Woman plans family vacation, in-laws invite themselves, SIL calls to guilt her. UPDATED 3X.

It can be really hard to set boundaries with extended family, especially when they push for a yes even after you've said no.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for not wanting to spend her entire vacation with her husband's family. She wrote:

"AITA for not wanting to spend the entire vacation sun up to sun down with my husband’s family?"

My husband and I were planning a vacation for us and our 2 kids. We’ll be gone for 8 days in the summer. We’ve saved for this trip for years and were super excited. This place is about 3 hours away from my husband’s family. They invited us to spend some days with them. However, from the start, I said I wanted alone time with just the 4 of us. With the kids getting older, we don’t get a lot of time with them.

We don’t have the money to travel often. I suggested 3-4 days with his family, then we’d go to the actual vacation spot. I also set the boundary we’d stay in a hotel. They all seemed to agree. Then out of nowhere, my husband’s family decided to go to our vacation spot for the full 8 days. That’s when the hints began that we all get a house to rent. I said no.

I love my husband’s family but it’d just be too much and I wanted time just us. We don’t need to be around each other 24/7. After that, my SIL started making plans for all 8 days that included us. I put my foot down to my husband and said no. We could spend 4 days with his family, maybe 5. But I wanted just a few just us. We never get to go on vacation.

And his family visits once or twice a year so it’s not like we don’t see them. My husband says I’ve hurt his family’s feelings. When I spoke to my SIL she said I should understand why it hurts I won’t spend the entire time with them. I asked how they’d feel if they planned a trip and we tried to change the plan. She said family does this stuff for each other.

Now, I’m already dreading the trip and wonder if I’m being over dramatic and should just give in to avoid drama. AITA?

The comments came flowing in.

camebacklate wrote:

NTA my in-laws did this. It ruined the entire vacation. If I were you, I would book the hotel and let them know that accommodations have already been made.

OP responded:

Oh, we already have the air b&b booked. And I made sure to get one that’s non-refundable so we can’t be guilted into staying with them.

FlyingDutchLady wrote:

NTA. Your SIL is allowed to be hurt, but that doesn’t mean you have to spend 8 days in a house with her. Just because someone experiences an emotion, that doesn’t mean everyone in their lives has to accommodate it. You will be frustrated and sad if you don’t get a few days with just your family, but your in-laws don’t care about that.

Your feelings are not resonating for them, so why should their feelings dictate your vacation.

“We are all looking forward to spending some time with you during our vacation. We will be staying in our own accommodations and spending Monday through Thursday as a family. I understand you’re disappointed that we aren’t staying in a shared house, but I hope you can set that aside so that our time together is pleasant.”

DelurkingtoComment wrote:

NTA why does your husband care more about his sister’s feelings than yours? Your offer was more than reasonable. Hold your ground and tell your husband to get his head out of his a$$.

JeepersCreepers74 wrote:

NTA. It's always an AH move to hijack someone else's vacation and then change all the plans around. If you wanted to spend the whole time with them, you would have either (a) planned your vacation around visiting them--where they live would be the destination, or (b) invited them to join you from the start.

This is no different than someone who invites themselves to a party, etc., it's just plain rude and not what "family does."

After receiving a lot of support, OP jumped on with a few updates.

Edit: As it’s already been asked: we chose this spot because it’s somewhere our kids have always wanted to go. Of course we can’t give them everything they want in life, but now we can finally afford it. As I said, we never get to vacation and I wanted to give this to them.

Edit 2: We can’t cancel/change dates as we put down non-refundable deposits.

Edit 3: I understand that it is Reddit and people expect the craziest things to happen. I understand the concern that my husband would give them the address to the Air B&B and they’d just show up to intrude on our “off days.” However, knowing them, they aren’t the type to do this.

They will respect the actual boundary but then you’ll hear about it for the next 5 years. I am positive that they won’t intrude on our “off days.” I’m sure people will call me naïve, but my husband and I have been married 20 years. I know his family. This is how they are.

OP is definitely NTA here, her in-laws need to respect the alone time for the family.