Woman refuses to watch sister's kids after partner had stroke because of vacation.
Saying no doesn't always feel good, especially when you're saying no to a loved one in need. Simply put, there are times when "no" is the only answer you can honestly give.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for refusing to take in her sister's kids because of vacation. She wrote:
"AITA for refusing to take in my sister's kids after her partner had a stroke so that I can go on my planned vacation?"
My sister (30F) called me (26F) yesterday morning to tell me that her partner (45M) had been rushed to the hospital. She was in hysterics and I stayed on the phone with her until she was able to make it to the hospital. She works and her partner stays home with the kids (I do believe he's on some sort of disability/unemployment benefit though). Together they have three kids who are 7, 5, and 2.
Here's some background on us...we had actually not spoken for almost an entire year before her most recent call to me. We have a really strained relationship starting from our childhood, which was exacerbated by our parents. I'll be honest in saying that my parents always favored me and labeled my sister as a "problem child." Since her teens, she's been involved with heavy drug use and partying.
She graduated high school, but dropped out of community college. Our strict, traditional Asian parents shunned her from their lives after she dropped out of college. They effectively disowned her and pretend that they never had an older daughter. My parents haven't spoken a word to her in almost a decade and they have never met their grandchildren.
For the last decade, I've tried to maintain a positive relationship with my sister, but she's betrayed my trust too many times to count. Borrowing money and never returning it, stealing my items and pawning/selling them, bringing me into unnecessary drama in her life, etc.
To be honest, I've been trying to distance myself from her for the last 3-4 years since she's caused me nothing but pain, stress, and suffering. Then last night, she called me again to let me know that her partner had suffered a severe stroke and had emergency surgery. The doctors say they are still very unsure of his prognosis.
She then begged me to take in her children for the time being, saying how she can't afford any childcare and that she'll lose both her jobs if she's forced to stay with the children. Now here's the thing, me and my boyfriend's five-year anniversary is coming up. We've already bought tickets, requested PTO, and made accommodations for a two-week trip to Europe starting from this Friday.
The total trip, including airfare, cost us $18,000, most of which is non-refundable. I told my sister I'd call her back and let her know after I spoke with my boyfriend. He said it was my choice completely. I decided that I wanted to go on our anniversary trip, which I had been looking forward to for a full year. I called my sister back and told her that I couldn't because of our trip.
She started sobbing over the phone and lashed out at me, calling me cruel and selfish. She said that we could afford to just rebook our vacation and we didn't need that money back, but she was going to lose her job and her children if she couldn't find someone to take them in.
It was a really tough conversation, but I stuck with my decision. It's been almost a day since our call and I won't lie, I do feel a lot of guilt. AITA?
People had a lot to say about this situation.
InterabangSmoose wrote:
NTA- normally in this situation, you would be the bad guy. However, with her not talking to you for a year, plus all the past history of dr*gs, stealing, and drama, I understand the decision you made. She's trying to drop all the consequences of her poor life decisions in your lap, and it's just not fair.
I understand the guilt, but she wore you out and used up whatever sisterly feeling you had for her with all her bulls#$t. Totally overused phrase, but particularly apt here: you can't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
burnpsy wrote:
This is basically asking if you should waste $18,000 and two weeks of PTO to help someone who's stolen from you in the past. The answer is no. NTA. While the emergency isn't your sister's fault, burning her bridge with you certainly was. She likely has other people who she could ask for help.
And even if you wanted to assist, it would be more effective to pay for a babysitter than to waste the trip. It's not like being a blood relation changes anything since from what you're saying you'd be basically a stranger to the kids anyway. No different from just hiring an actual stranger.
wren_boy1313 wrote:
If you let those kids in your house, they may never leave. Maybe your sister loses her job and can’t afford rent and asks to move in, too. Maybe her partner doesn’t fully recover and is on long-term bedrest, maybe he needs to move in as well. NTA.
SisterLostSoul wrote:
Given your sister's history, do you know if her partner did, in fact, have a stroke? NTA, but how do you feel about her children? Will it worry you if there are repercussions for them (foster homes, homelessness, missing school, hunger)? I repeat, NTA. You have no obligation to your sister or her kids. That said, is there anything you can do or want to do to help?
jastiss wrote:
I'm waffling on N A H, because sister has obviously hurt you to put you in this position. Ultimately, NTA. She can't burn her remaining bridges and expect people to leap over the waters for her. It's, unfortunately, a product of her own (and your parent's) doing.
Due to husband's medical status, could you perhaps assist her with finding social services to help her as a compromise? I don't know if there are things like childcare assistance where you are. Maybe finding her information while she focuses on her husband would help. A sad situation all around.
This is a tough situation, but at the end of the day - people agree that OP is NTA.