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'AITA for wanting my stepdaughter's friend to go home after 4 days? My husband is mad.'

'AITA for wanting my stepdaughter's friend to go home after 4 days? My husband is mad.'


"AITA for wanting my stepdaughter's friend to go home?"

So my (16f) stepdaughter has had her friend over for four days. I wasn’t even consulted about the length of her stay in the first place. I asked my husband on the third day, when is she going home? He said tomorrow maybe I don’t know. So the fourth day comes around and I asked him again. He says I don’t know I will have to ask my daughter.

I just simply say to him that I would like her to go now it’s been 4 days. I feel like it’s been a long enough stay and that she should go. He said that it’s up to his daughter when she leaves. I said no it is up to us, the parents. So he leaves to the garage and I go about my day. He comes back in less than 5 minutes to argue with me about it. I just say I’ve had enough of the visit and that 4 days is enough.

We argue for like 5 minutes and he leaves for at least 2-2.5 hours. So I out for a walk in the conservation area near our home and he comes to find me to tell me that the girl overheard our conversation and left in a taxi when his daughter got home from work.

Both of my stepdaughters have been going back and forth to work for at least 3 of the days that the friend has been here. So now my husband won’t have anything to do with me.

The internet jumped on with all of the thoughts.

sheburn118 wrote:

Not the same, but similar. My son had a friend, Tyler, from a sports team that stayed with us a lot. I really didn't mind because he kept my son occupied and he was very easy and zero maintenance, unlike my son! Ate anything I served, was polite and respectful and they would hang out in the basement and play video games. This was junior high age in the summers and holidays.

Tyler's mom was a friend of mine and he was the youngest of four boys. There was always some kind of drama revolving around one or two of his brothers and I honestly feel that his parents just kind of forgot about him. His dad was just starting his own business and mom was involved with it and I think they were relieved they didn't have to worry about him.

I would ask when his folks wanted him home and he'd say he didn't know. So he stayed. I think a week was the longest. My son Mike stayed at Tyler's place one night and there were no sheets on his bed and a big hole in the middle of his mattress.

The hardwood floors were covered in drifts of fur from their two large dogs. So I kind of understood why Tyler was good sleeping on an air mattress in a finished basement. The boys ended up going to different high schools and drifted apart. But I do know Tyler's doing well and married, and I hope he's happy.

IndependentMethod312 wrote:

ESH - why didn’t you talk to your stepdaughter? And the friend? Find out what their plans were, why she was staying so long etc. You knew your husband wouldn’t know because he lets her do as she wishes.

If her friend had an issue at home then you could help them possibly and if everything was fine at her house you could have suggested they both stay at hers for awhile. I understand not wanting a long-term guest when you were consulted but there was a better way to deal with it.

bamf1701 wrote:

NTA. You really should have been consulted about this, considering that this is your home as well. And if the duration of the visit were going to be left to your step-daughter, you should have been consulted on that decision as well.

I'm not very impressed with your husband's conflict resolution skills - he avoids the issue, then when he finally has to talk to you about it, he argues with you about it, then leaves the house for hours at a time and refuses to talk to you when he comes back.

Now, if this friend was staying with you because she was in a dangerous situation at home, that should have been discussed with you as well - after all, it would have been relevant information you would have needed to make your decision.

Jmm1272 wrote:

NTA and she was staying there even when your daughter wasn’t home? That’s weird! All visitors’ plans should be made with parents' full knowledge and approval.

OP is NTA here, neither is the teen girl, but it does seem like communication was not a strong suit in this situation.

Sources: Reddit
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