'AITA for not splitting my trust fund with my pregnant half-sister?'
"AITA for not splitting my trust fund with my pregnant half-sister?"
I (F23) have a half-sister, Kylie (21), who is the product of one of my dad's affairs. Her birth resulted in my parents splitting up. Mum remarried two years later, and my dad moved away shortly after the split and wasn't really a part of my life.
I always knew about Kylie but I only met her when I was 16 through my father, and while we saw each other a few times over the next few years, we never developed a relationship.
For most of the past two decades, my father has been a gambler. He never had much of a stable income, and definitely not a stable lifestyle. Because of this, my grandparents fulfilled all the financial stipulations in his divorce.
They paid for my education, paid child support to my mother, and set up a trust fund which I got when I was 21. This was all an unofficial arrangement, and they did not do this for Kylie. I met my fiancé at 19, so I have never used any of the money in the trust fund.
Two weeks ago, I was at my dad's for dinner (we live in the same city) and he said that Kylie had asked for my phone number. I said it was okay to give it to her. My dad also mentioned that Kylie is now pregnant.
A few days after this I got a call from Kylie. She explained that she is working a minimum wage job and living in accommodation that will be unsuitable when she gives birth. She said that since I had a trust fund that she also should have got, I should split it with her so that her child doesn't have go through what she did.
I was totally blindsided by this and said I would think about it. She called me every day after that, saying how she had a lot of expenses now she was pregnant and guilt-tripping me saying the family owes her.
I talked to my grandfather and he said while it's my money, he thinks I'd be an idiot to hand out large sums of money to someone I don't know and who only wants to know me because she wants money.
Ultimately I felt he was right and told Kylie I wouldn't be splitting the money with her. She started screaming at me, calling me selfish and spoiled, and basically dumped 20 years of trauma at my door because I had the audacity to be born. She also said it will be my fault if something happens to her baby or if he/she grows up poor. I hung up the phone and cried.
My grandparents and fiancé say I've done the right thing. My dad said he's offered to give Kylie some money, but he doesn't have access to the kind of money in the trust fund, but he says I'm not to blame and that Kylie isn't my responsibility.
That said, the things she said about her life and about her child's future were so awful I can't stop thinking about it. I don't think I'm the AH for not wanting to give huge amounts of money to a virtual stranger, especially one who was so demanding and rude to me, but I also don't like to think I'm punishing an innocent unborn child for who their mother is. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Your father is an AH. You didn’t say, are these grandparents your paternal ones? So your father’s parents? In which case, I’d say THEY are AHs for treating the children differently, but if they are your mother parents, they certainly did it to protect their child and grandchild. Your half-sister is being entitled and mooching.
NTA you don’t owe her money. What happened and the circumstances she grew up in has nothing to do with either of you. It sucks but it’s the way life is. But also INFO: are the grandparents that supported you your dads parents or your moms?
ETA: apparently they are paternal grandparents. OP you’re NTA but your grandparents are TA. They should’ve helped her. Even if they don’t like their son, she was innocent in all of this.
NTA. Everything your grandfather said is true - you don’t know her, you never met her, she’s only reaching out because she sees you as an ATM. Her dysfunction isn’t your problem or responsibility.
And BTW - that money would never have been hers; your grandparents set it up for you because of the divorce. It was never ever intended to cover other siblings, just you. QUESTION: how did she even find out about it?
Are you going to help all the babies around your city? You have just as great a relationship with them as this baby. Do you feel guilt about all of them or is it just because technically you're family? That really means nothing in this case.
I mean, you’ve decided not to give it to her on principle, which is fine, that’s your principle. But you’ve said yourself that you haven’t touched it, so I guess you are not relying on it. I guess the question is which principle is more important to you, not giving money to a stranger, or helping people in need when you can?