Woman snaps at grandma over 'unmarried' comment, 'you got cheated on dozens of times.'
Giving a critical older family member a taste of their own medicine can cause mayhem in the family, but sometimes it's the only response you have left. Regardless of whether it's merited or not,
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for snapping at her grandma after she brought up the fact she's not married with children. She wrote:
"AITA for telling my grandmother off when she brought up the fact that I’m not married with children yet?"
I (24F) am unmarried, with no children. Frankly, I don’t have the most positive attitude towards marriage given how I’ve seen men treat my girlfriends and the women in my family, and I don’t even think motherhood is for me.
Now my grandmother is one of those people who are super old school (different times, I know) and my mom likes to remind me that she was already married and managing a household when she was my age, especially when I make mistakes. For my mom, I brush the comment off but I tell my grandmother straight up not to bring up the subject of marriage with me and that I am not interested.
Today I served my grandma food and she was complaining about the presentation of the food. She was telling me “you eat with your eyes first. Is this how you will serve your husband food when you get married?”
To which I got mad and replied “I don’t want to hear marriage advice from a woman who got cheated on dozens of times and stayed while blaming everyone else but the man who owed her loyalty. You wishing for me to get married is you wishing me pain and suffering.”
Grandma got mad and wouldn’t speak to me. My mom and dad said I was out of line, my siblings said she had it coming. AITA?
Redditors had plenty to say about the family dynamic.
AndSoItGoes24 wrote:
If I lived the rerun of my grand'mere's life I'd have married at 15. NTA. As much as I love, admire, and respect the women of my family who came before me, I have never wanted to be them. C'mon. New day? New way to look at things. I love men generally, but that does not mean just any one of them is the brass ring of my future. And no way I want as many kids as my mom raised.
"If I'm content and love my life, why aren't you happy for me? I may never settle down and no way I am ever settling. Stop treating me like I was born to turn into you. I wasn't. That's mean-spirited of you to think my horizon can't look any different than you imagined it. I get to define me. That's pretty normal mom."
Unique_Football_8839 wrote:
NTA. She might be too old to learn to change her views on marriage, but she should definitely know when to keep her mouth shut. Call her on her lack of good manners next time.
"That was incredibly rude, and your mother would be ashamed of you."
Organic-Heron-9662 wrote:
NTA. Ironically. I’m the male version of you lol. Jaded towards women for pretty much the same reason. Family likes to bring up how I’m single. The most insulting thing is how occasionally that ask or insinuate that I’m gay because I don’t date. I’m not gay and I just don’t care too date. It can be really insulting the way people ask or infer how you should be living your life.
icebraidgolem wrote:
Why do you just brush it off when it is your mother but respond so bluntly to your grandmother? I mean you weren't the AH for shutting her down but why on earth does she deserve you ripping her whole life to shreds if your mother just gets brushed off.
zippyphoenix wrote:
ESH...yes she should have kept her comments about marriage to herself, but you need to remember that likely when she married women couldn’t have their own checking accounts, hold jobs, drive, or have birth control. She had to do what was best back then not by today’s standards. I feel like you overreacted and escalated it.
The commenters are a bit divided, with most leaning toward NTA, but a few pointing out the fact that OP's grandma didn't have the same choices as her, so the lashing out may have been a bit over-the-top.