'AITA for leaving the table after what my FIL said?'
"AITA for leaving the table after what my FIL said?"
My (26F) husband (29M) and I were invited at my ILs for dinner yesterday. Everything was going great until my MIL brought up my husband’s "player" phase in high school. My MIL was just jokingly being like "Honestly, him in high school, I’d never thought he’d actually settle down with somebody" and my FIL was like "Yeah, even less with someone like you." I asked him what he meant by that.
Both my MIL and husband were then like "Please, no" in a "oh he’s gonna f#$k up" way. My FIL said "Well you weren’t exactly his type in high school, you know?" My husband tried to make him stop after that but my FIL added "Not saying you weren’t pretty enough or anything like that, you just wouldn’t have caught his eyes."
I got up from the table and went to the bathroom. I was not even in there for 5 minutes before my husband knocked and told me we were leaving. Once we were home, my husband received a text from his mom saying that my reaction was childish and disrespectful and that we wouldn’t be invited again until I apologized.
My husband replied that I’d only apologize if my FIL apologized first. He didn’t get an answer but his sister texted me that I needed to apologize ASAP because I was putting my husband’s relationship with his parents at risk over a misunderstanding.
People had a lot of thoughts about the situation.
Top-Necessary5003 wrote:
NTA. There was no misunderstanding. I guess you'll just have to find a way to make it through life without invites from your in-laws.
throwra_ILsdinner OP responded:
It personally wouldn’t bother me that much but it’s my husband I worry about, I fear it’s only gonna hurt him in the long term.
uTop-Artichoke5020 wrote:
WHAT MISUNDERSTANDING? The only reason your husband's relationship with his parents is in jeopardy is because his father is obnoxious. You owe no one an apology. You didn't even ask to leave, you just removed yourself from the table. Your husband (rightfully) too care of everything with his parents and took you home.
I suppose you could say you are sorry that you were unable to hide how hurtful FIL's offensive, insensitive, insulting remarks were. Personally, I admire your restraint!
NTA!
MojotheCat13 wrote:
Pops put his foot in his mouth past his knee cap, now MIL wants you to apologize for Pops jerk-@$$ statement to make everything nice again. NTA.
Yellow_Submarine8891 wrote:
NTA. First off, your husband is a keeper. I'm happy that he stood by your side. As for apologizing, why should you apologize when you're the one who was insulted? Your FIL should have kept his mouth shut. Do not apologize for anything. Your FIL should apologize to you since he was the one who decided to be an @$$.
eclectic-up-north wrote:
My 2 cents: Tell your husband that it is okay he had a slutty phase in school and that he got loads of dates with conventionally attractive women.
Tell him you really appreciate him standing up for you. Tell him that you will not see his father until the father publicly apologizes for physically comparing you to hubby's past lovers. Tell your husband you love him.
Yeah, I can agree with that. From the context, I assume that his tone indicated he thought it was a bad thing or he's given you reason to believe he doesn't like you? But I'm basing that on your reaction when maybe I should be asking about what your relationship has been like with him?
Has he given you the impression that he doesn't think you're a great partner or he doesn't think much of you? That's the filter I'm giving him based on your post, but I'm trying to pull back on that and focus on what was actually said. And has your husband's "player past" never come up before or is this a constant insinuation but the first time your FIL has ever put anything into words about it?
throwra_ILsdinner OP responded:
I think he just doesn’t care about me, when we see each other, I’m mostly talking my MIL, if we have conversations he keeps them short, maybe that’s just how he is to be honest so I don’t necessarily take that in a he doesn’t like me way.
I don’t really know how to describe his tone honestly,he was saying them in a way that would soften the blow, you know? I don’t know how to describe it but it didn’t felt like a "you were too good for him" or whatever