Woman refuses to talk to depressed young half-sister, internet calls her 'heartless.'

Even the bonds of grief can't heal bad blood. Once the tension has hardened into estrangement, it's nearly impossible to reel things back into a warm relationship. And even if one person desires that reconnection, it always takes two to tango.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for not wanting to be there for her depressed half-sister. She wrote:

"AITA for not caring and refusing to help depressed half-sister after our father's death?"

I (60s) have two sisters (60s) and we were born from our father's first marriage. Unfortunately, our mother passed away when we were young, so our father was left all alone to take care of us and I admit it must have been difficult to do so, I mean, we were teenagers at that time.

Our father was an immigrant from Italy and saw the horrors of war firsthand but was always a good father and also a decent man. He married his second wife, the stepmother, and they stayed together until his death. Bear in mind the stepmother was the same age as us and so the relationship between was always strained.

Stepmother got pregnant and at that time concerns were raised because of their advanced age. Unfortunately, our father passed away fifteen years ago, my sisters and I were in our fifties, half-sister was only 12. She's now 27. I should mention that half-sister was absolutely the apple of our father's eye.

When he passed, I made it very clear that I didn't want anything to do with the stepmother and half-sister anymore, that all the ties were gone and so we were no contact for a couple years even though we lived in the same street. Stepmother took my half-sister out of school after his death, purposely ruining her daughter's life.

I know that my half-sister did not have the normal experience of growing up, she also lost her friends, she missed out on the experiences and I always knew it would come to this because stepmother is a terrible person. I recognize that I did have the privilege of keeping a normal life after a parent's death and while it is a shame that half-sister hasn't had the same chance, I choose not to intervene.

Fast forward a couple years, found out my half-sister got severe depression, hasn't finished her studies and is practically a doormat. Our father left each daughter a share in his estate, but half-sister was very irresponsible with hers. She tried to reach out to my sisters and I, saying her psychiatrist told her she "needed a support group," and said she's alone and can't count on anyone else.

She's going through a difficult time and wants to cut ties with her mother/our stepmother. She says she desperately needs someone. We tried to explain to her that a lot of time has passed, there's no bridge between us, and our father's already dead. As in, there's no bond anymore.

I got a call a couple of days ago from the psychiatrist (apparently she gave my number to him in case of an emergency), who's very worried about her. To put it bluntly, I told him to forget my number, to never contact me again and made it clear that I don't want anything to do with the stepmother and half-sister.

I also told him I will never forgive my half-sister for what she did to our father, destroying his legacy. AITA?

People did not hold back on OP one bit.

princessofIreland wrote:

YTA.

What “legacy?"

This girl has suffered pretty much her whole life and didn’t ask to be born. Yet.. you blame her for being born anyway. You’re probably right though to not be supportive of her because you’re not what she needs. Not at all. Strangers on the street would probably be kinder.

TheBigBluePit wrote:

OP, how can you be so heartless? What did your half-sister ever do to deserve such resentment from you and your sisters? She was a child when your father died and you were all, "Yup, dad is gone so SEE YA!" to your half-sister. WHY?! WHAT DID SHE DO?!

You're right, there is no bridge between you two BECAUSE YOU TORCHED IT FOR NO REASON! She's desperately trying to reach out to you because of the years and years of ab*se from your stepmother that YOU ABANDONED HER WITH! OP, you are heartless. You are absolutely without a doubt an AH. YTA.

Flowersons wrote:

Wow, YTA big time. Your half-sister was just a child when your father passed, and you turned your back on her because of your issues with your stepmother. She clearly had a troubled upbringing after his death, and now that she's reaching out for support, you're still refusing to help? Your resentment is misplaced.

She was 12 when he passed; she wasn't responsible for whatever happened with your stepmother or the legacy you're so hung up on. Your father's real legacy would've been love and unity, but you've chosen bitterness and anger instead. It doesn't matter how much time has passed; family is family. Shame on you.

hannahmontanaswig wrote:

Not ruling on this one. Just really hope this message reaches you. I say this with genuine care. As someone who also went through her 20s depressed and alone, the fact that you're saying she has "destroyed your father's legacy" because she is sad and lonely is one of the most depressing things I have ever heard.

If you truly believe your father would be disappointed that his daughter -- who you admit has had nobody but a horrible abusive mother to guide her for the last 15 years -- hasn't "pulled herself up by her bootstraps" yet or something...then frankly your father does not sound as great as you seem to think he was.

You can't pull up your bootstraps when nobody taught you how to put on boots in the first place. She is barefoot. And walking on broken glass.This girl did not ask to be born, and I understand you all did not ask to be her sisters. And technically, you're entitled to decide who is in your life.

But the amount of hate and vitriol you are dumping on this poor girl, when literally none of this is her fault... it makes me incredibly sad for her. You say you're never going to forgive her, but what has she actually done to you? Existed? This is just all around so hateful and sad. She reached out to you all, already knowing you didn't like her, and begged for your help anyways.

She must be in an incredibly low and lonely place in her life to be brave enough to do that. And to only be met with such hatred in return...it makes my stomach churn. I hope you and your other sisters can realize how misdirected your anger is, I hope this girl finds someone to be in her corner, even if it isn't you. Because it sounds like she could really use just a single friend. And she's only been met with hate.

You and your other sisters have always had each other. She has no one. And instead of putting the blame rightfully on your father, who actually made all of these choices, you have decided to idolize his memory and put all of the blame on this girl because it's easier. My heart absolutely breaks for her.

guardlamamama wrote:

YTA - she wants a non-abusive family member to talk to. Talk to this child, she has been abused since she was 12, ffs. I understand your resentment with your dad marrying someone your age, but this child is probably going to die without support, and she is down to someone who she knows resents her for emotional help.

OP is a giant AH and needs to take a serious look in the mirror.