Woman removes family members from will because she doesn't like their 'lifestyle.' 'AITA?'
"AITA for changing my will because I don't like my former beneficiaries' lifestyle?"
Here's the story:
A bit of background - I am an only child with a LOT of cousins. My parents did better, financially, than the vast majority of the family, leading to the fact that I now live in our family home - nice house, decent amount of land, and a good amount in the bank.
To avoid the vultures circling when I eventually pop off, I decided some years ago to choose the children of a particular cousin as beneficiaries in my will. I thought this made sense, as that cousin was the hardest-working of the lot and the one I was closest to as a child, but since cousin is older than me and not in great health leaving my estate to her is probably pointless.
Fast forward about fifteen years, and to say I'm disappointed in how these kids turned out is an understatement. They're not evil or anything, but they've fallen into the lifestyle many people in this area have - first child by sixteen, another one every year after to different mothers/fathers, not working for periods longer than a few weeks.
I never intended to make my will conditional on everyone getting a degree or anything, but I thought they'd turn out more like my cousin - a good, hard-working working class mother.
I couldn't stand the thought of the house and estate my parents worked so hard for, being effectively pissed down the drain on too many children, cigarettes, booze and holidays to Benidorm. So, I changed my will - instead, other than a few family items, everything I have is to go to the daughter of a close friend.
A mentioned this to another friend when discussing inheritances, and he claimed this was a crappy thing to do as I'm just being a snob. I don't really mind if I AM being a snob, but here's the question - AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
Westcoast976 said:
NTA Your money and property
Are_You_The_Asshole said:
NTA. Your estate to give, you can choose where it goes. I completely agree with what you have done. Based on your description of them, I believe I know the exact type of person you speak of. I cannot blame you for changing your will. Out of interest, did they know that you had planned to leave it to them? And do they know that you no longer do?
Response from OP: I'm not sure if they know they're in the will, but I had to ask my cousin for their full details in order to add them the first time. I never said what I was planning on leaving them, and they're still to get some family items, so if they did know, they'll never know I changed it.
assertives said:
NTA. It's your money, your property. You have the right to give it to whoever you want.
"mentioned this to another friend when discussing inheritances, and he claimed this was a crappy thing to do as I'm just being a snob."
I don't really get this. Family doesn't mean that they are entitled to inheritance. You can choose to give to a church/charity organisation or a kind stranger who helped you out or something. Nothing shitty about it. NTA.
YourFriendlySpidy said:
Nta. Though maybe consider leaving an education fund for your grand niblings that can only be used on education (secondary or university)? Help them break the cycle. Plus with the way things are going now uni may soon be unattainable without significant financial support.
NemesisRouge said:
NAH, but I grew up in a poor family, the only time I ever went abroad was when my mother got some inheritance and took us on holiday, it was one of the best weeks I'd had and provided treasured memories. Those holidays to Benidorm that you sneer at might mean nothing to you, but they might mean a lot to the kids.
I think you should consider who would benefit the most from being the recipient of your estate. People who haven't got their life in order need that sort of windfall the most.