Woman takes back promise to pay for sister's wedding dress after she makes fun of her career.

Ideally, we shouldn't reward bad behavior. But withholding from someone who is entitled can be harder than it sounds.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for refusing to pay for her sister's wedding dress after she insulted her career. She wrote:

"AITA for refusing to pay for my sister’s wedding dress when she insulted my career?"

I (28F) am a self-taught graphic designer and have worked hard to build my career. My sister (25F), on the other hand, has always been critical of my job, calling it a ‘hobby’ and not a ‘real job.' Our parents passed away a few years ago, and I’ve been more of a parental figure to her since then. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I’ve always tried to support her.

Recently, she got engaged and was over the moon about planning her wedding. She found her dream dress, but it was way out of her budget. Knowing I’ve saved a bit, she asked if I could pay for it as her wedding gift. I agreed because I wanted her to be happy. However, a few days ago, we had a family gathering where she introduced her fiancé to our extended family.

During the dinner, she made a snide remark about my career, implying that I was still ‘playing with my computer’ while others had real jobs. I was hurt and confronted her later. Things escalated, and I told her that if she didn’t respect my career, she shouldn’t expect me to fund her wedding dress with the money I earned from it. She accused me of ruining her wedding and being petty.

I’m torn. I want to support her, but I also feel disrespected. AITA?

Redditors jumped in with comments with all of their thoughts.

cph311 wrote:

NTA. It would be a lovely gesture to pay for her dress, but it's not your responsibility. It would be the type of generous gesture reserved for people who treat you with respect. I would probably ask your sister something along the lines of, "Do you really want your wedding dress paid for with the money form my illegitimate career?"

"It would be a permanent emotional stain on your dress, and I wouldn't want you to regret that down the line."

She's not cool with what you do but wants the money you make doing it. I think she'd do well to live within her means and not to bite the hand that feeds her.

ETA: She ruined her own wedding, and you had nothing to do with it. First by thinking a dress can ruin a wedding (celebrating a union with her life partner who she loves should be the focus), and Second by the aforementioned snobbery/greed.

Edit 2: I feel the need to point out OP is a woman (28F) because people are misgendering her in the reply chain to this post.

Sirius_z wrote:

NTA. So she wants you to be her ATM and also wants to disrespect you, not just in private but in front of family and her in-laws? Whatever grievance she has with you or your choice of career she first needs to learn to address it just with you, behind closed doors.

I'm sorry to say this but your sister is entitled and you don't owe her anything. She doesn't like your job but she wants to spend your money from that job. Yes, paying for her wedding dress would be an extraordinary generous wedding gift but she's not entitled to it.

Trevena_Ice wrote:

NTA. And I don't get why the argument 'you are petty' should just stop your side of the argument. Tell her 'I love you, but I also work and have a real job. So yes, I'm petty. And you stop insulting my career (or apologise for the comment) and then we move forward and forget this.

But if you are not willing to see that I do have a job - sorry than I'm unemployed in your eyes and don't have any money to spend on a wedding.'

Over_Knee_7026 wrote:

NTA. Your sister is a moron, not just for biting the hand that was about to buy her a beautiful wedding dress but also for making meaningless judgments about a career she clearly knows nothing about.

Clearly, OP is NTA here, but her sister is being an entitled AH.