Kids are expensive when you're planning for them. So it's a no-brainer that they can pose a major financial challenge when you haven't been budgeting for them. This applies exponentially if you're footing the bill for someone else's kid.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for refusing to resign a lease unless her sister gets an abortion. She wrote:
I (23F) have an Irish twin (24F). We’ve been living together for two years. She is a single mom of a toddler. When we first moved in together the apartment was only in her name and she let me live with her. I was finishing dental assisting school and couldn’t qualify for an apartment on my own. I still paid half the rent and utilities.
After graduating and getting a job I became an official added roommate to the lease last year. I make a lot of money for my age so when my sister was struggling to pay her half of the rent when her job cut her hours significantly it was a no brainer to start paying more. I could easily afford all the rent so covering another 25% is nothing.
Plus I love her and my niece. My sister has no help whatsoever from the father so I help her as much as I can. He works under the table so he doesn't get his wages garnished for child support. I have watched her struggle to afford daycare and food for her baby so I also help her with that. Two days ago my sister sits me down and tells me she has news. She’s pregnant.
My jaw dropped. I ask who the dad is and she starts crying. I didn’t expect her to say her deadbeat baby daddy. I was shocked and she continued on her “explanation”: she saw a girl commenting under his posts and she went on her page and saw they had taken pictures at the same place at the same time.
The girl also posted him for his birthday weeks later saying “happy birthday to my fiance”. She messaged her letting her know hes a deadbeat and got blocked.
Then her baby daddy called her saying shes a crazy b#$ch and that led to them getting a hotel room and they slept with each other…all to prove some point to his fiance that he's not loyal and she can have him whenever she wants because she sent her proof after they slept together but the fiance stayed with him…
As she’s telling me this story I just sit there upset. I started asking her if she went to the doctor and how far along is she. She said she did stop by PP and got a scan, she's nine weeks. We live in a blue state so abortion is legal here. I told my sister that I wasn't going to be resigning the lease unless she got an abortion. She looked at me with so much disgust and started crying harder.
She called me an evil b#$ch and said I'm a horrible person for making her choose between her baby or having housing. I told her with her hours now she can't afford even half the rent let alone the daycare she splits between me, our dad, and aunt so to understand the position she’s putting me in since the responsibility is falling on me.
She told our family and they’re pissed saying I'm being heartless to even ask her that and that I shouldn’t punish her and if I should sign at least 6 months so she can get her s#$t together since 5 weeks isn't alot of time. I said no, she’s ungrateful for all the help I've done so I'm out. They’re saying I'm an AH since when I didn’t qualify she let me live with her (even though I paid half).
"I shouldn’t punish her and I should sign at least 6 months."
NTA. I hate when family tries to spend other family members money. Tell your family that they can co-sign for your sister and pitch in on the rent since they are so adamant about it. You aren't forcing your sister to get an abortion, you just aren't going to live with her if she has another kid. The kids are not your responsibility and you should not have to take care of them.
Deadbeat dad's future wife should know that if he cannot afford child support, they will get it out of her wages. When they get married, the courts take into consideration the household income, so she will be on the hook for both kids (if in the US).
NTA. Your message might have gone down a little easier if you just said you would not continue to support rather than abort or no support (even if it is essentially the same message), but you are under no obligation to support someone who repeatedly makes poor choices and bad decisions.
If she has this baby whose to say she won’t stupidly sleep bc with the jerk again in a couple of years and make baby #3. She doesn’t sound intelligent enough to be a good mother.
Well, this is messy. My first thought is that a lot of people have to choose between housing and having a baby. Most of us do it before pregnancy but that doesn't matter here. What really bothers me is that your sister is not emotionally stable enough to raise children by herself: she had unprotected sex with a man to prove a point, and he's the same man who refuses to support a child he already has.
You may have been a bit harsh, but so is reality. I'm going to suggest that you point her to counseling ASAP, and then to court to get court-order child support. If he works under the table, they can still order him to pay. And ask her plainly, how does she plan to support two children? As any parent will tell you, they get more expensive later on.
You've been a good sister. You didn't have the right to issue an ultimatum, but you do have the right to decide where and how you live. You're well within your rights to say, "I do not want to live in a house with another baby, and I cannot spend more on you than I am already." I have a feeling that with all this going on in your life, you aren't saving as much as you should, and that will make you less secure later on.
Don't compromise on that. You're the only one who can do it. The way you handled this was flawed, but you're not the one bringing a child into the world that you cannot afford to feed. The cause of this mess is your sister. NTA.
Thank you for refusing to fund this train wreck. NTA.
NTA- your sister banged a deadbeat and has a toddler with him, then gets jealous that he’s with someone else and inserts herself into his life to show how scummy she really is, then gets knocked up again to prove a point that the deadbeat baby daddy isn’t worth anything to his fiancé?
OP, move out and stop supporting your sister. She’s obsessed with her baby daddy and needs some therapy. Like damn reading this reminded me of an episode of Jerry Springer.
OP is NTA here, she just laid down a difficult boundary in the form of a difficult truth.