She refused to give stepsister a single piece of deceased mom's art. Is she wrong?
Here's her story...
My parents got married straight out of high school, had me (25f) right away and then split up when I was 3. But they stayed close friends til the day my mother died. My dad remarried Ana when I was 7, she had a daughter Eve (22f). Then they had our brother Jake (16M) together.
Jake was really sick when he was a toddler so our parents spent a lot of time at the hospital with him and I spent a lot of time at my moms house. Eve’s dad worked weird hours so my mom was more than happy to take Eve too most of the time. She loved hanging out with kids.
My mom was a talented and passionate artist and she was determined to foster a love of art in us. And she did for both of us but Eve is far more talented than I am and her & my mom bonded over their shared love of painting.
My mother passed away suddenly this January. I was always extremely close with her and I was & still am completely devastated. I still can’t accept that she’s gone forever... I miss her so so much. In late April, I finally got up the spirit to start organizing her things.
Eve approached me after I mentioned that I was going to my mothers home to sort through some stuff and she asked me if she could look through my moms paintings and have a few as a keepsakes because my mother was such an inspiration for her.
I don’t want to & I refused. Not the paintings. I’m willing to give her clothes, jewelry, furniture, almost anything but the paintings and journals are closest things I have left to my mom. There’s pieces of her soul in there, it’s not just stuff. They’re the most personal items she left and I don't want to let a single one go.
Eve got really upset and said she didn’t care about any of the other things either and she didn’t think she was asking for that much. She said my mother was an important person in her life and that they had a strong relationship. Eve believes that if my mother would’ve left her something if she had the opportunity to decide.
I still said no and Eve went to her mom to complain and now my immediate family is torn on the issue and arguing when we see each other. My dad understands but thinks I can give up one or two.
And that I might change my mind in a couple years once the pain isn’t so fresh and I do think that could’ve happened before but Eve and Ana are pushing me so hard on it and being passive aggressive towards me and I feel completely different about them now. We all used to be close.
I understand she wasn’t a stranger to my mom but that’s just not enough to me. I think my own grief is bigger and to ask me for such a personal thing so soon after her death was insensitive.
And I’m ever more upset that they don’t even see the irony of Eve sending her own living mother after me for my dead moms stuff. My boyfriend wants me to just give her one and repair my family so I stop tormenting myself but I think I want to stand my ground here so AITA?
Here's what people had to say to her:
harleybidness writes:
NTA. The giving of gifts is an act of generosity. If you aren't feeling it, you should not give. Your choice, no matter what anyone else thinks or feels.
ay_of_f_sunshine writes:
I think this is more NAH then NTA. They're both grieving and grief does terrible things to people.
Editor's Note: NTA = Not the A**hole, NAH = No A**holes here.
TrixIx writes:
So, harassing a grieving daughter isn't AH behavior? Weird. Cuz, hard AH behavior in my book.
krafftgirl writes:
Agreed. She should have asked once then let it go. But instead she kept asking then brought in the whole family into the situation.
otaimmin writes:
Eve became TA the second she didn't let it go. And Ana the moment she decided to try to convince a grieving child to give up a memory of her mother.
HighwayTurbulent1714 writes:
Eve is sending her alive mother after someone who just lost theirs to try and get her way.
The NAHs are wild to me. Sending your own loving mother to get personal belongs from your grieving stepsister who just lost her mother, bring the family into it, turning this into an argument, all incredibly a**holey behavior.
Stepsis should be ashamed of herself. She asked and was answered firmly. She doesn’t get to harass op and send family after her.
hauntedfruit writes:
NTA, i ended up giving away a lot of my dads things to my brother and his friends out of guilt after he passed away and i regret it regularly.
though if you’re open to it, ask eve if she would be open to prints of the paintings you could make for her. maybe also communicate with her as you said in this post, that the wound is still fresh,and you’ll reconsider when time has passed.
CulturalAfternoon313 OP responded:
Prints are a really good idea that I hadn't considered. I don't know the first thing about it but I'll start looking into how possible it would be for me.