There are times when a brutal truth falls out of your mouth before you can decide whether it's what you really want to say or not. In those times, the internet is always waiting, typing fingers ready, to give their opinions on the situation.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her stepdaughter she doesn't love her as much as she loves her biological daughter. She wrote:
I (52f) have been married to my husband (54m) for the last 5 years, together for 6. I have a daughter (25f) with my late former husband and my current husband has a daughter (22f) from his previous marriage. My husband divorced his ex about 7 years because she was a "lazy manipulative b#$ch" (his words).
Unfortunately, my stepdaughter seems to have followed in her mother's footsteps. Ever since I came into the picture, she blamed me for ruining any chance of her dad and mom ever getting back together and behaved toxically. She regularly messed up all the rooms of the house. When I would tell her to clean it up, she gave me the cliched "you're not my mom" spiel.
Whenever her dad declined to give her something, she would cry crocodile tears or throw a tantrum until he gave in. She would also tell lies about me. She was a nightmare. When she turned 19, my husband finally had enough and kicked her out. It's been 3 years since and her behavior seems to be improving a little bit but things are still tense between her and me.
Fortunately, I don't have to see her on a daily basis so I can live with it. Both my daughter and stepdaughter have children of their own. My daughter has a 2-year-old girl with her husband while my stepdaughter has a 1-year-old son with her boyfriend. My daughter wants to save up for a house with her husband so she asked me if I could babysit while she works. I was fine with that.
I have a part-time wfh job so I agreed to do it. My stepdaughter found out about this arrangement a few days ago called me to ask if I could do the same for her child. She couldn't ask her bio mom because she lives in another state. I just said no. It's not that I hate her kid. It's because one child is a handful already and I don't want to give up my job which I enjoy doing.
She kept probing but I still gave her the same response. She then tried to emotionally manipulate me by asking if I loved my bio daughter more than her. I flipped it on her and asked her if she loved her bio mom more than me, she said "yeah because she's my mom". So I told her that I likewise love my bio daughter more than her because she's my daughter.
When she heard that she lost her s#$t and started calling me a bunch of names. I just cut the call and blocked her number. My husband is on my side but says I shouldn't have indulged in her nonsense. I see where he's coming from but she's an adult and if she wants to play stupid games, then she deserves stupid prizes.
I don't owe her any favors after how she's behaved and treated me over the years but I'm wondering if I shouldn't have said what I said. AITA?
NTA, you took her game and flipped it around on her and boohoo she didn’t like it. Kudos to you for not saying anything worse because she definitely would’ve deserved it.
NTA but your husband is. He should have nipped that behavior in the bud while she was still a minor and should have told her it’s unacceptable to behave that way. Her behavior now into adulthood is the result of her parents failing her and giving into her selfish antics.
I VERY badly wanna hear the stepdaughter's side of this story. I have a feeling that it would be extremely divergent from the current tale before us.
ESH. I’m seeing a lot of N t a. Yes, your stepdaughter needs to grow up, and quite frankly probably go low or no contact with you and her father until she deals with her abandonment issues.
Your husband is an AH for not getting her therapy to help with those issues when they arose, putting his kid through what was clearly a messy divorce, and for calling the mother of his child a “lazy, manipulative b#$ch.”
But you lost me when you essentially called your stepdaughter, whom you’ve been a parental figure to since she was 16, a “lazy manipulative b#$ch.” Context is kind of irrelevant when you are telling one of your kids that you don’t love them as much as another. There are some things that just should never be said.
NTA. She's an adult, she can figure out her own s#$t. You don't owe her anything after how she treated you. Keep doing you and let her deal with the consequences of her actions.
This is a tough one, while a lot of people are leaning toward NTA, OP could've chosen her words wisely.