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Woman asks if she went too far in punishing sister who hooked up with her BF.

Woman asks if she went too far in punishing sister who hooked up with her BF.


Finding out your partner is cheating is bad enough. But to find out they were cheating with your own sibling?! That's a double betrayal. The need for revenge is totally understandable in this situation—but how far is too far when it comes to punishing a sibling for this type of crime?

A woman shared her story on Reddit about the extreme lengths she and her family went to punish her younger sister after learning that she had been hooking up with her boyfriend of three years.

The woman, who is 20, says she and her boyfriend 'John' had been dating for about three years and were living together. Her 19-year-old sister lived at home with their parents and worked for the family business.

So, I’ve (F20) had a boyfriend, let’s call him John, John (M20) and i started dating when we were 17. I have a big family, I have my mom (F53) my dad (M55) my older twin sisters that are 34, and my younger sister (F19). My sisters both have husbands and kids and my younger sister lives at home and works for the family business. I live in a condo with boyfriend. He’s always been close with my family.

Two weeks ago, she discovered evidence on John's phone that he had been cheating on her...with her little sister.

Around 2 weeks ago i was ordering post mates on my boyfriends phone and he got a message from my younger sister. I was feeling nosy and opened up their message thread. For 2 months they’ve been hooking up and sending nudes.

She took screenshots of their texts, including nudes, which she sent to her parents and older sisters. They were 'disgusted.'

In that moment i flipped out and took screenshots, i sent them to myself and deleted the evidence. I acted like nothing happened and luckily the next day John was gonna go visit his mom in another state. The next day after he left to drive to his mom i sent them to my mom, my dad and both my other sisters. My whole family was disgusted.

She immediately left the home she shared with John and moved in with her parents. By the time she arrived, her parents had kicked the sister out and yelled at her. And the dad fired her.

That day i left the condo because it’s in his name so i didn’t have any commitment legally to it. Then my sisters husbands helped move me into my parents house. It all happened in a day and when my sister got to my parents house all her stuff was outside the house. She tried coming in and my dad went outside and started screaming at her.

My other sisters both went outside and they all yelled at her, and told her that she was a disappointment to the family. My dad fired her on the spot. (My older sisters husband is a lawyer so he gave my dad some legal advice on how to cover himself) He told her to get lost. She was crying and i came outside, i threw the condo keys at her and told her to go move in with my boyfriend since they’re so close.

I told her i knew everything. Before she could say anything i went inside. There was some more yelling for about 20 minutes and my dad came in, he said my older sisters had to leave and we watched movies.

The disgraced sister has been trying to contact everyone in the family, and has twice been 'escorted off' their property. She was temporarily living with John, who has since kicked her out. She is now 'essentially homeless and jobless.'

I sent the screenshots to my boyfriend and blocked him. Over the past two weeks my sister has been trying to contact everyone. She had to be escorted off my parents property 2 times already. I heard from my friend my boyfriend got home two days ago and say my sister had been living at his house, he kicked her out and has been trying to contact me.

She is essentially homeless and jobless and i don’t know or care what’s happening to her right now. I haven’t had to go to work since the issue that’s happening in the world.

The woman's family has supported her decision to effectively 'ruin' her sister's life, but her friends think she went too far.

My family is completely behind me but my friends are saying i shouldn’t have done all that to my younger sister. The way i see it she deserved it. So, AITA?

So she asked 'Am I The A**hole?' Or did her sister deserve this?

Commenters are divided, and passionately so. Many feel strongly that this punishment is fair and the sister deserves what she got.

jhende15 writes:

NTA at all. She made a shitty decision, she has to live with the consequences.

Gracelandrocks writes:

She's not a child. She's old enough to be tried as an adult in a court of law and old enough to know that her sister's bf is out of bounds. OP and her other sisters will never be able to trust this sister again. Would the other sisters want this one around their husbands? Would any of the sister's friends?

This is one instance where I don't hold the BF as accountable as the OW. You trust that family will have your back and you trust that your family will consider your SO as their brother in law, not random tinder guy. I'm always seeing stories like these end in family insisting OP forgive the sister/brother because faaammmilly.

I am very glad to see that in this case, they're supporting OP. When tempers die down and the betrayal isn't as raw, they'll probably take her back. NTA.

And longhorn29 writes:

I agree. True family is suppose to always be people you trust, who you trust will only ever want to raise you up and help you grow and want what's best for you. What she did was disgusting and broke that familial trust. I also hate it when the family wants you to forgive sibling that slept with your SO.

If anything that just makes it worse. You know they are in a relationship with your sibling and you still sleep with them for an extended of time too. Not a one time thing. They could have stopped anytime or just not even begin but they didn't. She didn't. Again, what she did was disgusting and despicable. NTA.

