'AITA for 'weaponizing' my sister's 'poverty' during a family dinner?'
"AITA for 'weaponizing' my sister's 'poverty' during a family dinner?"
Some quick background: I've always been ambitious and started a bakery pretty young. I was able to do it through a family loan (which I'm grateful for) and a lot of grit and insane hours. The dedication led me to miss out on a lot of things, and while I'm incredibly proud to have built something that's turned into a super popular spot in my neighborhood, I've definitely missed out on a few things.
One of which is that I'm 35 and single/childless. Although I have no regrets, I do want to find love. This is a topic of frequent discussion during family dinners with my parents and sister. It's not an unwelcome discussion, and my parents don't nag (they just ask normal things like "how was that coffee date last week?" or "did you like so-and-so?") and if things don't work out they don't say anything much.
Normally it's not a sad discussion, but this week I was sharing a bigger-than-normal disappointment in a recent failed date (we'd gone out a few times and I thought it would turn into something, but our schedules were incompatible). After hearing this, my sister piped up and said she wasn't surprised because I had "a negative and unfeminine aura that turns away men."
My parents tried to shut her up, but she kept going on and on about how men would find my "energy" aggressive because I "set too many boundaries."
She ended with saying that I should try "manifesting a positive love story" and that by going into relationships with negativity I was "manifesting failure."
I was honestly so mad at this point, that I just blurted out "well, maybe if you manifested a job, you wouldn't be fighting with "Tom" (her children's father) over child support payments". She has two kids with Tom, split 50/50 custody, and tries to live off of her child support payments by staying with my parents.
Honestly, there's nothing wrong with that, except she always complains about not having nice things (i.e. she wanted a Chanel bag and was jealous her friend got one for her anniversary), and refuses to work (my dad offered her an admin job at his company, but she "hated sitting for so long"). She immediately started crying at the table, causing us to cut dinner short.
My parents are trying to not take sides, but have recently asked me to apologize because my sister has been making social media posts about me "weaponizing her poverty" and being a b*lly (btw, to call herself "poor" is honestly a slap in the face to people actually facing poverty. She lives in a gated community in my parents' home). She refuses to come to my mom's birthday party next week if I don't say sorry.
I personally feel like she deserved it, but I can tell my mom's upset. BTW, the "boundaries" my sister say that result in me "manifesting negativity" are things like me turning down a date 4th of July weekend because I own a BAKERY and it's a huge weekend for my business, requiring me to be all hands on deck pumping out pies and pastries.
People did not hold back one bit.
HomerEyedMonad wrote:
"Well maybe if you manifested a job, you wouldn't be fighting with "Tom" (her children's father) over child support payments."
Holy s#%t what a good burn though. F#$%king heroic. Normally I try and keep a peace but you shouldn't throw stones from a glass house. The only way I would apologize in this case is "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, don't come at my life and I won't come at yours, we're sisters (I think?), can we please just get along for mom's sake."
If that's not good enough then I'd say "fine, your problem, don't bother me until you grow up."
Don't dish it out if you can't take it. Her bursting into tears, trying to assemble an internet army, and using her personal presence as a reverse hostage negotiation with not you, but against your mother, tells me that this person is unreasonable and if you keep caving to their narcissism it only gets worse. Trust me, I'm a former narcissist.
After careful considering, I have reached a verdict. The plaintiff is Not the AH. Court is adjourned. Gavel Slam. Produced by Dick Wolf.
NTA.
Either_Coconut wrote:
NTA. If your sister hadn't gone off on that tangent, spouting off about what she thinks you're doing wrong in life, you would not have countered with your take on what needs improvement in HER life.
Funny how she, who has split up with her children's father, and appears to be not in a romantic relationship herself, thinks she has relationship advice to impart to someone else. And funny how she, without a job, feels the need to dictate to you how to strike a work/life balance while keeping the business you own afloat.
shammy_dammy wrote:
NTA. She wants to fling crap? She should expect crap back. Time to start distancing from her, she's got a.../checks notes...negative aura that turns you away.
smallishbear-duck wrote:
Sis: You don’t have what you want in your life (romantic partner) because you haven’t manifested it. That’s your fault.
You: Oh. So I guess you don’t have what you want in your life (money) because you haven’t manifested it. Isn’t that how it works?
Sis: wah wah wah like a baby
NTA.
AshamedClass5455 wrote:
NTA, but there IS something wrong with her moving off of child support payments. That's for the children, not for her own living expenses. You're essentially saying that Tom needs to pay for her to exist and his payments need to cover her and the children, as if they're still together.
But they're not. So you're NTA for what you're asking judgment on, but your sister is a leech off her ex and is a disgrace to independent women everywhere.
OP is NTA at all, she simply served it right back to her sister.