Woman asks if she's wrong to prioritize orphaned nephews over fiancés kids.
In a post on Reddit a woman asked if she's wrong to prioritize her blood relatives over family she's going to marry in to. Here's her story.
'AITA for choosing my nephews over my SO's kids?'
I (28F) bought a house two years ago, its a very spacious place (4bd, 3 baths and a bigass garden) that I've been remodeling and making my own. My fiancé and I have been dating for 4 years, he (32M) has 2 kids from a previous marriage (8M and 6F) that are really good kids.
On top of that, I have 2 nephews (my sister's kids) that I absolutely adore and love with my full heart (5M and 3M).
Now, my fiancé and I have been talking about moving in together for about 1-2 years, but with the purchase and several custody fights he has had with his ex, it has been difficult.
He and the kids were supposed to be moving at the end of this year or the beginning of the next, but sadly, my sister and her husband passed away 2 months ago and my nephews were left alone. I knew I'd be ask to take them in, and I was 100% sure that I wanted to because I love them and I wasn't willing to let them go in the system, but I talked to my fiancé first.
While he wanted me to take the boys too, he didn't like that hey had ''priority'' over his kids, since I currently have 4 bedrooms, two kids would've to share and I was against it no matter whom they were because I don't like the idea of cramping small kids in a room, he said it was okay, that MY nephews could share a room and HIS kids could have the other two.
I said hell no, then he didn't like when I offered for us to move to the basement so the all of the kids could have the rooms with the idea of my 5M having my room, because since his boy is oldest, ''he should have it'' and a very few more incident.
Ultimately, as selfish as it was, I decided it was my house and I'll do what's best for my nephews and due to his lack of empathy, we were no longer moving in together and that we could either plan to add 2 or 3 more bedrooms to the house AFTER we marry, or he could go, because my nephews needed me more right now. So I moved them in, decorated their bedrooms as they like and called it a day.
I'm still getting texts from him and his family (we haven't broken up) about how ''I could've made it work'' because those kids see me as a mother figure (which is true) and I abandoned them to accommodate my nephews (which is also true, sorta). He called me an AH so... IDK?
From the comments:
Plus-Midnight9507 asks:
Would his children be living with you full time if you moved in together? Isn't the mom in the picture?
throw_895567away OP responded:
She is, she has them 30% of the time.
supermousee says:
How are the custody agreements with his kids? If its 50/50 or him having them fulltime I see his point in having the kids their own bedroom.
Having said that your nephews need their own bedrooms too and a safe space for their own. I think its BS that his son needs the biggest room. Your solution for making the basement the master bedroom sounds perfect and everyone has its own room. Why doesn't he want that?
Nta and you are wonderful for caring for your nephews! Im so sorry for your lost.
throw_895567away OP responded:
The custody is 70/30 favoring him. I have my nephews full time. He thinks is shameful for us as the parents to sleep there.
BookReader1328 says:
NTA - Red flags all over here. He actually thinks deproteinizing two very young kids who just lost their parents is the right way to go? My guess is he will always think his kids should be #1. Cut him loose.
Dashcamkitty says:
And this bedroom situation would just be the start, I bet. He'd have let his own kids do what they want and always be prioritised over the nephews.
imhere4blkpeople says:
So his kids are not an equal priority to you and neither are your nephews to him? Everyone loses if you two stay together. ESH.
waititserin says:
in this situation, her nephews have more priority over his kids.
Sad story, but maybe better to get this kind of thing sorted out before they're married?