While others point out that becoming homeless, jobless, and family-less is not fair punishment for sleeping with a sibling's partner.

beatissima writes:

The consequences for the man who cheated on his girlfriend: getting dumped by the girlfriend he cheated on. The consequences for the woman he cheated with: unemployment, homelessness, disownment, and possible death in a pandemic. Something is definitely wrong with this picture.

BigMeaning0 agrees:

I'll bite on this. The sister royally messed up, everyone can agree she is in the wrong here. That said, OPs actions have cost her sister her home, job, family, and likely any support. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, much less my sister/family. I understand being angry, but this type of destruction will result in the sister absolutely leaving her 'family' and never speaking to any of you again.

Sure, she ruined your relationship, but to someone so inconsiderate that they were willing to cheat with OPs sister. In short, the relationship was doomed and that is as much on the bf as the sister. This will cost OP and her whole family their sister, who now has to try to repair her life without any emotional support or guidance.

Once she gets back together (hopefully this doesn't push into mental illness, drugs, or a full mental breakdown), I would absolutely cut all contact with OP and the rest of my supposed family. The family is bad here and will come to regret this scorched earth approach to parenting.

emmany63 writes:

I have never slept with another person’s partner. And I’m not young. I also have 2 sisters. Family comes first. I’d be HELLISHLY angry. I’d scream at her for years. But I would ALSO know that my now ex-boyfriend was sleeping with my younger sister, and a good part of this is on him.

I’ve been cheated on. I know what it feels like and how horrible it is. But I didn’t ruin the life of the person who was sleeping with my ex, and I wouldn’t ruin my own sister’s life. Hate is self-poison, and ruining your sister’s life won’t get you your relationship back. He’s a cheater, and HE’S the one who promised her monogamy.

herbwannabe finds the family's extreme response 'shocking':

Im shocked at the parents response. That sounds more like what op wished happened than what most parents would actually do.

Others think 'everyone sucks here.' The sister messed up. The boyfriend messed up. And the family messed up with their response.

Chairchucker breaks it down:

ESH. OK maybe that seems harsh. You're absolutely correct to be mad at both your sister and your ex. (He is your ex now, right?) And in a sense she does deserve it. But I kinda think in a few years or whatever you might regret going completely nuclear on someone who is still practically a child and made a series of really dumb and selfish decisions.

I don't really blame you or your family for cutting her off and kicking her out, but I also kinda think you shouldn't nonetheless. It's Complicated I guess.

EDIT: Update since there's a lot of replies that I'm not going to reply to. IMO, order of assholeness: Ex

Younger Sister (I mean these two could be interchangeable I guess, I just think he's slightly more of an asshole because he's the one cheating on her, and then kicking the sister out of his condo, so he's screwed both of them over.)

Dad (Substantially lower down on the chain. Correct to be angry and a punishment was warranted, I'm just not sure that sacking her and kicking her out, especially given the current climate, was the right way to go.)

The rest of the family. (For apparently excommunicating her and probs helping her dump her stuff. Dad's just slightly higher up because he's the one in charge of her employment I guess. Again, right to be angry, I just don't think this response was the way to go.)

OP. (Substantially lower, and significantly more understandable. I think dropping the whole thing into a group chat was a little more indiscreet than was necessary. Totally understandable, but unnecessary. Also, the apparent uncaringness of the fact that her sister is unemployed and homeless.)

I think the actions of everyone (apart from the ex and the younger sister) are completely understandable, and in the heat of the moment, quite possibly what a lot of us, myself possibly included, would've done. I mean, probs not me, but not because I'm morally superior, more because I don't tend to be as assertive as OP was.

But I know that I've done plenty of things that, while they felt justified (and even satisfying) at the time, in retrospect I felt I shouldn't have done.

IMO, doing something to hurt someone because they hurt you (or someone close to you) first, much as it might feel justified, much as the other person may have 'had it coming', is nonetheless an action that comes from our selfish, or 'asshole' nature.

sukinsyn agrees:

I agree with ESH. The younger sister is terrible, obviously, and so is the boyfriend. I think it's pretty terrible that the parents are disowning their daughter over this, though, and I think OP is blaming the sister 100% when it is 50% her ex's fault.

The daughter is jobless and homeless overnight and I guess, if I were a parent, you wouldn't want to see your child in that position. Having her move out, I understand (except... isn't she technically a tenant allowed 30 days to find a new place) but firing her seems excessive.

I'm Team This Family Needs to Calm the F*ck Down. The sister did a bad thing, sure. But they're treating her like a murderer?! To me this is like chopping off someone's hand for stealing cookies (and I LOVE cookies). What do you think?

Sources: Reddit
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