasn't supposed to go into your room. She knew the slime was supposed to stay in her space.
Sounds to me like she did it on purpose to try to push your boundaries. You held firm. It's not like you cancelled the vacation or called her a name or kicked them out of your life. Actions, consequences. 'Nuff said.