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'AITA for wanting my stepdaughter's friend to go home?'

'AITA for wanting my stepdaughter's friend to go home?'

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"AITA for wanting my stepdaughter's friend to go home?"

So my (16f) stepdaughter has had her friend over for four days. I wasn’t even consulted about the length of her stay in the first place. I asked my husband on the third day, when is she going home? He said tomorrow maybe I don’t know. So the fourth day comes around and I asked him again. He says I don’t know I will have to ask my daughter.

I just simply say to him that I would like her to go now it’s been 4 days. I feel like it’s been a long enough stay and that she should go. He said that it’s up to his daughter when she leaves. I said no it is up to us, the parents. So he leaves to the garage and I go about my day. He comes back in less than 5 minutes to argue with me about it. I just say I’ve had enough of the visit and that 4 days is enough.

We argue for like 5 minutes and he leaves for at least 2-2.5 hours. So I out for a walk in the conservation area near our home and he comes to find me to tell me that the girl overheard our conversation and left in a taxi when his daughter got home from work.

Both of my stepdaughters have been going back and forth to work for at least 3 of the days that the friend has been here. So now my husband won’t have anything to do with me.

In response to a comment OP added some details:

So here is some back story for you. My husband is from another country and we brought his 3 daughters to live with us around the same time he became a permanent resident. He has been living in this country for 8 months and back in his home country for 4 months on going for 14 years.

He has a very hard time saying no to his daughters. He feels he should give them what ever they want. He is getting better, but it is slow going. As for me going to talk to her, that would be worse because she has no respect.

The internet jumped on with all of the thoughts.

So you've been in their lives for fourteen years, and the stepdaughter who doesn't respect you is sixteen? You're more of a mother to her than her own then, aren't you? Any respect you don't have, after all this time, is status quo

It sucks, and I'm not saying it's right at all. But if it's been like this for more than a decade and you're not happy, it's on you for staying this long.

Have you ever met a teenager?

OP responded:

I met the girls a few years ago. Him and I have been married for 2 years. The girls have been here with us for 1.5 years. The soon to be 17 year old has been trouble since she was still with her mom at 12. Does and says what she pleases. We agreed on bringing her here because we know she will have a better life then in Jamaica.

IndependentMethod312 wrote:

ESH - why didn’t you talk to your stepdaughter? And the friend? Find out what their plans were, why she was staying so long etc. You knew your husband wouldn’t know because he lets her do as she wishes.

If her friend had an issue at home then you could help them possibly and if everything was fine at her house you could have suggested they both stay at hers for awhile. I understand not wanting a long-term guest when you were consulted but there was a better way to deal with it.

bamf1701 wrote:

NTA. You really should have been consulted about this, considering that this is your home as well. And if the duration of the visit were going to be left to your step-daughter, you should have been consulted on that decision as well.

I'm not very impressed with your husband's conflict resolution skills - he avoids the issue, then when he finally has to talk to you about it, he argues with you about it, then leaves the house for hours at a time and refuses to talk to you when he comes back.

Now, if this friend was staying with you because she was in a dangerous situation at home, that should have been discussed with you as well - after all, it would have been relevant information you would have needed to make your decision.

Jmm1272 wrote:

NTA and she was staying there even when your daughter wasn’t home? That’s weird! All visitors’ plans should be made with parents' full knowledge and approval.

Sources: Reddit
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